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[pianoplayer7]

Today has so far been crappy. I did not feel too good when I woke up this morning. I had a slight fever. I feel like shit. I did find it in me though to get out hoping that it will make me feel better and come to the library and see what everyone is up to. I have read the entries posted by everyone and all seems well and interesting. Things have been going on lately that are making me leary of some situations. It is hard to explain. Like, things happen that are crappy for a long time and the whole time it is going on you wish that it would change. But...you never really believe it will change because you don't believe in wishes. Then all of a sudden one day when you come upon the situation again you dread it because you know what is going to happen and what you believe isn't. Then, at that time that the situation comes up, something different happens that totally catches you off guard. Then you have to take quite a few steps back and go "what the hell is going on?". Afterwhich the situation proceeds to go on its new course without regard to your reactions. This happens as if it was the situation all along. But, you are still standing there stunned at the changes and trying to reason as to why and how this has happened. Especially after analyzing the situation and the people in it for so long and coming to the conclusion that it will never change. Then it makes you start to think if all along you have been wrong and have just convinced yourself that this is the situation and because you believe it so much, you don't notice the situation changing right before you. And while you are trying to figure it all out, it makes your mind go like the Ghz on a computer processor. Then, you finally realize that the situation has changed and why it has done so. But, there is still a small voice in the back of your mind that is telling you to be leary of the situation because it isn't what it seems to be. All seems good now. That is so they can get you on there side. Then it will all come back around and bite you in the ass as soon as you let your guard down.

So, that is what I have been thinking. The situation is my family. The biggest bunch of deceivers ever in the history of the world. For the most part, most of my family thrives on the possibility of manipulation and being able to hurt others. It makes them happy.

I'm sorry if I lost you with my babbling. That is how my thoughts work.