Fanfiction: The King of Queens', modern Cambridge AU, WIP (10/10)
Title: The King of Queens'
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: COMPLETE (omg) at 45k.
Warnings: Some homophobia.
Summary: Modern AU. Merlin has always dreamed of going to Cambridge University and is thrilled to win a place at Queens’ College. Whilst there he falls hopelessly in love with the JCR President, drinking society President, Lacrosse captain and all-round popular guy Arthur Pendragon. Arthur takes him under his wing until Merlin stands to be LGBT Rep on the JCR and Arthur realises that Merlin likes boys. Full of Cambridge slang, UST, Arthur being a knobhead with no knob, and eventual happy ending.
The chapters: CHAPTER ONE; CHAPTER TWO; CHAPTER THREE; CHAPTER FOUR; CHAPTER FIVE; CHAPTER SIX; CHAPTER SEVEN; CHAPTER EIGHT; CHAPTER NINE
Merlin was woken three times over the space of the next week by a knock on his door between one and four in the morning.
‘Fuck off Arthur, I said no,’ he would yell, and then the knocks would stop. And yes, okay, so his voice shook whilst he said the words, and he couldn’t stop himself creating elaborate, dirty fantasies about what would happen if he opened the door, but he was proud of himself for staying strong.
After the next JCR meeting he cornered Arthur, noticing that Arthur was wearing a very tight white T-shirt and was covered in a golden tan.
He shook his head as if to clear the fug of longing, ‘We need to talk,’ he said.
‘Is here the right place?’ Arthur asked, looking nervously about them where people were hanging around, watching TV.
Merlin sighed, ‘Fine, my room.’
They walked up in awkward silence. Merlin couldn’t be bothered to make small-talk and Arthur seemed to be lost in a world of his own, chewing constantly at the corner of his lip.
Merlin sat down in the swivel-chair by his computer, gestured to the uncomfortable wooden chair he also had.
Arthur shook his head, ‘It’s alright, I’ll stand.’
Merlin rolled his eyes. ‘Okay, whatever.’
‘Now what did you want to talk about?’ Arthur looked the picture of confusion.
‘Oh don’t play the innocent with me, Arthur, that’s outrageous,’ Merlin laughed. ‘We need to talk about these nocturnal visits you keep making.’
‘Ah,’ Arthur said, staring fixedly at the tip of Merlin’s right ear rather than looking him in the eye.
‘Now don’t get me wrong - you know how I feel about you,’ it was Merlin’s turn to look away. ‘But you’ve made the decision to stay in the closet. I think it’s the wrong decision, but it’s your life, not mine, and it would be unfair for me to dictate to you when is appropriate for you to come out.’
‘I’m not gay,’ Arthur’s voice was low, embarrassed.
‘Fine, bisexual then,’ Merlin said. ‘Semantics. My point is, though, that if you aren't ready to come out, and if you're determined to pretend that there's nothing between us then fine, but it is totally unfair for you to turn up drunkenly in the middle of the night and try to sleep with me.'
Arthur flushed bright red, stayed looking at the tip of Merlin's ear, 'I don't intend to do it.'
'Really? So your feet, independently of the rest of you, bring you here against your will?' Merlin scoffed.
'No, it's not like that. I want to stay away. I've made my decision, I know that. But when I've been drinking it's hard. I have feelings for you and with my inhibitions lowered all I want to do is come here and see you again.'
'I'm worth more than that,' Merlin said. 'I'm worth more than a drunken fuck, okay? So you need to stay away from me, now. Stop drinking and stop pestering me.
'I wasn't aware you hated me this much,' Arthur did look at him then, his eyes hurt.
'I love you,' Merlin said bluntly. 'I always have. But I can't let myself love you any more, because it will just hurt us more in the long-run. We both need to move on. I'm seeing someone else.'
'I know,' Arthur muttered angrily.
'And you're sleeping with half of college,' Merlin put in stroppily. 'So these 1am visits need to stop. As do the notes.'
He picked up half a dozen bits of paper that had been pushed in his pigeon-hole. They were filthy. Honestly, Merlin thought that if politics didn't work out Arthur should have a career writing erotica. And for someone who was trying so ludicrously hard to pretend he was straight, he certainly seemed to have a fascination with Merlin’s arse.
There were countless references to slicking up long fingers and fucking into you whilst you tighten around me and Merlin didn’t think he’d forget Arthur’s ode to rimming for a long, long time.
Merlin would scan the notes, get cross, and throw them away. But more often than not he’d then end up rescuing the crumpled balls of paper from the bin and opening them up, keeping them in the bottom drawer of his bedside cabinet. Sometimes, when his willpower had gone, or Lee had had to leave early for a match, he’d open them, read them, and end up having incredibly frustrating dreams.
‘The notes are, um,’ Arthur stumbled, ‘they’re not anything I set out to do I just-’
‘…get drunk and horny?’ Merlin asked. ‘Yeah, well so do I, and you’re sorely testing my will-power. I know that not giving in to you is the right thing to do but it’s hardly easy. I mean, look at you.’ He waved a bitter hand at Arthur, who was lounging against the wall, his crossed arms only emphasising his arm muscles. Merlin swallowed, looked away.
Arthur looked discomfited, ‘I apologise for making you uncomfortable,’ he said. ‘I won’t bother you again.’
‘No, it’s not like that,’ Merlin said, irritated by Arthur’s manner, by his seeming unwillingness to confront this head on. ‘I like you, and I like spending time with you, and whilst I’m on the JCR I have to spend time with you, but you've made it abundantly clear that we can't have a relationship. As much as I care about you, I'm not prepared to just be a drunken shag, okay?'
Arthur was beetroot red. 'Okay.'
'No more notes? No more visits?' Merlin persisted.
'No more notes. No more visits.' Arthur was picking at a scab on his arm, not looking anywhere near Merlin.
'Fine,' Merlin sighed. 'I'll see you at our next meeting, okay?'
'Okay,' Arthur agreed, turning to leave. 'I am sorry,' he said, over his shoulder.
Merlin shrugged, 'S'not really enough though is it?'
'No,' Arthur admitted. He slammed the door behind him and Merlin flopped on to his bed, fought the urge to have a good old self-indulgent cry. He was sick to the back-teeth of doing the right thing. He was sick of catching Arthur looking longingly at him across the library, then seeing him sticking his tongue down the throat of random girls; sick of him knocking at Merlin's door in the wee hours, only to barely say two words to him in public. And most of all he was sick of wanting him so badly, of having to steel himself to turn him away when all he wanted was to let Arthur do all the dirty things he wanted.
Merlin was still seeing Lee but the way he felt about him was certainly not the way he felt about Arthur. Lee made him laugh, and he made him come, but Arthur had only to look at Merlin a certain way for his stomach to drop with need. He felt like a heroine in a bad rom-com and knew that it wasn't a good look for him.
Lee, too, found it incredibly annoying. He'd been round once when Arthur had done it. He'd been doing something particularly interesting with his tongue to Merlin's balls and choked with surprise when someone started bashing on the door. He propped himself up onto his elbow over Merlin's thighs. 'Who the fuck is that?'
Merlin had flopped back, his erection starting to fade, 'A guy I know who is ostensibly straight but who always tries to fuck me when drunk.'
Lee weighed this up, 'Is he hot?'
Merlin half-smiled, 'Yes. Very.'
'Up for a threesome?'
'Ha, no,' Merlin tittered, awkwardly.
'Then he can fuck off,' he yelled the final two words through the door. 'He's not interested mate, he's already being fucked, and I'll even acknowledge him in the morning.'
There had then been the sound of footsteps and the door slamming. Merlin found his erection had withered. Lee looked at it, then up at Merlin. 'You into him then?'
Merlin sighed, 'I'd rather not have this conversation when naked.'
Lee laughed, 'I find being naked for any conversation makes it much more interesting.' And then he'd kissed him and Arthur hadn't been mentioned again.
***
One week since the conversation and Merlin's night-time visitations had stopped. He was pleased, mostly, but also slightly disappointed, kept having to fight the urge to have a rifle in his bottom drawer for the dirty letters Arthur had written.
'You've got what you wanted, Merlin,' Gwen told him. She was sitting on his bed, swinging her legs, wearing a very pretty red Topshop dress.
'Yeah, I know I have,' Merlin was buttoning his shirt up wrong with fumbling fingers, frowning at his reflection in the mirror. 'But part of me thought maybe if I pushed him like this he'd realise how much he missed me, make the decision to come out.'
Gwen looked sympathetic, 'It's not that easy for him, Merlin. I know you want him to make that decision but it's really got to be his choice.' She got up, slapped his hands away and re-buttoned his shirt herself, tugging it straight. 'He'll be there tonight, you know. Are you up to dealing with that?'
'Yes,' Merlin said grumpily. Then, 'no. Oh I don't know, Gwen. Everywhere I look he's there, looking all tousled and fit.'
She giggled and he dug her in the ribs with a finger, 'It's alright for you, you're the one getting pleasured every night by Lance. I hear from his room-mate that you're quite the screamer.'
Gwen put her hands over her ears, flushed a similar shade to her dress. 'No, he did not say that!'
Merlin looked stern then subsided into a snigger, 'Nah, he didn't. Bet you are though,' he poked his tongue out.
'You're so annoying,' she tickled him. 'Now come on, we're going to be late for the handover!'
JCR Handover dinner was a tradition where the outgoing committee paid for a meal for the incoming committee. Tonight they were all going to The Mahal, where for a tenner you got curry, poppadoms, a naan bread and could behave as badly as you wanted. Everyone brought a bottle of wine and the order of the day was to get battered, be it by pennying everyone around you (a weird Cambridge practice where if you managed to drop a penny in someone's drink they had to down it) or through the ridiculous drinking games.
Merlin had purposefully not drunk a single drop of alcohol for the past week, to try and preemptively make up to his liver what he was about to put it through.
'How drunk am I going to be later?' Merlin asked her.
Gwen laughed, as one of the outgoing a committee she knew exactly what they'd put them through. 'You'll probably be sick in your bin. You might want to empty it now,' she said helpfully, flipping her hair over her shoulder with a smirk.
'Oh fuck off,' Merlin said. But he emptied it anyway, much to her amusement.
By the time they got there - having been forced to stop so Merlin could buy a packet of crisps to 'line his stomach' - most of the seats at the long trestle tables were taken.
Merlin sat down at one end of one of them and Gwen darted over to sit by the new women's officer, greeting her with two noisy smacks on the cheek. Merlin was sat next to Barney - his college brother - who he'd barely spoken to all term. He was nice enough, but they only had enough in common to pass a few minutes. Opposite Barney was Tasha, Merlin's college sister, who was the new environmental rep. Barney and Tasha had entered into an incredibly passionate relationship in their second week which meant you never saw the one without the other. It was a shame, Merlin thought, as he liked Tasha, and he felt that she could have been a good friend.
'How've you been Merlin?' she asked, twining her fingers round Barney's possessively, as if Merlin was about to jump across the table and snog him.
'Good yeah, busy, you know. What about you guys, how long have you been together now?'
'Nearly 6 months, can you believe it?' she simpered across at Barney. 'I don't know what I'd do without him.'
Barney flushed, looked embarrassedly at Merlin before a squeeze to his fingers prompted him to say, 'Gosh, yeah, I just love her.'
Then they started kissing.
Merlin looked around desperately for somewhere else to sit but the only other empty seat was opposite him. He resigned himself to an evening of getting quietly drunk to counteract their shenanigans when he heard a familiar voice, 'Guys, guys, it's alright. I'm here - the party can begin!'
Everyone laughed and/or rolled their eyes at the sight of Arthur framed in the doorway with a bottle of wine under each arm. He smiled round at everyone until he clocked that the only empty seat was the one opposite Merlin. He swallowed, straightened his shoulders and came over.
'Barney,' he shook his hand. 'The lovely Tasha,' he kissed her knuckles. She giggled. Barney didn't.
'Merlin,' he said evenly.
'Arthur,' he responded.
They stared at one another for a bit before Merlin sat back in his chair, decided to take the moral high-ground and act as if nothing had happened. 'Wine?' he didn't wait for Arthur to answer, just poured them both a very full glass.
'Penny!' Barney laughed gleefully as he immediately plopped a coin in each of their glasses.
Merlin grimaced, 'Really? Before dinner?'
'You know the rules!' He looked like he was about to choke on his own mirth.
Merlin clinked his glass against Arthur's and they shared a silent moment of how fucking annoying are they before knocking it back. Merlin's throat burned at the taste of the cheap Chardonnay that had been on offer in Sainsbury's.
'Fuck, s'disgusting,' Arthur said. 'Teach me to buy wine that's two bottles for six squid.' He wiped his mouth and Merlin laughed.
'I did the same. It tastes like piss. Cold piss, but piss nonetheless.'
'I didn't have time to chill mine so mine tastes like warm piss,' Arthur huffed. He picked his coin out of his glass and leaned in to Merlin who was dizzyingly aware of how close he was.
'Let's take our revenge. I'll pour, you penny.'
Arthur took advantage of their distraction to fill both of their glasses to the brim. Merlin dropped the coins in with a satisfying 'clink'.
'Ahem,' he interrupted and pointed silently to their glasses. Tasha looked quite cross but Arthur was unrepentant and just clapped Barney on the back. 'Chin chin, old man.'
***
By the time their curries arrived, pretty much everyone was pissed. Gwen had led a round of the boat race (where one side of the table raced the other side to all finish their glasses) and even Tom had started a game of shoe-master, where the last person to put their shoe on their head had to down their wine. Barney had lost. Merlin and Arthur had kicked each other under the table as Tasha told him to 'stop getting so pissed' and tried not to die of laughter as Barney hissed at her to 'stop being so controlling' as he knocked it back.
Merlin and Arthur were getting on like a house on fire. The whole night reminded Merlin of how things used to be, before he'd come out. When all they did was laugh and joke together. He missed their friendship a lot.
'How's your dissertation going?' he asked, messily mopping up some of his bhuna with a bit of naan.
'Yeah, good mate. Loving it, to be honest.'
'And your MA?' Merlin asked quietly, deliberately not looking up.
'It's on the backburner. I don't know, you know how my Dad is...'
'Yeah,' Merlin shrugged. 'It's your decision, but you'd be a fucking good academic you know.' They shared a smile then and Arthur was the first to look away.
'I'm far too irresponsible to be a lecturer.' He gestured at where Barney was raucously singing Oh I'd rather be at Oxford than St. John's. 'I am largely at fault for the mess he's in.'
'I nearly went to St John's,' Merlin said, dreamily.
'I'm glad you didn't,' Arthur said, quickly.
'Why? Because even Oxford is better?'
'No, because I wouldn't have met you,' he admitted, busying himself with his last mouthful of wine before topping them both up.
'You really feel that way, after everything that's happened?' Merlin felt warm, and giddy.
'Course I do,' Arthur said quietly. 'You're the first person I've ever been able to be myself with.'
Merlin couldn't help smiling then, pissed enough to joke, pleased that they felt normal again, 'And I was the best sex you've ever had yeah?'
Arthur snorted, Merlin's drunkenness having taken the sting out, 'Yeah, that too mate, of course.' A blush travelled down his cheeks then. Merlin wanted to follow it down, to kiss his way down his stomach.
'Seriously, though,' Merlin said. 'I'm glad I met you too.' And he was. Despite everything.
***
They headed out to Life afterwards and ended up dancing til 2am and doing shot after shot of Apple Sourz. Barney was sick in the bathroom and Tasha had to take him home, after a baleful glare at Merlin and Arthur who corpsed laughing. Merlin looked over at Lance and Gwen who were snogging passionately on the dance-floor, then to the rest of the committee, bopping away, or chatting, or still playing immature drinking games.
Merlin was a terrible dancer but he didn't really care, pogoing around to Tinie Tempah as Arthur tried out some 'street' moves. He fell over during his attempt to break-dance and Merlin cracked up, kicking him where he was rolling around on the floor. 'You're such a dick.'
'Yeah, probably,' Arthur admitted ruefully. 'Do you want to go back to yours and crack open some nicer wine?' he asked, once he'd got up and dusted himself down.
'Is that sensible?' Merlin asked, chewing his lip.
'I promise to keep my hands to myself,' Arthur said. 'Seriously, I've missed you, and we've got to move on from what happened before. It's in the past. I've only got one term left here, I'd like to graduate as friends.'
'Alright,' Merlin's smile was slow but beaming.
They stopped off for chips at Gardies and walked back through the warm town-centre, full of drunken girls tottering on high heels and sports teams dressed in costume. 'Do you reckon in ten years we'll look back and think what dicks we were?' Arthur asked.
'Yeah, probably,' Merlin admitted. 'Maybe more like in five years,' he corrected himself, as he saw a guy dressed as a unicorn vomiting in a doorway.
'Blatantly,' Arthur said. 'I'm going to miss this place, though. Not least because I wish I could still study here. Do you... um,' he paused.
'What?'
'Do you think my Dad might listen if I talked to him about the MA?' he said, all in a rush.
'Yeah, I do,' Merlin said. 'He'll want you to be happy.'
'He'll also want me to follow in his footsteps,' Arthur said.
'Yeah but he loves you. And you're good at this, and imagine the kudos he'd get from a smart, academic son at Cambridge.'
'Maybe,' Arthur said, then, 'thanks, mate. You've always been the only one to see something different in me.'
'How do you mean?' Merlin asked, round a mouthful of chips.
'Everyone else sees me as this loudmouth, womanizing clown. Fit but no substance. Privileged but entitled.'
'Yes,' Merlin agreed.
'Oi, you see me as more than that. No matter how many awful things I've said, or done, you've believed the best in me.'
'Yeah,' Merlin said. 'I'm a sad case aren't I?' Then he squeezed Arthur's arm, 'You are better than you've behaved. Deep down.'
'I'm sorry,' Arthur said, as Merlin let them in his room. 'For everything. I never meant what I said.'
'I know you didn't,' Merlin said.
'I was just scared of appearances. Behaving like a frightened, bigoted child.'
'You were a massive cock,' Merlin nodded, pouring them each a glass of water rather than wine. He wanted to stop the room spinning somehow.
'I would like us to end the year as friends,' Arthur said, again, settling down in his old spot on Merlin's bed.
'Me too. And I'd like you to talk to your Dad about your MA,' he added.
'Maybe,' he exhaled noisily. 'You're right, I know. I need to just man up and do it.'
'Nut up or shut up,' Merlin agreed.
'Back down before I'm smacked down,' Arthur added nonsensically.
'Don't hate what you ain't,' Merlin countered, and then they both started laughing. It really was like old times, Merlin thought. You could almost forget what had gone on before.
There was a knock at the door then. 'Who's that?' Arthur asked, lifting himself up onto his elbows.
'I dunno,' Merlin said. 'With you here, I can't figure out who else could be drunkenly roaming the corridors.'
He opened the door to be confronted with Lee, dressed in a revealing Gladiator costume (seriously revealing) and swaying. 'Hey blue eyes,' he shouldered past Merlin into his room, obviously not expecting him to have company. He snogged him deeply, cradling his face in his big hands.
'Mmfff,' Merlin said, shoving him off. 'I've got company,' he gestured with his head at Arthur, who looked like he'd just eaten a bowl of cold sick.
'Oh fuck, sorry mate,' Lee held out his hand to Arthur who got up and took it gingerly. 'I'm Lee.'
'Merlin's boyfriend,' Arthur supplied dully.
'No,' he laughed. 'I'm far too slutty for a boyfriend. I'm just a friend of his.'
'Sure,' Arthur tried to smile but it looked incredibly pained. 'I'll leave you guys to it.' He made to leave.
'Lee, I'm quite pissed, can I text you tomorrow?' Merlin asked quietly.
'Yeah sure,' he pinched Merlin's cheek, kissed him quickly on the lips. 'Sleep tight.'
'See you tomorrow Merlin,' Arthur said awkwardly. 'And thanks for tonight.'
'You too,' he smiled. After they'd gone he texted Gwen, 'Think I might be friends with Arthur again? Weird.'
***
The next morning he woke up to a throbbing head, a dry mouth and a text from Arthur. 'I've gone home to talk to my Dad about my MA. Wish me luck.'
'Good luck!!! You can do it!!!' he replied, cursing himself for overusing exclamation marks.
Tom turned up at his room mid-morning. 'Mate, I was fucked last night. Ended up getting with Gwaine.'
'Gwaine as in our Gwaine?'
'Fuck off Merlin, how many Gwaines do you think there are in Cambridge?'
Merlin snorted, 'Good point well made. But seriously, I thought he was straight?'
'Trust me,' Tom said, 'given the performance he put in last night, he is never happier than when being fucked over a table.'
'That's way too much information,' Merlin wrinkled his nose.
'Yeah, sorry about that,' Tom stretched langourously, looking anything but.
'You're so smug,' Merlin laughed, putting on the kettle.
'What about you? Finally let the dashing Lee take your virginity?' Tom waggled his eyebrows lecherously.
'No,' Merlin said, 'I haven't. But I ended up in my room at 3am on my own with Arthur.'
Tom whistled, 'And?'
'And we made up. Not made out, Tom, before you go spreading any stories. We just talked about stuff for ages, he apologised, and we agreed to be friends again.'
'Good for you.'
'And then Lee came in and snogged me in front of him and he looked like he wanted to vom.'
Tom laughed cruelly, 'Obviously still wants you then.'
'I can't think that way,' Merlin said. 'It's not healthy, is it? He's made his decision.'
'The wrong decision.'
'Yeah, you and I know that,' Merlin said. 'But we can't make his choices for him.'
'You're so wise,' Tom sighed, taking his tea from him. 'Like Yoda, or something.'
Merlin snorted, 'Fuck off I am. I've just learned from you,' he smiled.
'Thanks, Merlin,' Tom grinned over his tea at him.
***
Merlin didn't see Arthur round college for two days but got several texts from him. 'Dad has gone mental. Morgana luckily here to calm things.' Then 'I feel better for having told him' and finally one at 3am, 'Honesty is the best policy. Everything is out now.'
Merlin texted him saying, 'I'm proud of you. Come find me when you're back.' Then he heard nothing from him and after worrying briefly that Uther had murdered him and buried him under the patio a la Brookside decided to put Arthur from his mind from a while, concentrate on packing to go home instead. He couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he'd been here for two whole terms. So much had happened: he'd fallen for his best mate, he'd come out, fallen out with his best mate, shagged his best mate, started an on-off relationship, joined the JCR, joined the football team. He'd become a proper person, he decided with a smile, looking at all the photographs around his room: him with Lance and Gwen, him with Akanke, with Tom, with Elena, with Arthur, with the footie team. He'd come so far from his school days, beaten up and bullied and desperately ashamed of who he was.
Gwen and Lance came to say goodbye, then Elena, and Akanke, and Gwaine (who was walking a little stiffly now Merlin thought about it) and Leon. Merlin managed to get everything packed, watch the boxset of Green Wing and even do a bit of preliminary revision for next term by the time night fell.
He was curled up in bed reading - a Philippa Gregory novel, much to his shame - when there was a knock on the door. He decided it was probably Lee.
'Merlin,' it was Arthur, looking shaky and nervous and clutching a note.
Merlin folded his arms, 'Are you here to drunkenly seduce me? I thought we were over this? And you've even brought one of your dirty notes with you.' He felt so let down.
'No, I'm sober, look,' he stood on one leg for Merlin, didn't even wobble, then started reciting the alphabet backwards.
'Hmm,' Merlin said, standing back to let him in. He sat down on the edge of his bed, conscious of the holes in his pyjama bottoms and the scraggy top he had on.
Arthur shifted from one foot to the other, then started to unroll the note.
'Are you about to read me your erotica?' Merlin asked, dryly.
'Please, shh,' Arthur said. He cleared his throat. 'Um.' He fixed his eyes on a spot over Merlin's bed, unfortunately where the rugby naked charity calendar was. Lance had bought it for him as 'a joke'. He looked down at the page, 'I have been a dickhead. And a bastard. I have said bigoted things about gay people and about women. I have slept with over thirty women and only called two of them back.'
Merlin didn't know where to look. Arthur looked so raw, so hunched in on himself.
'I have let my wealth and rank taint me, so I forget that I need to be a good person as well. I have not been honest. I have betrayed the best friend I have ever had.' He stumbled slightly over the words. 'But I cannot live a lie any more. I am not a straight politician.' He looked up from the paper, his eyes meeting Merlin's, which he was sure were as round as saucers. 'I am bisexual, probably, and I'm going to be an academic, and if I ever see you kiss anyone else ever again I'll die.' He looked miserable. 'I am in love with you Merlin. I have been for weeks. I dream of you every night and I don't just want to fuck you, I want to hold you, to hold hands with you, to kiss you in public, to meet your Mum.'
Merlin wondered remotely if he was going to faint. Arthur wasn't looking at the paper any more, it hung loosely in his hand. 'Please let me kiss you. Let me date you. I think, um, I think I want to be your boyfriend. Very much.'
Merlin didn't get up - didn't trust his knees - and didn't say anything. He tried, honestly, but all that came out was a squeak.
Arthur came over, knelt between Merlin's knees. 'Please Merlin. Will you?'
'Of course I will,' Merlin said, and kissed him.
The kiss started out slow and sweet, just barely any pressure, but quickly became dirty, Arthur's tongue stroking over Merlin's before he sucked it into his mouth in a way that made Merlin grind against him. 'I love you,' Arthur said, busying himself with pulling Merlin's T-shirt over his head and kissing over his collarbones.
'I love you too,' Merlin started to unbutton Arthur's shirt, his fingers trembling as he did it. He bent to press a quick, hot kiss to the skin as he revealed it.
'I came out to my Dad,' Arthur said, pushing Merlin flat to the bed and shucking off his jeans before climbing over him, rubbing his erection wetly against Merlin's leg.
'Ew, I don't want to hear about your Dad whilst I've got a bonk on.'
Arthur's answer was to pull Merlin's boxers down, lean back and admire how hard he was. He bent to kiss it, tonguing the dripping slit roughly until Merlin was gasping. Started tossing him off, admiring Merlin's dick, steadily leaking pre-come, as he did it, 'You're so wet for me, Merlin,' he said.
Merlin moaned incoherently, reaching up to kiss him, pulling him down towards him until the angle was too awkward for the handjob so Arthur just held it instead, Merlin hard in his hand.
'Can I fuck you?' Arthur asked, against his lips.
Merlin closed his eyes, looked away, remembered all of the filthy notes Arthur had sent him, 'Yes,' he said.
'Have you-?'
'I'm LGBT rep, of course I have,' Merlin spluttered. 'Bottom drawer.'
Arthur rummaged around, came up with a handful of the notes. 'You kept them?'
'Um, yeah,' Merlin flushed, no matter that he was naked in front of him it was still embarrassing. 'Had the occasional wank over them,' he admitted.
Arthur looked lustful then, 'Let me watch,' he said.
'Pervert,' Merlin retorted but he let his hand slide down to his dick, where it was heavy, wet in his hand. Started slowly tossing himself off, tightening his grip every time the foreskin slid over the head. Arthur threw him the lube. 'Fuck yourself for me,' he said, hoarsely, coming over to watch.
Merlin felt wanton then, powerful, leaning back against the wall and drawing his knees up so Arthur could see everything. Arthur licked his lips as Merlin squeezed lube on his fingers, teased them over his arsehole, skating over gently, very conscious of Arthur's proximity, of him slowly fisting his erection as he watched.
Merlin slid the tip of his finger in, enjoyed the cool feel of the lube, the slide as he slowly pushed his whole finger inside, letting his body adjust to it. He carried on stroking his dick with his other hand as he started thrusting his finger in and out, watching the way Arthur unconsciously timed his strokes with the way his finger moved, so conscious of the fact that Arthur would be in him soon.
He added a second finger then, stretching himself out, feeling his finger hit that spot that made his toes curl.
'I want to do it,' Arthur said. 'Show me?'
Merlin nodded, getting Arthur's fingers as wet, letting him skirt his finger over the tiny hole before pushing inside. His finger feels thicker than Merlin's did and Merlin forced himself to relax as he added a second, scissoring them, stretching them out. 'You're so hot,' he pressed a kiss to Merlin's balls, to his dick, licked a wet stripe over the head.
'Please, I want you inside me,' Merlin complained, thrusting himself onto Arthur's fingers, fucking himself desperately on them.
'Lie back,' Arthur muttered, opening the Durex wrapper with shaky fingers. 'Fuck, I feel like a virgin again,' he said, smiling at Merlin.
'Me too,' Merlin said stupidly.
'You are a virgin,' Arthur pointed out.
'Oh yeah,' Merlin sounded dreamy. He arranged himself against the pillows, legs splayed open.
'You ready?' Arthur asked, sliding his lubed up erection against the cleft of Merlin's arse.
'Um, yes,' he hissed.
Arthur lined up his erection against Merlin's slick hole, pressed gently in.
'Fuck,' Merlin whined as he felt the broad, blunt head of Arthur's dick enter him, stretching him more than his fingers ever had. Arthur pushed in slowly, his face intent, his eyes never leaving Merlin's for more than a moment. Merlin was so conscious of how big Arthur felt inside him, of how deep he was going. His toes curled with the sensation.
'Breathe,' Arthur instructed and he remembered how to suddenly, gasping as Arthur pushed all the way in, felt his balls press against his arse.
'You okay?' he rested his forehead against Merlin's.
'Fuck, yes, move, please' and Arthur did, thrusting shallowly at first, rocking his hips just a bit until Merlin adjusted to it, started writhing and moaning against him.
'Fuck you're tight,' he gritted out, starting to move faster, gripping Merlin's hips.
Merlin started rubbing his own erection, giving himself over to the sensation as Arthur's dick hit that spot inside of him time and time again, moans falling from his lips constantly. Merlin couldn't remember a time when he'd ever been this turned on before, his dick felt so hard it was almost painful, he pumped it hard and fast as he leaked pre-come all over his fingers. 'Fuck, Arthur, I want,' he moaned.
'I know,' Arthur soothed, driving in deeper, tilting his hips slightly so it felt better than anything Merlin had ever felt before. 'You feel so fucking good around me. I can't last much longer.' His hand replaced Merlin's on his dick and it only took three strokes for Merlin to fuck up into his hand, feel his balls tighten up and shoot come all over both of their stomachs, white-hot and almost painful it felt so good.
‘You’re so hot, Merlin, you’re so hot,’ Arthur said, his voice low and hoarse, thrusting harder and faster, slamming into him so the bed rocked against the wall until with a groan he pushed all the way inside Merlin, ground his hips against him as he came and came. Merlin enjoyed the feel of his dick pulsing, the way he said every filthy thing under the sun, and the way his eyes stayed open, staring at Merlin.
Afterwards he pulled out gingerly, tied up the condom and lobbed it at the bin. ‘Yes,’ he punched the air when he hit the target.
Merlin rolled his eyes, ‘You’ll never change, will you?’
‘You wouldn’t want me to,’ Arthur said, climbing back into bed, curling around Merlin, arranging his long limbs to his satisfaction. ‘You’ve changed me enough,’ he said, his voice shy. ‘You’ve made me a better person, a more honest person.’ He kissed the back of Merlin’s neck, on the nape.
‘You’ve made me so happy,’ Merlin said, snuggling into him, drifting off to sleep.
The next thing Merlin remembered was waking up the next morning, cold and alone. ‘Fuck,’ he thought. ‘Not again,’ he punched the pillow.
Then the door went, Arthur’s head poked round it. He looked adorably bed-headed and was wearing Merlin’s old dressing-gown and carrying two mugs of tea.
‘Morning beautiful,’ he winked.
‘Morning,’ Merlin leaned in to kiss him. ‘I thought you’d run away again.’
Arthur scoffed at him, ‘As if.’
‘Promise?’ Merlin asked, intently.
‘I promise,’ Arthur said, his eyes soft. ‘I’ll never leave you again. I promise.’
And maybe it was the amazing sex they’d had, or the fact he was head over heels for him, or even that he’d just made the most phenomenal cup of tea he’d ever had but Merlin believed him. Kissed him. ‘Merlin and Arthur, together always, that’s how it was supposed to be in the legend. That’s what you told me when we first met.’
‘Yeah,’ Arthur agreed, kissing him back. 'No more secrets. Just us.'
And Merlin realised then, with his hands twined round Arthur's neck, that nothing else would ever feel as right as this. 'I love you,' he sighed.
'I love you too. Now hurry up and drink your tea, it'll get cold.'
'You romantic,' Merlin needled. But he smiled, picked it up, looked at Arthur: at his blond hair, his broad smile, his perfect teeth, how sweet he looked with his hair all messed up. Mine he thought. And his heart felt as if it would burst.
-- THE END
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: COMPLETE (omg) at 45k.
Warnings: Some homophobia.
Summary: Modern AU. Merlin has always dreamed of going to Cambridge University and is thrilled to win a place at Queens’ College. Whilst there he falls hopelessly in love with the JCR President, drinking society President, Lacrosse captain and all-round popular guy Arthur Pendragon. Arthur takes him under his wing until Merlin stands to be LGBT Rep on the JCR and Arthur realises that Merlin likes boys. Full of Cambridge slang, UST, Arthur being a knobhead with no knob, and eventual happy ending.
The chapters: CHAPTER ONE; CHAPTER TWO; CHAPTER THREE; CHAPTER FOUR; CHAPTER FIVE; CHAPTER SIX; CHAPTER SEVEN; CHAPTER EIGHT; CHAPTER NINE
Merlin was woken three times over the space of the next week by a knock on his door between one and four in the morning.
‘Fuck off Arthur, I said no,’ he would yell, and then the knocks would stop. And yes, okay, so his voice shook whilst he said the words, and he couldn’t stop himself creating elaborate, dirty fantasies about what would happen if he opened the door, but he was proud of himself for staying strong.
After the next JCR meeting he cornered Arthur, noticing that Arthur was wearing a very tight white T-shirt and was covered in a golden tan.
He shook his head as if to clear the fug of longing, ‘We need to talk,’ he said.
‘Is here the right place?’ Arthur asked, looking nervously about them where people were hanging around, watching TV.
Merlin sighed, ‘Fine, my room.’
They walked up in awkward silence. Merlin couldn’t be bothered to make small-talk and Arthur seemed to be lost in a world of his own, chewing constantly at the corner of his lip.
Merlin sat down in the swivel-chair by his computer, gestured to the uncomfortable wooden chair he also had.
Arthur shook his head, ‘It’s alright, I’ll stand.’
Merlin rolled his eyes. ‘Okay, whatever.’
‘Now what did you want to talk about?’ Arthur looked the picture of confusion.
‘Oh don’t play the innocent with me, Arthur, that’s outrageous,’ Merlin laughed. ‘We need to talk about these nocturnal visits you keep making.’
‘Ah,’ Arthur said, staring fixedly at the tip of Merlin’s right ear rather than looking him in the eye.
‘Now don’t get me wrong - you know how I feel about you,’ it was Merlin’s turn to look away. ‘But you’ve made the decision to stay in the closet. I think it’s the wrong decision, but it’s your life, not mine, and it would be unfair for me to dictate to you when is appropriate for you to come out.’
‘I’m not gay,’ Arthur’s voice was low, embarrassed.
‘Fine, bisexual then,’ Merlin said. ‘Semantics. My point is, though, that if you aren't ready to come out, and if you're determined to pretend that there's nothing between us then fine, but it is totally unfair for you to turn up drunkenly in the middle of the night and try to sleep with me.'
Arthur flushed bright red, stayed looking at the tip of Merlin's ear, 'I don't intend to do it.'
'Really? So your feet, independently of the rest of you, bring you here against your will?' Merlin scoffed.
'No, it's not like that. I want to stay away. I've made my decision, I know that. But when I've been drinking it's hard. I have feelings for you and with my inhibitions lowered all I want to do is come here and see you again.'
'I'm worth more than that,' Merlin said. 'I'm worth more than a drunken fuck, okay? So you need to stay away from me, now. Stop drinking and stop pestering me.
'I wasn't aware you hated me this much,' Arthur did look at him then, his eyes hurt.
'I love you,' Merlin said bluntly. 'I always have. But I can't let myself love you any more, because it will just hurt us more in the long-run. We both need to move on. I'm seeing someone else.'
'I know,' Arthur muttered angrily.
'And you're sleeping with half of college,' Merlin put in stroppily. 'So these 1am visits need to stop. As do the notes.'
He picked up half a dozen bits of paper that had been pushed in his pigeon-hole. They were filthy. Honestly, Merlin thought that if politics didn't work out Arthur should have a career writing erotica. And for someone who was trying so ludicrously hard to pretend he was straight, he certainly seemed to have a fascination with Merlin’s arse.
There were countless references to slicking up long fingers and fucking into you whilst you tighten around me and Merlin didn’t think he’d forget Arthur’s ode to rimming for a long, long time.
Merlin would scan the notes, get cross, and throw them away. But more often than not he’d then end up rescuing the crumpled balls of paper from the bin and opening them up, keeping them in the bottom drawer of his bedside cabinet. Sometimes, when his willpower had gone, or Lee had had to leave early for a match, he’d open them, read them, and end up having incredibly frustrating dreams.
‘The notes are, um,’ Arthur stumbled, ‘they’re not anything I set out to do I just-’
‘…get drunk and horny?’ Merlin asked. ‘Yeah, well so do I, and you’re sorely testing my will-power. I know that not giving in to you is the right thing to do but it’s hardly easy. I mean, look at you.’ He waved a bitter hand at Arthur, who was lounging against the wall, his crossed arms only emphasising his arm muscles. Merlin swallowed, looked away.
Arthur looked discomfited, ‘I apologise for making you uncomfortable,’ he said. ‘I won’t bother you again.’
‘No, it’s not like that,’ Merlin said, irritated by Arthur’s manner, by his seeming unwillingness to confront this head on. ‘I like you, and I like spending time with you, and whilst I’m on the JCR I have to spend time with you, but you've made it abundantly clear that we can't have a relationship. As much as I care about you, I'm not prepared to just be a drunken shag, okay?'
Arthur was beetroot red. 'Okay.'
'No more notes? No more visits?' Merlin persisted.
'No more notes. No more visits.' Arthur was picking at a scab on his arm, not looking anywhere near Merlin.
'Fine,' Merlin sighed. 'I'll see you at our next meeting, okay?'
'Okay,' Arthur agreed, turning to leave. 'I am sorry,' he said, over his shoulder.
Merlin shrugged, 'S'not really enough though is it?'
'No,' Arthur admitted. He slammed the door behind him and Merlin flopped on to his bed, fought the urge to have a good old self-indulgent cry. He was sick to the back-teeth of doing the right thing. He was sick of catching Arthur looking longingly at him across the library, then seeing him sticking his tongue down the throat of random girls; sick of him knocking at Merlin's door in the wee hours, only to barely say two words to him in public. And most of all he was sick of wanting him so badly, of having to steel himself to turn him away when all he wanted was to let Arthur do all the dirty things he wanted.
Merlin was still seeing Lee but the way he felt about him was certainly not the way he felt about Arthur. Lee made him laugh, and he made him come, but Arthur had only to look at Merlin a certain way for his stomach to drop with need. He felt like a heroine in a bad rom-com and knew that it wasn't a good look for him.
Lee, too, found it incredibly annoying. He'd been round once when Arthur had done it. He'd been doing something particularly interesting with his tongue to Merlin's balls and choked with surprise when someone started bashing on the door. He propped himself up onto his elbow over Merlin's thighs. 'Who the fuck is that?'
Merlin had flopped back, his erection starting to fade, 'A guy I know who is ostensibly straight but who always tries to fuck me when drunk.'
Lee weighed this up, 'Is he hot?'
Merlin half-smiled, 'Yes. Very.'
'Up for a threesome?'
'Ha, no,' Merlin tittered, awkwardly.
'Then he can fuck off,' he yelled the final two words through the door. 'He's not interested mate, he's already being fucked, and I'll even acknowledge him in the morning.'
There had then been the sound of footsteps and the door slamming. Merlin found his erection had withered. Lee looked at it, then up at Merlin. 'You into him then?'
Merlin sighed, 'I'd rather not have this conversation when naked.'
Lee laughed, 'I find being naked for any conversation makes it much more interesting.' And then he'd kissed him and Arthur hadn't been mentioned again.
***
One week since the conversation and Merlin's night-time visitations had stopped. He was pleased, mostly, but also slightly disappointed, kept having to fight the urge to have a rifle in his bottom drawer for the dirty letters Arthur had written.
'You've got what you wanted, Merlin,' Gwen told him. She was sitting on his bed, swinging her legs, wearing a very pretty red Topshop dress.
'Yeah, I know I have,' Merlin was buttoning his shirt up wrong with fumbling fingers, frowning at his reflection in the mirror. 'But part of me thought maybe if I pushed him like this he'd realise how much he missed me, make the decision to come out.'
Gwen looked sympathetic, 'It's not that easy for him, Merlin. I know you want him to make that decision but it's really got to be his choice.' She got up, slapped his hands away and re-buttoned his shirt herself, tugging it straight. 'He'll be there tonight, you know. Are you up to dealing with that?'
'Yes,' Merlin said grumpily. Then, 'no. Oh I don't know, Gwen. Everywhere I look he's there, looking all tousled and fit.'
She giggled and he dug her in the ribs with a finger, 'It's alright for you, you're the one getting pleasured every night by Lance. I hear from his room-mate that you're quite the screamer.'
Gwen put her hands over her ears, flushed a similar shade to her dress. 'No, he did not say that!'
Merlin looked stern then subsided into a snigger, 'Nah, he didn't. Bet you are though,' he poked his tongue out.
'You're so annoying,' she tickled him. 'Now come on, we're going to be late for the handover!'
JCR Handover dinner was a tradition where the outgoing committee paid for a meal for the incoming committee. Tonight they were all going to The Mahal, where for a tenner you got curry, poppadoms, a naan bread and could behave as badly as you wanted. Everyone brought a bottle of wine and the order of the day was to get battered, be it by pennying everyone around you (a weird Cambridge practice where if you managed to drop a penny in someone's drink they had to down it) or through the ridiculous drinking games.
Merlin had purposefully not drunk a single drop of alcohol for the past week, to try and preemptively make up to his liver what he was about to put it through.
'How drunk am I going to be later?' Merlin asked her.
Gwen laughed, as one of the outgoing a committee she knew exactly what they'd put them through. 'You'll probably be sick in your bin. You might want to empty it now,' she said helpfully, flipping her hair over her shoulder with a smirk.
'Oh fuck off,' Merlin said. But he emptied it anyway, much to her amusement.
By the time they got there - having been forced to stop so Merlin could buy a packet of crisps to 'line his stomach' - most of the seats at the long trestle tables were taken.
Merlin sat down at one end of one of them and Gwen darted over to sit by the new women's officer, greeting her with two noisy smacks on the cheek. Merlin was sat next to Barney - his college brother - who he'd barely spoken to all term. He was nice enough, but they only had enough in common to pass a few minutes. Opposite Barney was Tasha, Merlin's college sister, who was the new environmental rep. Barney and Tasha had entered into an incredibly passionate relationship in their second week which meant you never saw the one without the other. It was a shame, Merlin thought, as he liked Tasha, and he felt that she could have been a good friend.
'How've you been Merlin?' she asked, twining her fingers round Barney's possessively, as if Merlin was about to jump across the table and snog him.
'Good yeah, busy, you know. What about you guys, how long have you been together now?'
'Nearly 6 months, can you believe it?' she simpered across at Barney. 'I don't know what I'd do without him.'
Barney flushed, looked embarrassedly at Merlin before a squeeze to his fingers prompted him to say, 'Gosh, yeah, I just love her.'
Then they started kissing.
Merlin looked around desperately for somewhere else to sit but the only other empty seat was opposite him. He resigned himself to an evening of getting quietly drunk to counteract their shenanigans when he heard a familiar voice, 'Guys, guys, it's alright. I'm here - the party can begin!'
Everyone laughed and/or rolled their eyes at the sight of Arthur framed in the doorway with a bottle of wine under each arm. He smiled round at everyone until he clocked that the only empty seat was the one opposite Merlin. He swallowed, straightened his shoulders and came over.
'Barney,' he shook his hand. 'The lovely Tasha,' he kissed her knuckles. She giggled. Barney didn't.
'Merlin,' he said evenly.
'Arthur,' he responded.
They stared at one another for a bit before Merlin sat back in his chair, decided to take the moral high-ground and act as if nothing had happened. 'Wine?' he didn't wait for Arthur to answer, just poured them both a very full glass.
'Penny!' Barney laughed gleefully as he immediately plopped a coin in each of their glasses.
Merlin grimaced, 'Really? Before dinner?'
'You know the rules!' He looked like he was about to choke on his own mirth.
Merlin clinked his glass against Arthur's and they shared a silent moment of how fucking annoying are they before knocking it back. Merlin's throat burned at the taste of the cheap Chardonnay that had been on offer in Sainsbury's.
'Fuck, s'disgusting,' Arthur said. 'Teach me to buy wine that's two bottles for six squid.' He wiped his mouth and Merlin laughed.
'I did the same. It tastes like piss. Cold piss, but piss nonetheless.'
'I didn't have time to chill mine so mine tastes like warm piss,' Arthur huffed. He picked his coin out of his glass and leaned in to Merlin who was dizzyingly aware of how close he was.
'Let's take our revenge. I'll pour, you penny.'
Arthur took advantage of their distraction to fill both of their glasses to the brim. Merlin dropped the coins in with a satisfying 'clink'.
'Ahem,' he interrupted and pointed silently to their glasses. Tasha looked quite cross but Arthur was unrepentant and just clapped Barney on the back. 'Chin chin, old man.'
***
By the time their curries arrived, pretty much everyone was pissed. Gwen had led a round of the boat race (where one side of the table raced the other side to all finish their glasses) and even Tom had started a game of shoe-master, where the last person to put their shoe on their head had to down their wine. Barney had lost. Merlin and Arthur had kicked each other under the table as Tasha told him to 'stop getting so pissed' and tried not to die of laughter as Barney hissed at her to 'stop being so controlling' as he knocked it back.
Merlin and Arthur were getting on like a house on fire. The whole night reminded Merlin of how things used to be, before he'd come out. When all they did was laugh and joke together. He missed their friendship a lot.
'How's your dissertation going?' he asked, messily mopping up some of his bhuna with a bit of naan.
'Yeah, good mate. Loving it, to be honest.'
'And your MA?' Merlin asked quietly, deliberately not looking up.
'It's on the backburner. I don't know, you know how my Dad is...'
'Yeah,' Merlin shrugged. 'It's your decision, but you'd be a fucking good academic you know.' They shared a smile then and Arthur was the first to look away.
'I'm far too irresponsible to be a lecturer.' He gestured at where Barney was raucously singing Oh I'd rather be at Oxford than St. John's. 'I am largely at fault for the mess he's in.'
'I nearly went to St John's,' Merlin said, dreamily.
'I'm glad you didn't,' Arthur said, quickly.
'Why? Because even Oxford is better?'
'No, because I wouldn't have met you,' he admitted, busying himself with his last mouthful of wine before topping them both up.
'You really feel that way, after everything that's happened?' Merlin felt warm, and giddy.
'Course I do,' Arthur said quietly. 'You're the first person I've ever been able to be myself with.'
Merlin couldn't help smiling then, pissed enough to joke, pleased that they felt normal again, 'And I was the best sex you've ever had yeah?'
Arthur snorted, Merlin's drunkenness having taken the sting out, 'Yeah, that too mate, of course.' A blush travelled down his cheeks then. Merlin wanted to follow it down, to kiss his way down his stomach.
'Seriously, though,' Merlin said. 'I'm glad I met you too.' And he was. Despite everything.
***
They headed out to Life afterwards and ended up dancing til 2am and doing shot after shot of Apple Sourz. Barney was sick in the bathroom and Tasha had to take him home, after a baleful glare at Merlin and Arthur who corpsed laughing. Merlin looked over at Lance and Gwen who were snogging passionately on the dance-floor, then to the rest of the committee, bopping away, or chatting, or still playing immature drinking games.
Merlin was a terrible dancer but he didn't really care, pogoing around to Tinie Tempah as Arthur tried out some 'street' moves. He fell over during his attempt to break-dance and Merlin cracked up, kicking him where he was rolling around on the floor. 'You're such a dick.'
'Yeah, probably,' Arthur admitted ruefully. 'Do you want to go back to yours and crack open some nicer wine?' he asked, once he'd got up and dusted himself down.
'Is that sensible?' Merlin asked, chewing his lip.
'I promise to keep my hands to myself,' Arthur said. 'Seriously, I've missed you, and we've got to move on from what happened before. It's in the past. I've only got one term left here, I'd like to graduate as friends.'
'Alright,' Merlin's smile was slow but beaming.
They stopped off for chips at Gardies and walked back through the warm town-centre, full of drunken girls tottering on high heels and sports teams dressed in costume. 'Do you reckon in ten years we'll look back and think what dicks we were?' Arthur asked.
'Yeah, probably,' Merlin admitted. 'Maybe more like in five years,' he corrected himself, as he saw a guy dressed as a unicorn vomiting in a doorway.
'Blatantly,' Arthur said. 'I'm going to miss this place, though. Not least because I wish I could still study here. Do you... um,' he paused.
'What?'
'Do you think my Dad might listen if I talked to him about the MA?' he said, all in a rush.
'Yeah, I do,' Merlin said. 'He'll want you to be happy.'
'He'll also want me to follow in his footsteps,' Arthur said.
'Yeah but he loves you. And you're good at this, and imagine the kudos he'd get from a smart, academic son at Cambridge.'
'Maybe,' Arthur said, then, 'thanks, mate. You've always been the only one to see something different in me.'
'How do you mean?' Merlin asked, round a mouthful of chips.
'Everyone else sees me as this loudmouth, womanizing clown. Fit but no substance. Privileged but entitled.'
'Yes,' Merlin agreed.
'Oi, you see me as more than that. No matter how many awful things I've said, or done, you've believed the best in me.'
'Yeah,' Merlin said. 'I'm a sad case aren't I?' Then he squeezed Arthur's arm, 'You are better than you've behaved. Deep down.'
'I'm sorry,' Arthur said, as Merlin let them in his room. 'For everything. I never meant what I said.'
'I know you didn't,' Merlin said.
'I was just scared of appearances. Behaving like a frightened, bigoted child.'
'You were a massive cock,' Merlin nodded, pouring them each a glass of water rather than wine. He wanted to stop the room spinning somehow.
'I would like us to end the year as friends,' Arthur said, again, settling down in his old spot on Merlin's bed.
'Me too. And I'd like you to talk to your Dad about your MA,' he added.
'Maybe,' he exhaled noisily. 'You're right, I know. I need to just man up and do it.'
'Nut up or shut up,' Merlin agreed.
'Back down before I'm smacked down,' Arthur added nonsensically.
'Don't hate what you ain't,' Merlin countered, and then they both started laughing. It really was like old times, Merlin thought. You could almost forget what had gone on before.
There was a knock at the door then. 'Who's that?' Arthur asked, lifting himself up onto his elbows.
'I dunno,' Merlin said. 'With you here, I can't figure out who else could be drunkenly roaming the corridors.'
He opened the door to be confronted with Lee, dressed in a revealing Gladiator costume (seriously revealing) and swaying. 'Hey blue eyes,' he shouldered past Merlin into his room, obviously not expecting him to have company. He snogged him deeply, cradling his face in his big hands.
'Mmfff,' Merlin said, shoving him off. 'I've got company,' he gestured with his head at Arthur, who looked like he'd just eaten a bowl of cold sick.
'Oh fuck, sorry mate,' Lee held out his hand to Arthur who got up and took it gingerly. 'I'm Lee.'
'Merlin's boyfriend,' Arthur supplied dully.
'No,' he laughed. 'I'm far too slutty for a boyfriend. I'm just a friend of his.'
'Sure,' Arthur tried to smile but it looked incredibly pained. 'I'll leave you guys to it.' He made to leave.
'Lee, I'm quite pissed, can I text you tomorrow?' Merlin asked quietly.
'Yeah sure,' he pinched Merlin's cheek, kissed him quickly on the lips. 'Sleep tight.'
'See you tomorrow Merlin,' Arthur said awkwardly. 'And thanks for tonight.'
'You too,' he smiled. After they'd gone he texted Gwen, 'Think I might be friends with Arthur again? Weird.'
***
The next morning he woke up to a throbbing head, a dry mouth and a text from Arthur. 'I've gone home to talk to my Dad about my MA. Wish me luck.'
'Good luck!!! You can do it!!!' he replied, cursing himself for overusing exclamation marks.
Tom turned up at his room mid-morning. 'Mate, I was fucked last night. Ended up getting with Gwaine.'
'Gwaine as in our Gwaine?'
'Fuck off Merlin, how many Gwaines do you think there are in Cambridge?'
Merlin snorted, 'Good point well made. But seriously, I thought he was straight?'
'Trust me,' Tom said, 'given the performance he put in last night, he is never happier than when being fucked over a table.'
'That's way too much information,' Merlin wrinkled his nose.
'Yeah, sorry about that,' Tom stretched langourously, looking anything but.
'You're so smug,' Merlin laughed, putting on the kettle.
'What about you? Finally let the dashing Lee take your virginity?' Tom waggled his eyebrows lecherously.
'No,' Merlin said, 'I haven't. But I ended up in my room at 3am on my own with Arthur.'
Tom whistled, 'And?'
'And we made up. Not made out, Tom, before you go spreading any stories. We just talked about stuff for ages, he apologised, and we agreed to be friends again.'
'Good for you.'
'And then Lee came in and snogged me in front of him and he looked like he wanted to vom.'
Tom laughed cruelly, 'Obviously still wants you then.'
'I can't think that way,' Merlin said. 'It's not healthy, is it? He's made his decision.'
'The wrong decision.'
'Yeah, you and I know that,' Merlin said. 'But we can't make his choices for him.'
'You're so wise,' Tom sighed, taking his tea from him. 'Like Yoda, or something.'
Merlin snorted, 'Fuck off I am. I've just learned from you,' he smiled.
'Thanks, Merlin,' Tom grinned over his tea at him.
***
Merlin didn't see Arthur round college for two days but got several texts from him. 'Dad has gone mental. Morgana luckily here to calm things.' Then 'I feel better for having told him' and finally one at 3am, 'Honesty is the best policy. Everything is out now.'
Merlin texted him saying, 'I'm proud of you. Come find me when you're back.' Then he heard nothing from him and after worrying briefly that Uther had murdered him and buried him under the patio a la Brookside decided to put Arthur from his mind from a while, concentrate on packing to go home instead. He couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he'd been here for two whole terms. So much had happened: he'd fallen for his best mate, he'd come out, fallen out with his best mate, shagged his best mate, started an on-off relationship, joined the JCR, joined the football team. He'd become a proper person, he decided with a smile, looking at all the photographs around his room: him with Lance and Gwen, him with Akanke, with Tom, with Elena, with Arthur, with the footie team. He'd come so far from his school days, beaten up and bullied and desperately ashamed of who he was.
Gwen and Lance came to say goodbye, then Elena, and Akanke, and Gwaine (who was walking a little stiffly now Merlin thought about it) and Leon. Merlin managed to get everything packed, watch the boxset of Green Wing and even do a bit of preliminary revision for next term by the time night fell.
He was curled up in bed reading - a Philippa Gregory novel, much to his shame - when there was a knock on the door. He decided it was probably Lee.
'Merlin,' it was Arthur, looking shaky and nervous and clutching a note.
Merlin folded his arms, 'Are you here to drunkenly seduce me? I thought we were over this? And you've even brought one of your dirty notes with you.' He felt so let down.
'No, I'm sober, look,' he stood on one leg for Merlin, didn't even wobble, then started reciting the alphabet backwards.
'Hmm,' Merlin said, standing back to let him in. He sat down on the edge of his bed, conscious of the holes in his pyjama bottoms and the scraggy top he had on.
Arthur shifted from one foot to the other, then started to unroll the note.
'Are you about to read me your erotica?' Merlin asked, dryly.
'Please, shh,' Arthur said. He cleared his throat. 'Um.' He fixed his eyes on a spot over Merlin's bed, unfortunately where the rugby naked charity calendar was. Lance had bought it for him as 'a joke'. He looked down at the page, 'I have been a dickhead. And a bastard. I have said bigoted things about gay people and about women. I have slept with over thirty women and only called two of them back.'
Merlin didn't know where to look. Arthur looked so raw, so hunched in on himself.
'I have let my wealth and rank taint me, so I forget that I need to be a good person as well. I have not been honest. I have betrayed the best friend I have ever had.' He stumbled slightly over the words. 'But I cannot live a lie any more. I am not a straight politician.' He looked up from the paper, his eyes meeting Merlin's, which he was sure were as round as saucers. 'I am bisexual, probably, and I'm going to be an academic, and if I ever see you kiss anyone else ever again I'll die.' He looked miserable. 'I am in love with you Merlin. I have been for weeks. I dream of you every night and I don't just want to fuck you, I want to hold you, to hold hands with you, to kiss you in public, to meet your Mum.'
Merlin wondered remotely if he was going to faint. Arthur wasn't looking at the paper any more, it hung loosely in his hand. 'Please let me kiss you. Let me date you. I think, um, I think I want to be your boyfriend. Very much.'
Merlin didn't get up - didn't trust his knees - and didn't say anything. He tried, honestly, but all that came out was a squeak.
Arthur came over, knelt between Merlin's knees. 'Please Merlin. Will you?'
'Of course I will,' Merlin said, and kissed him.
The kiss started out slow and sweet, just barely any pressure, but quickly became dirty, Arthur's tongue stroking over Merlin's before he sucked it into his mouth in a way that made Merlin grind against him. 'I love you,' Arthur said, busying himself with pulling Merlin's T-shirt over his head and kissing over his collarbones.
'I love you too,' Merlin started to unbutton Arthur's shirt, his fingers trembling as he did it. He bent to press a quick, hot kiss to the skin as he revealed it.
'I came out to my Dad,' Arthur said, pushing Merlin flat to the bed and shucking off his jeans before climbing over him, rubbing his erection wetly against Merlin's leg.
'Ew, I don't want to hear about your Dad whilst I've got a bonk on.'
Arthur's answer was to pull Merlin's boxers down, lean back and admire how hard he was. He bent to kiss it, tonguing the dripping slit roughly until Merlin was gasping. Started tossing him off, admiring Merlin's dick, steadily leaking pre-come, as he did it, 'You're so wet for me, Merlin,' he said.
Merlin moaned incoherently, reaching up to kiss him, pulling him down towards him until the angle was too awkward for the handjob so Arthur just held it instead, Merlin hard in his hand.
'Can I fuck you?' Arthur asked, against his lips.
Merlin closed his eyes, looked away, remembered all of the filthy notes Arthur had sent him, 'Yes,' he said.
'Have you-?'
'I'm LGBT rep, of course I have,' Merlin spluttered. 'Bottom drawer.'
Arthur rummaged around, came up with a handful of the notes. 'You kept them?'
'Um, yeah,' Merlin flushed, no matter that he was naked in front of him it was still embarrassing. 'Had the occasional wank over them,' he admitted.
Arthur looked lustful then, 'Let me watch,' he said.
'Pervert,' Merlin retorted but he let his hand slide down to his dick, where it was heavy, wet in his hand. Started slowly tossing himself off, tightening his grip every time the foreskin slid over the head. Arthur threw him the lube. 'Fuck yourself for me,' he said, hoarsely, coming over to watch.
Merlin felt wanton then, powerful, leaning back against the wall and drawing his knees up so Arthur could see everything. Arthur licked his lips as Merlin squeezed lube on his fingers, teased them over his arsehole, skating over gently, very conscious of Arthur's proximity, of him slowly fisting his erection as he watched.
Merlin slid the tip of his finger in, enjoyed the cool feel of the lube, the slide as he slowly pushed his whole finger inside, letting his body adjust to it. He carried on stroking his dick with his other hand as he started thrusting his finger in and out, watching the way Arthur unconsciously timed his strokes with the way his finger moved, so conscious of the fact that Arthur would be in him soon.
He added a second finger then, stretching himself out, feeling his finger hit that spot that made his toes curl.
'I want to do it,' Arthur said. 'Show me?'
Merlin nodded, getting Arthur's fingers as wet, letting him skirt his finger over the tiny hole before pushing inside. His finger feels thicker than Merlin's did and Merlin forced himself to relax as he added a second, scissoring them, stretching them out. 'You're so hot,' he pressed a kiss to Merlin's balls, to his dick, licked a wet stripe over the head.
'Please, I want you inside me,' Merlin complained, thrusting himself onto Arthur's fingers, fucking himself desperately on them.
'Lie back,' Arthur muttered, opening the Durex wrapper with shaky fingers. 'Fuck, I feel like a virgin again,' he said, smiling at Merlin.
'Me too,' Merlin said stupidly.
'You are a virgin,' Arthur pointed out.
'Oh yeah,' Merlin sounded dreamy. He arranged himself against the pillows, legs splayed open.
'You ready?' Arthur asked, sliding his lubed up erection against the cleft of Merlin's arse.
'Um, yes,' he hissed.
Arthur lined up his erection against Merlin's slick hole, pressed gently in.
'Fuck,' Merlin whined as he felt the broad, blunt head of Arthur's dick enter him, stretching him more than his fingers ever had. Arthur pushed in slowly, his face intent, his eyes never leaving Merlin's for more than a moment. Merlin was so conscious of how big Arthur felt inside him, of how deep he was going. His toes curled with the sensation.
'Breathe,' Arthur instructed and he remembered how to suddenly, gasping as Arthur pushed all the way in, felt his balls press against his arse.
'You okay?' he rested his forehead against Merlin's.
'Fuck, yes, move, please' and Arthur did, thrusting shallowly at first, rocking his hips just a bit until Merlin adjusted to it, started writhing and moaning against him.
'Fuck you're tight,' he gritted out, starting to move faster, gripping Merlin's hips.
Merlin started rubbing his own erection, giving himself over to the sensation as Arthur's dick hit that spot inside of him time and time again, moans falling from his lips constantly. Merlin couldn't remember a time when he'd ever been this turned on before, his dick felt so hard it was almost painful, he pumped it hard and fast as he leaked pre-come all over his fingers. 'Fuck, Arthur, I want,' he moaned.
'I know,' Arthur soothed, driving in deeper, tilting his hips slightly so it felt better than anything Merlin had ever felt before. 'You feel so fucking good around me. I can't last much longer.' His hand replaced Merlin's on his dick and it only took three strokes for Merlin to fuck up into his hand, feel his balls tighten up and shoot come all over both of their stomachs, white-hot and almost painful it felt so good.
‘You’re so hot, Merlin, you’re so hot,’ Arthur said, his voice low and hoarse, thrusting harder and faster, slamming into him so the bed rocked against the wall until with a groan he pushed all the way inside Merlin, ground his hips against him as he came and came. Merlin enjoyed the feel of his dick pulsing, the way he said every filthy thing under the sun, and the way his eyes stayed open, staring at Merlin.
Afterwards he pulled out gingerly, tied up the condom and lobbed it at the bin. ‘Yes,’ he punched the air when he hit the target.
Merlin rolled his eyes, ‘You’ll never change, will you?’
‘You wouldn’t want me to,’ Arthur said, climbing back into bed, curling around Merlin, arranging his long limbs to his satisfaction. ‘You’ve changed me enough,’ he said, his voice shy. ‘You’ve made me a better person, a more honest person.’ He kissed the back of Merlin’s neck, on the nape.
‘You’ve made me so happy,’ Merlin said, snuggling into him, drifting off to sleep.
The next thing Merlin remembered was waking up the next morning, cold and alone. ‘Fuck,’ he thought. ‘Not again,’ he punched the pillow.
Then the door went, Arthur’s head poked round it. He looked adorably bed-headed and was wearing Merlin’s old dressing-gown and carrying two mugs of tea.
‘Morning beautiful,’ he winked.
‘Morning,’ Merlin leaned in to kiss him. ‘I thought you’d run away again.’
Arthur scoffed at him, ‘As if.’
‘Promise?’ Merlin asked, intently.
‘I promise,’ Arthur said, his eyes soft. ‘I’ll never leave you again. I promise.’
And maybe it was the amazing sex they’d had, or the fact he was head over heels for him, or even that he’d just made the most phenomenal cup of tea he’d ever had but Merlin believed him. Kissed him. ‘Merlin and Arthur, together always, that’s how it was supposed to be in the legend. That’s what you told me when we first met.’
‘Yeah,’ Arthur agreed, kissing him back. 'No more secrets. Just us.'
And Merlin realised then, with his hands twined round Arthur's neck, that nothing else would ever feel as right as this. 'I love you,' he sighed.
'I love you too. Now hurry up and drink your tea, it'll get cold.'
'You romantic,' Merlin needled. But he smiled, picked it up, looked at Arthur: at his blond hair, his broad smile, his perfect teeth, how sweet he looked with his hair all messed up. Mine he thought. And his heart felt as if it would burst.
-- THE END