A Sliver of Hope
The game on the 31st is at 11:30. I might get to go to DMI!!!!!!!!! All I would need (and read "I would need" as "I am really really begging for please please please help me") would be a ride up to Duncanville and a ride back to Waco after DMI was over. I'd pay gas!
Ok, mandatory squeeing/begging is over with. Today was good. Actually, today was pretty amazing. Musicianship went well, Piano went as well as could be expected, Religion had neither a quiz nor were the reading questions due, I finished my maths homework and felt confident about it, got my piano lab over with, and got in a good hour and a half of practicing- my longest time at one go since I got sick. Then, I ate, chilled, talked to Em, and the (my guilty pleasure) the TW Babiez comic was finally updated. Then I get on to the Baylor football site, and see that the game on the 31st is a 11:30 am game.
Tomorrow will probably be bad, but hey. It's a Wednesday. Once it's over with, the rest of the week looks considerably better. Well....except for the major downer that is Saturday.
I'm feeling somewhat prepared for the test in Maths tomorrow. I'll probably go back over everything one more time tonight, but there's only so much you can study without your brain feeling like it's about to come out of your ears. I might or might not skip chapel- I probably shouldn't, seeing as I still have half a semester left, but I might, if I start feeling panicky about the test. I'd really like to keep my great average in there. It's currently one of the few classes that I have an "A" in.
Thursday should be fairly quiet- my regular classes, then studio. I've done my piano hour, so thankfully I don't need to worry about that. I'll probably head up there around 3 to get some practice in before studio starts, and then, depending on what I have due on Friday, I may practice some more.
I'm almost positive I'm not going to Freshman Mass Meeting. I'm just too wiped from everything else to even consider it. 11 pm is usually when I'm starting to try to go to bed, not just starting a meeting. So yeah. I'll....ask some one who went.
On a less hyperactive note, I tried to get some creative-type writing done today. I haven't written anything for a while, and it's time I started to try to, again. Unfortunately, I didn't get anything finished (actually I didn't get anything beyond three sentences), so no creative!writing tag on this post. I'm dealing with major writer's block right now, and it's incredibly frustrating. I want to write, I really do. And I'll have these inspirations in the middle of the night that if I think about them too hard, or try to turn on some light and find some paper, disappear like dreams do, and I find myself throwing words at a page like darts, hoping that something will land somewhere the dart board, and not across the room in the cute British boy's face. (There ya go, an extended darts metaphor.)
This is just....I don't know. I feel...empty. I'm, personally, so much more stable this year than I was last (as anyone who knew me in high school will tell you readily). But I feel like the inspiration's gone forever- like this new found sense of self was only purchased with my gift for words. Then, that leads to the sinking contemplation of the idea that perhaps this talent was something I only thought I had, something I made up that made me special in my head, and no one had the heart to tell me otherwise. That the things I wrote were only a shadow, a momentary anomaly, that with the passing of my strange humours and out of control tempers, has too passed, leaving me with only the stain of words on my heart, causing me to miss something that was never really mine. This gift was just that, a gift, one that was taken away when it appeared that I had no more use for it. But I want to write! I want to give shape to the feelings I still feel, and I want to feel! I'm tired of being numb! And while no one, including myself, wishes for the return of my depression sometimes, in the dark of the night, I think of how brilliant I was, how wonderful it was to have the words come falling from my fingertips with the slightest persuasion-giving shape to my fears and dreams, however foolish they may be.
I just don't know.
I need to finish my theory homework.
-k-
Ok, mandatory squeeing/begging is over with. Today was good. Actually, today was pretty amazing. Musicianship went well, Piano went as well as could be expected, Religion had neither a quiz nor were the reading questions due, I finished my maths homework and felt confident about it, got my piano lab over with, and got in a good hour and a half of practicing- my longest time at one go since I got sick. Then, I ate, chilled, talked to Em, and the (my guilty pleasure) the TW Babiez comic was finally updated. Then I get on to the Baylor football site, and see that the game on the 31st is a 11:30 am game.
Tomorrow will probably be bad, but hey. It's a Wednesday. Once it's over with, the rest of the week looks considerably better. Well....except for the major downer that is Saturday.
I'm feeling somewhat prepared for the test in Maths tomorrow. I'll probably go back over everything one more time tonight, but there's only so much you can study without your brain feeling like it's about to come out of your ears. I might or might not skip chapel- I probably shouldn't, seeing as I still have half a semester left, but I might, if I start feeling panicky about the test. I'd really like to keep my great average in there. It's currently one of the few classes that I have an "A" in.
Thursday should be fairly quiet- my regular classes, then studio. I've done my piano hour, so thankfully I don't need to worry about that. I'll probably head up there around 3 to get some practice in before studio starts, and then, depending on what I have due on Friday, I may practice some more.
I'm almost positive I'm not going to Freshman Mass Meeting. I'm just too wiped from everything else to even consider it. 11 pm is usually when I'm starting to try to go to bed, not just starting a meeting. So yeah. I'll....ask some one who went.
On a less hyperactive note, I tried to get some creative-type writing done today. I haven't written anything for a while, and it's time I started to try to, again. Unfortunately, I didn't get anything finished (actually I didn't get anything beyond three sentences), so no creative!writing tag on this post. I'm dealing with major writer's block right now, and it's incredibly frustrating. I want to write, I really do. And I'll have these inspirations in the middle of the night that if I think about them too hard, or try to turn on some light and find some paper, disappear like dreams do, and I find myself throwing words at a page like darts, hoping that something will land somewhere the dart board, and not across the room in the cute British boy's face. (There ya go, an extended darts metaphor.)
This is just....I don't know. I feel...empty. I'm, personally, so much more stable this year than I was last (as anyone who knew me in high school will tell you readily). But I feel like the inspiration's gone forever- like this new found sense of self was only purchased with my gift for words. Then, that leads to the sinking contemplation of the idea that perhaps this talent was something I only thought I had, something I made up that made me special in my head, and no one had the heart to tell me otherwise. That the things I wrote were only a shadow, a momentary anomaly, that with the passing of my strange humours and out of control tempers, has too passed, leaving me with only the stain of words on my heart, causing me to miss something that was never really mine. This gift was just that, a gift, one that was taken away when it appeared that I had no more use for it. But I want to write! I want to give shape to the feelings I still feel, and I want to feel! I'm tired of being numb! And while no one, including myself, wishes for the return of my depression sometimes, in the dark of the night, I think of how brilliant I was, how wonderful it was to have the words come falling from my fingertips with the slightest persuasion-giving shape to my fears and dreams, however foolish they may be.
I just don't know.
I need to finish my theory homework.
-k-