Jesus, where were you last night?
So after my freaking out last week, I think I have a contract on a condo....
It's a little more than I wanted to spend, but I'm getting all the stipulations I wanted and I've been approved for this amount. I've signed the appropriate papers and now I'm just waiting on directions on what to do next.
Still, I feel empty. Lost. Alone. I thought this would all help, but maybe since it hasn't really hit me, I'm still feeling the same things I was fighting last week. Then again, maybe it's something completely different. Buying a home is only the tip of this iceberg. Maybe it's me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for something and at the same time, trying to lose it in a search for thousands of other things. I don't know what I'm saying. The point is that I'm chasing my tail around a million bushes and I don't know which one to call home. I want someone to direct me and tell me I'm doing the right thing, but I feel like I'm leading myself blindly in a search for happiness and i'm fucking scared as hell.
It's a little more than I wanted to spend, but I'm getting all the stipulations I wanted and I've been approved for this amount. I've signed the appropriate papers and now I'm just waiting on directions on what to do next.
Still, I feel empty. Lost. Alone. I thought this would all help, but maybe since it hasn't really hit me, I'm still feeling the same things I was fighting last week. Then again, maybe it's something completely different. Buying a home is only the tip of this iceberg. Maybe it's me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for something and at the same time, trying to lose it in a search for thousands of other things. I don't know what I'm saying. The point is that I'm chasing my tail around a million bushes and I don't know which one to call home. I want someone to direct me and tell me I'm doing the right thing, but I feel like I'm leading myself blindly in a search for happiness and i'm fucking scared as hell.