Anyway.. first, it sounds to me like you had some inkling of some of his habits before marriage. So knowing that he was on his best behavior while courting you and now demonstrating his true self shouldn't come as a complete surprise.
second, I think you're learning why all those years in primary/YW you were taught not to date non-members. I know that sounds more frank than I mean it, but I'll explain.
If you married your husband because you truly love him - then you may need to overlook some of these bad habits. However, not embrace or even tolerate them. I'll explain that too.
The dream of pretty much every YW I've met is to marry in the temple. However, sometimes they fall in love with someone that's not a member. It happens. What they do about it is the important part. You can't sacrifice your beliefs for his. He knew where you stood on these issues when you married and if he respects/loves you he'll honor your wishes.
The best thing is to teach him why you believe what you do. Teach him the Word of Wisdom, explain how it came to be, and the reason you live it. Tell him that it's important to you, but that if he wishes to smoke that's up to him but that you won't support the habit. (meaning, the gift was a bad idea IMHO because you sanctioned/rewarded the bad behavior) If he knows it makes you unhappy, and you don't encourage it, and he knows why you believe it, he'll either respect you enough to quit, or he'll not expect you to support the habit.
same with tattoos, alcohol, pornography, or any of those things he might decide to get into now that you're married and he doesn't have to put on a facade. (we all do it to a certain extent before marriage.) Some of those principles you're going to have to teach more forcefully than others. For instance pornography could destroy your marriage and shouldn't be tolerated, but he's facing these discussions from a completely different frame of reference than you are. so you must teach him.
It's like JS said, "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves". He needs to understand why you believe what you do, and be given a choice to follow it. But you can't support or encourage the bad habits.
As for dating/marrying non-members..
there are so many challenges in marriage. Combining a man and a woman into one heart is hard enough without having spiritual differences at the outset. our faith is our foundation of who we are. If the foundations are built on different sides of a canyon, bridging that gap can be tough and sometimes the wind makes the bridge swing uncontrollably.
You can make it work - and you should. There's always hope, but you need to decide today to be a strong and stalwart example. Come what may. Your children, your prosperity, and your salvation depend on it. If you are faithful, loving, and not pushy. He'll respect you for staying true to the things you told him you believed. (No matter how hard it is) but if you cave, and succumb because it's too hard.. then you stand to sacrifice many of the blessings the Lord has reserved for you. (read your patriarchal blessing frequently)
-Read scriptures daily -pray daily -ask him to pray with you daily -hold FHE, even if alone -attend church and other meetings faithfully -magnify your callings -prepare to attend the temple
you may be doing a lot of this on your own, but your current marriage is not an eternal one. which is more important, that marriage, or your salvation? strengthen yourself first, then teach and strengthen him.
Anyway.. first, it sounds to me like you had some inkling of some of his habits before marriage. So knowing that he was on his best behavior while courting you and now demonstrating his true self shouldn't come as a complete surprise.
second, I think you're learning why all those years in primary/YW you were taught not to date non-members. I know that sounds more frank than I mean it, but I'll explain.
If you married your husband because you truly love him - then you may need to overlook some of these bad habits. However, not embrace or even tolerate them. I'll explain that too.
The dream of pretty much every YW I've met is to marry in the temple. However, sometimes they fall in love with someone that's not a member. It happens. What they do about it is the important part. You can't sacrifice your beliefs for his. He knew where you stood on these issues when you married and if he respects/loves you he'll honor your wishes.
The best thing is to teach him why you believe what you do. Teach him the Word of Wisdom, explain how it came to be, and the reason you live it. Tell him that it's important to you, but that if he wishes to smoke that's up to him but that you won't support the habit. (meaning, the gift was a bad idea IMHO because you sanctioned/rewarded the bad behavior) If he knows it makes you unhappy, and you don't encourage it, and he knows why you believe it, he'll either respect you enough to quit, or he'll not expect you to support the habit.
same with tattoos, alcohol, pornography, or any of those things he might decide to get into now that you're married and he doesn't have to put on a facade. (we all do it to a certain extent before marriage.) Some of those principles you're going to have to teach more forcefully than others. For instance pornography could destroy your marriage and shouldn't be tolerated, but he's facing these discussions from a completely different frame of reference than you are. so you must teach him.
It's like JS said, "I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves". He needs to understand why you believe what you do, and be given a choice to follow it. But you can't support or encourage the bad habits.
As for dating/marrying non-members..
there are so many challenges in marriage. Combining a man and a woman into one heart is hard enough without having spiritual differences at the outset. our faith is our foundation of who we are. If the foundations are built on different sides of a canyon, bridging that gap can be tough and sometimes the wind makes the bridge swing uncontrollably.
You can make it work - and you should. There's always hope, but you need to decide today to be a strong and stalwart example. Come what may. Your children, your prosperity, and your salvation depend on it. If you are faithful, loving, and not pushy. He'll respect you for staying true to the things you told him you believed. (No matter how hard it is) but if you cave, and succumb because it's too hard.. then you stand to sacrifice many of the blessings the Lord has reserved for you. (read your patriarchal blessing frequently)
-Read scriptures daily
-pray daily
-ask him to pray with you daily
-hold FHE, even if alone
-attend church and other meetings faithfully
-magnify your callings
-prepare to attend the temple
you may be doing a lot of this on your own, but your current marriage is not an eternal one. which is more important, that marriage, or your salvation? strengthen yourself first, then teach and strengthen him.
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