Monthly Marriage Fitness Center letter - December 2014
Monthly Marriage Fitness Center letter - December 2014
The Heart of Christ
There are several people in my normal circle of friends who seem to come AT me in discussions, and I then find myself
responding slowly or entirely missing the opportunity to thoughtfully respond from my heart. I need time to consider
and reflect on such things. Perhaps we all do in some way or at some times.
I invite you into a conversation I had recently with a friend, regarding each other's approach to the teaching we each
give to Marriage Preparation. At one point he asked if we teach the "DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE ", and there was a
very pregnant pause before I responded with my yes (albeit quietly).
Later that evening I pondered the force and terminology in his request, my hesitation and my quiet response. Thinking
back to the conversation, it appeared to me that he defined "DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE" as "the husband is to love his
wife as Christ loved, giving himself up for his wife and the wife is to SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND ", reflecting what seemed
to me at that moment to be an singular and legalistic emphasis on her obedience --- but not the husbands. I was also
stuck or struck by the absence of mentioning Eph 5:21 that calls both to submit to one another in the fear of Christ.
What comes home to me now is somewhat a parallel observation
where Jesus asks His disciples "could you not pray with me one
hour ?" When I read that passage in Matt 26:40, I hear it as a plea
from a humble, troubled, broken spirit, rather than as a bullet of
condemnation. After all, this was God - who gave up heaven to
come dwell as a man and by an act of obedient will was about
to suffer the worst possible treatment leading up to His crucifixion
on a crude cross. He was not judging their performance, but giving
a humble plea to their hearts - to stand with Him in His greatest hour
of need.
And as I pondered my conversation with my friend, I saw that his question could well be his empassioned plea for an
understanding that we do teach biblical marriage, not some watered down version that many teach. I was then convicted
that what sounded to me like a "bullet" he fired, may be all about me, not my friend, and in either case clearly did not
warrant a sharp reaction in response, and so I hesitated.
Pastor Jamie said recently to put a stake in the ground when it is clear that:
what we are dealing with is a big deal to God,
we've considered the ultimate cost and the personal cost,
we have listened to the direction and prayer that wise godly counselors give us on the matter
and lastly we've scrutinized our understanding and personal motivation in the matter.
When I look at that, I know the heart of my friend comes with long years studying God's Word, that obedience is a big
deal to God, that the ultimate cost of disobedience is exceedingly great, that my friend has a few godly teachers that do
put a stake in the ground for wives to submit, and that only he and God know his inner motive to emphasize only one
part of Eph 5 with me that evening. I also know that he often defers (submits) to his wife and lives out Eph 5:21-32.
We've known each other for more than 2 decades and I know him well, but only God truly knows his inner motives - and
it is not for me to mind-read or judge.
My friend and I agree on doctrinal things but often differ on how they are to be emphasized. I believe that's because my
heart is drawn to the Jesus I see who responds as He did when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in the act
of adultery and Jesus (God) sends her on her way at the end with "I do not condemn you, go and sin no more" rather than
"go and SIN NO MORE”. This too I see as an instructional plea to her soul not a bullet to the heart. The work of the
instruction may come immediately or may come over time as she ponders the miracle of having had a personal
interaction with God, but either way I think it is a healing balm.
Bottom line: For me, the gentleness of grace and a humbled spirit far surpass a bullet to the heart in power, but still, I
stand in awe of my friend and the lives that God has touched through him both through his words and actions which
reflect an active humble walk with God, even if his words sometime reflect to me a greater harshness. We are friends in
part because we do not judge each other's motives and we both are committed to live out the Gospel to the best of our
ability.
Thank you for sharing my journey. Let me close with one more reflection as we approach Christmas. This is a time of
year that for a variety of reasons often sees tension rise in marriage, making it a good and much needed time to suspend
judgment of our spouse and their motives (even or especially when they are clearly not the same as ours), and to reflect
on the humble life of Christ the man, who was and is God, yet left heaven for us.
Celebrate His birth, and allow it to bring rebirth in our walk with Him this Christmas season, perhaps God will use it over
the holiday season to learn that mind reading and judging our spouse need to be permanently suspended. As we do
that we'll find a more joyful Christmas season, and so will those around us.
