Feeling a little lost at sea.
Oh, would you look at this, another post…unfortunately it’s not exactly a very uplifting or happy one and it’s mostly about RL. So I might hide the majority of the whiny grumbling behind a cut (of course that’s if I’ve remembered how to correctly - I had an awesome teacher, but my memory is fail-tastic at times)
We’ll start with some not so whiny stuff - I’m back home which is mostly happy making, in the sense that it’s nice to know I was missed; evidenced nicely when I had my first shift back at the home store yesterday. I got lots of smiles, “nice to have you back” and even a hug from someone who I did not expect to get one off - we were never very close before so it was surprising :D I know it doesn’t sound like a very big deal, and I can admit that it isn’t really, but I did not expect it. I’ve sort of lost contact with a lot of people at work since my second year of university - case in point would be that my summer between second and third year was my most “hermit” like that I’ve had for a while - and I figured that little would be said about my coming back.
However, I’ve realised that because of this losing contact with people I have no actual close friends anymore - I have the people who I’ve not really spoken to for quite some time and we’re friends, but not like we were before and the odd few who I have kept in touch with semi-frequently due to gigs or conventions - but no person who I could legitimately say “This is my best friend, they know me better than anyone else.” I’m sort of at a loss as I’ve always had that one person - Nikki was this person, but we have barely spoken to each properly since my first year of university. I have no idea how to re connect with her again as her interest are so changed from my own and vice versa. We still have some bands, musicians or TV shows in common - Supernatural being one of them, although I think we are invested in the show and fandom to different degrees and from different perspectives - but we seem very different.
I’m hoping that over the summer it will improve because we’re going to Asylum 7 in October and after experiencing two awkward and mildly stressful weekends at Asylum 5 and 6 with someone who I will never go to a convention with again, I want this one to be better and for me to love every minute. That and I want to actually meet all the other wonderful, lovely and talented people who are going, who I’ve met on twitter and here - and nothing kills a first time face to face meeting like an awkward atmosphere. This also means I’ve got to tell her about my reading habits in regards to fandom - she pretty much knows that I read a whole lot of fan fiction, but I don’t think she realises it’s basically all slash. She will no doubt be more than open-minded about it due to her own RL, but I’m still a little worried about telling all, but I have to because I want to be able to talk to those aforementioned awesome people about it all.
I may have shot myself in the foot in this regard though, because I accidentally talked another friend into getting a ticket seeing as she had such a good time at Asylum 6 (despite the drama/rage making of someone else) and I don’t know how she will react to my love of slash.
Speaking of conventions - I must be insane as I’ve bought a ticket to Asylum 8 too. I have no student loan anymore, and I work part time…I predict a whole lot of overtime at Christmas, through January and February (unless of course I manage to find a “proper” job) But I am still excited, although I’m wondering if Mark Sheppard will assume I’m stalking him as this will be the third time I’ve met him at an Asylum convention XD
The not so happy making stuff about being home is that it feels like I’ve taken three steps backwards rather than the huge leap you imagine you will be taking at the end of your degree. I’m back living with the parents, I still have my part time job (I do realise how lucky I am to have this in the current climate employment wise, but it’s a job I’ve had for about six years, in a supermarket) and I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m going to do.
I keep seeing FB status of friends from university or people on my course who are filling in job applications, finishing off their CV’s or going to interviews….I’ve been home a week and have done none of this. I’ve always been a little slow in the game of life - people who I went to secondary school with are married, have children, awesome jobs and seem to be right on track for a 23/24 year old.
I have no real idea what I want to do - I was tempted by radio, as I was a semi-frequent volunteer at our local community radio station and I got great feedback when I co-hosted the breakfast show in September and over Christmas but this has fallen apart as the station closed down last week, so no on the job experience for me and the nearest radio station is Lincoln….I think, do they still broadcast from Lincoln? But who knows if they would take me on - my degree is not exactly a trade or practical and wasn’t exactly radio orientated, so I have no idea where to actually apply for anything.
I’m feeling more than a little lost. Worst of all, any incentive for anything has left me. This week was supposed to be productive - putting two rooms worth of stuff into one room and chucking out a whole load of stuff I didn’t need - I have done very little of this.
So, yeah I have no clue what I’m going to do with the rest of my life and I’m a little terrified. This will be worse after I officially graduate this month - seriously, that hat is not flattering on anyone.
Something fandom related before I bore everyone to death with my whining self - I’m not exactly excited yet about Season 7 of Supernatural, the spoilers so far have left me luke-warm.
I’m happy to see young!Sam back, as Colin Ford is a brilliant child actor and honestly fits my image of young!Sam to a tee. But that episode seems a little repetitive and does not excite me - I realise it’s probably a filler episode due to Jensen directing it and not being able to be on screen a whole lot, but I would have hoped they would give him something a bit more exciting.
It may be the continual lack of news about Cas, which is quite obviously a ploy to keep us all waiting over the hiatus to see what they do, which is making me less inclined to go looking for spoilers. Yet I’m still avidly reading Dean/Cas fic, I’ve even dabbled in the J2 from the SPNJ2BB getting posted and I’m very picky about J2 and I still relate so much back to Supernatural…so I’m still invested but I’m not waiting with baited breath for the new season (at least not yet.) I think I’m doing this whole being a fan wrong XD
Anyway, I’m done whining like a little bitch - thanks Dean - thank you anyone who even gives this a second glance, and sorry :)
PicklePegg
PS I promise the next one will be more uplifting - I fully intend to post about how this year so far has been awesome!
We’ll start with some not so whiny stuff - I’m back home which is mostly happy making, in the sense that it’s nice to know I was missed; evidenced nicely when I had my first shift back at the home store yesterday. I got lots of smiles, “nice to have you back” and even a hug from someone who I did not expect to get one off - we were never very close before so it was surprising :D I know it doesn’t sound like a very big deal, and I can admit that it isn’t really, but I did not expect it. I’ve sort of lost contact with a lot of people at work since my second year of university - case in point would be that my summer between second and third year was my most “hermit” like that I’ve had for a while - and I figured that little would be said about my coming back.
However, I’ve realised that because of this losing contact with people I have no actual close friends anymore - I have the people who I’ve not really spoken to for quite some time and we’re friends, but not like we were before and the odd few who I have kept in touch with semi-frequently due to gigs or conventions - but no person who I could legitimately say “This is my best friend, they know me better than anyone else.” I’m sort of at a loss as I’ve always had that one person - Nikki was this person, but we have barely spoken to each properly since my first year of university. I have no idea how to re connect with her again as her interest are so changed from my own and vice versa. We still have some bands, musicians or TV shows in common - Supernatural being one of them, although I think we are invested in the show and fandom to different degrees and from different perspectives - but we seem very different.
I’m hoping that over the summer it will improve because we’re going to Asylum 7 in October and after experiencing two awkward and mildly stressful weekends at Asylum 5 and 6 with someone who I will never go to a convention with again, I want this one to be better and for me to love every minute. That and I want to actually meet all the other wonderful, lovely and talented people who are going, who I’ve met on twitter and here - and nothing kills a first time face to face meeting like an awkward atmosphere. This also means I’ve got to tell her about my reading habits in regards to fandom - she pretty much knows that I read a whole lot of fan fiction, but I don’t think she realises it’s basically all slash. She will no doubt be more than open-minded about it due to her own RL, but I’m still a little worried about telling all, but I have to because I want to be able to talk to those aforementioned awesome people about it all.
I may have shot myself in the foot in this regard though, because I accidentally talked another friend into getting a ticket seeing as she had such a good time at Asylum 6 (despite the drama/rage making of someone else) and I don’t know how she will react to my love of slash.
Speaking of conventions - I must be insane as I’ve bought a ticket to Asylum 8 too. I have no student loan anymore, and I work part time…I predict a whole lot of overtime at Christmas, through January and February (unless of course I manage to find a “proper” job) But I am still excited, although I’m wondering if Mark Sheppard will assume I’m stalking him as this will be the third time I’ve met him at an Asylum convention XD
The not so happy making stuff about being home is that it feels like I’ve taken three steps backwards rather than the huge leap you imagine you will be taking at the end of your degree. I’m back living with the parents, I still have my part time job (I do realise how lucky I am to have this in the current climate employment wise, but it’s a job I’ve had for about six years, in a supermarket) and I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m going to do.
I keep seeing FB status of friends from university or people on my course who are filling in job applications, finishing off their CV’s or going to interviews….I’ve been home a week and have done none of this. I’ve always been a little slow in the game of life - people who I went to secondary school with are married, have children, awesome jobs and seem to be right on track for a 23/24 year old.
I have no real idea what I want to do - I was tempted by radio, as I was a semi-frequent volunteer at our local community radio station and I got great feedback when I co-hosted the breakfast show in September and over Christmas but this has fallen apart as the station closed down last week, so no on the job experience for me and the nearest radio station is Lincoln….I think, do they still broadcast from Lincoln? But who knows if they would take me on - my degree is not exactly a trade or practical and wasn’t exactly radio orientated, so I have no idea where to actually apply for anything.
I’m feeling more than a little lost. Worst of all, any incentive for anything has left me. This week was supposed to be productive - putting two rooms worth of stuff into one room and chucking out a whole load of stuff I didn’t need - I have done very little of this.
So, yeah I have no clue what I’m going to do with the rest of my life and I’m a little terrified. This will be worse after I officially graduate this month - seriously, that hat is not flattering on anyone.
Something fandom related before I bore everyone to death with my whining self - I’m not exactly excited yet about Season 7 of Supernatural, the spoilers so far have left me luke-warm.
I’m happy to see young!Sam back, as Colin Ford is a brilliant child actor and honestly fits my image of young!Sam to a tee. But that episode seems a little repetitive and does not excite me - I realise it’s probably a filler episode due to Jensen directing it and not being able to be on screen a whole lot, but I would have hoped they would give him something a bit more exciting.
It may be the continual lack of news about Cas, which is quite obviously a ploy to keep us all waiting over the hiatus to see what they do, which is making me less inclined to go looking for spoilers. Yet I’m still avidly reading Dean/Cas fic, I’ve even dabbled in the J2 from the SPNJ2BB getting posted and I’m very picky about J2 and I still relate so much back to Supernatural…so I’m still invested but I’m not waiting with baited breath for the new season (at least not yet.) I think I’m doing this whole being a fan wrong XD
Anyway, I’m done whining like a little bitch - thanks Dean - thank you anyone who even gives this a second glance, and sorry :)
PicklePegg
PS I promise the next one will be more uplifting - I fully intend to post about how this year so far has been awesome!