Close your eyes son, this won't hurt a bit
Huh. Long time no write. But here I am. I'm in London right now. Just for one night before I fly back home tomorrow. I've spent the last 3 days in Paris, and the 4 days before that here in London and every minute was amazing for me. Every single minute.
Alot has happened since I wrote last. I closed on an amazing condo in midtown Atlanta, moved in, and settled. The details of the moving process were horrendous and I don't want to go into them, because the point is I'm there and I own my first home, and I'm happy with it. I turned 23, I finished recording an EP, to be released independantly this fall, and I took a trip across the ocean. Now I'm here, preparing to go home after seeing my ex, whom i havn't seen in nearly 2 years, and the minute he left, I was in fucking pieces on the bed of my hotel room. I don't understand why Taylor still has that effect on me. Why, after 2 years, I'm still drawn to him and I'm absolutely torn apart that we're not together. After I avoided him on his last visit home, and then learning he was married, I still decided to contact him and let him know I was on his side of the ocean this week. Yet we were only able to meet in passing between the two cities. Me coming back to London, and him on his way back to Paris after being in Amsterdam all week. I tried to prepare myself for what emotional damage might come, but it didn't do any good. I hung on every word he said during dinner and watched his every move and I felt right. I felt complete. When the time came for him to leave, I was fighting myself for composure. I wanted him to see me happy and successful, and I hope he did, because the moment the door closed behind him, I fell apart. I don't know if I'll ever completely get over him. Some say you never do get over your first love. I know the last time he left, I died for a brief period. Maybe it's a step ahead that I feel like I'll be ok after this one evening. He doesn't seem to have changed much, and I feel i've changed a lot. For the Better. But I still miss him, and I probably will for a long time.
That said, maybe this was closure, and then again, maybe this was just another chapter in the book. I don't know. I think that's what I've enjoyed the most about my life recently. I don't know what's happening and I don't really have control, but it's happening and I'm living. Life. Isn't that our reason for being here?
Alot has happened since I wrote last. I closed on an amazing condo in midtown Atlanta, moved in, and settled. The details of the moving process were horrendous and I don't want to go into them, because the point is I'm there and I own my first home, and I'm happy with it. I turned 23, I finished recording an EP, to be released independantly this fall, and I took a trip across the ocean. Now I'm here, preparing to go home after seeing my ex, whom i havn't seen in nearly 2 years, and the minute he left, I was in fucking pieces on the bed of my hotel room. I don't understand why Taylor still has that effect on me. Why, after 2 years, I'm still drawn to him and I'm absolutely torn apart that we're not together. After I avoided him on his last visit home, and then learning he was married, I still decided to contact him and let him know I was on his side of the ocean this week. Yet we were only able to meet in passing between the two cities. Me coming back to London, and him on his way back to Paris after being in Amsterdam all week. I tried to prepare myself for what emotional damage might come, but it didn't do any good. I hung on every word he said during dinner and watched his every move and I felt right. I felt complete. When the time came for him to leave, I was fighting myself for composure. I wanted him to see me happy and successful, and I hope he did, because the moment the door closed behind him, I fell apart. I don't know if I'll ever completely get over him. Some say you never do get over your first love. I know the last time he left, I died for a brief period. Maybe it's a step ahead that I feel like I'll be ok after this one evening. He doesn't seem to have changed much, and I feel i've changed a lot. For the Better. But I still miss him, and I probably will for a long time.
That said, maybe this was closure, and then again, maybe this was just another chapter in the book. I don't know. I think that's what I've enjoyed the most about my life recently. I don't know what's happening and I don't really have control, but it's happening and I'm living. Life. Isn't that our reason for being here?