Bagel. Again.
Even as tonight I was gathering information on his still thinking about me, even as tonight I was recieving advice about how to deal with him, even as I was deciding precisely what to say to him to finish this --- I got a text from him that says "i love you".
He's never said it before, in so many words. Mumbled it once, but not said.
This is bad. Because I've been planning to tell him, "I can't see you at all over break - please use the time to get over me."
This is going to hurt him a great deal.
He never said this while we were in a relationship. Neither of us did. I didn't because I didn't feel love for him - and I knew that. Fondness, yes. But not love. I don't know why he never said it.
Now, I think, it's because he feels he's "lost" me.
This is really going to hurt him, and I don't want to.
I'm going to have to, though. Because it's not right for him to behave this way: always apologizing for getting touchy-feely; always talking baout me when I'm not there; always showing people that one picture he took where it was an accidental pantyshot (I was holding a praying mantis and wearing a skirt - you can barely see underwear and it's a little embarrassing, but a great deal more embarrassing is the fact that he's showed it to everyone of our friends, often, over and over, because he's thinking of it often.)
I'm going to have to tell him his behavior is inappropriate; I'm going to have to tell him not to see me. I may have to stop being around him altogether.
The winter break will make it easier. But not by much.
I’ve been paying attention to places in pop culture and songs and all that where, in unrequited love, the unrequitor is vilified, made to be seen that they’re doing wrong, pled with, chastised, and antagonized for not requiting.
I’m sure that if I’m ever in unrequited love I’ll be hurting a lot and maybe won’t feel kind toward them either.
But right now seeing that kind of thing EVERYWHERE is frustrating the shit out of me. Because being the unrequitor? That’s not fun either.
It’s put out to be an evil thing to be the pursued-but-not-requiting in relationships. Even in some of my favorite songs I hear things like,
Well I hate to be a bother,
but it’s you and there’s not other,
I do believe
You can call me naïve
But
I know me very well
At least as far as I can tell
And I know what I need
And obvs, “what I need” is You. The You on the other side; the You not giving love back; the You being meanie-poo and selfish and if You would just come around and see things the way I do, you’d see that I Love You and You can love me and that no one will ever feel the way I do and all that.
I can tell you, this shit is getting to me.
Because you know what? Sometimes that is not the case. Sometimes there is someone else for the You, and for the Me. Sometimes you get over your infatuation. Sometimes the liking was unequal from the first.
And no times should one be vilified for feelings they don’t have, and aren’t able to reciprocate.
He's never said it before, in so many words. Mumbled it once, but not said.
This is bad. Because I've been planning to tell him, "I can't see you at all over break - please use the time to get over me."
This is going to hurt him a great deal.
He never said this while we were in a relationship. Neither of us did. I didn't because I didn't feel love for him - and I knew that. Fondness, yes. But not love. I don't know why he never said it.
Now, I think, it's because he feels he's "lost" me.
This is really going to hurt him, and I don't want to.
I'm going to have to, though. Because it's not right for him to behave this way: always apologizing for getting touchy-feely; always talking baout me when I'm not there; always showing people that one picture he took where it was an accidental pantyshot (I was holding a praying mantis and wearing a skirt - you can barely see underwear and it's a little embarrassing, but a great deal more embarrassing is the fact that he's showed it to everyone of our friends, often, over and over, because he's thinking of it often.)
I'm going to have to tell him his behavior is inappropriate; I'm going to have to tell him not to see me. I may have to stop being around him altogether.
The winter break will make it easier. But not by much.
I’ve been paying attention to places in pop culture and songs and all that where, in unrequited love, the unrequitor is vilified, made to be seen that they’re doing wrong, pled with, chastised, and antagonized for not requiting.
I’m sure that if I’m ever in unrequited love I’ll be hurting a lot and maybe won’t feel kind toward them either.
But right now seeing that kind of thing EVERYWHERE is frustrating the shit out of me. Because being the unrequitor? That’s not fun either.
It’s put out to be an evil thing to be the pursued-but-not-requiting in relationships. Even in some of my favorite songs I hear things like,
Well I hate to be a bother,
but it’s you and there’s not other,
I do believe
You can call me naïve
But
I know me very well
At least as far as I can tell
And I know what I need
And obvs, “what I need” is You. The You on the other side; the You not giving love back; the You being meanie-poo and selfish and if You would just come around and see things the way I do, you’d see that I Love You and You can love me and that no one will ever feel the way I do and all that.
I can tell you, this shit is getting to me.
Because you know what? Sometimes that is not the case. Sometimes there is someone else for the You, and for the Me. Sometimes you get over your infatuation. Sometimes the liking was unequal from the first.
And no times should one be vilified for feelings they don’t have, and aren’t able to reciprocate.