Tons of Stuff
Once again, I am left with no choice but to combine a whole bunch of stuff into one post. Because I seem to be too lazy to write up stuff as it happens these days.
So firstly, the fanfic comp is now over and finished rather smoothly. In the end we only had three ties, and none were for first place. Not bad at all. Everyone also seemed really pleased with how quickly the results were posted, so yay there as well. I was also pretty pleased with the results- a lot of my favorites won without me even having to vote for them. ^_^
Putting the hosting duties to the side, I myself was also on the ballot and was surprised to find myself watching the votes come in for me. 'Twas for the same story in two different categories- I got second place for Best Short Work and first for Best Villain.
That's... surprisingly good. The stories I was up against in both categories were like, really, really good. I went and reread mine to compare. I honestly can't see how they placed as high as they did. I mean, I don't think I sucked, but in comparison I find several fics to have been more deserving.
Seesaw was written on the spur of the moment, in the attempt to just write something and have it up in time for a goodfic flood. I like it, but I don't think it's anything special.
Not that I'm ungrateful! Because it's seriously nice to see people thought highly enough of it to vote for it. It just baffles me, I guess.
Nevertheless, yay! I wrote barely nothing and I still get recognized. I has not been forgotten. :3
Next matter of business- I watched Bolt online a couple of hours ago. OMG- I liked that movie a lot more than I thought I would. It had it's moments of total cuteness, but it also had some really developed characters. I loved all three of the animals (Bolt is the dog, obviously, and then there's Mittens the cat and Rhino the hamster). They just had so much personality. Oh, and the pigeons. Freaking hilarious. The Nemo jab was awesome. XD Really- it was totally great to watch. I may even buy it.
And because I can't talk about movies without at least one quote...
Bolt: There's a guard.
Rhino: I'll snap his neck.
And finally for something a little more serious.
So my life these days is basically one part sleep, one part work, and one part surf-the-net-and-hope-someone-will-come-online-to-talk-to-you.
Translation? The people I work with are generally my social life.
There's some I can't stand (so maybe that's just Kathy) and some that are just generally nice to talk to. A few I learn things from and others I'm still warming up to. I can laugh with most of them, and have enough seniority there now to feel comfortable acting as myself.
Since I was very young, I haven't had many friends. In childhood, three stand out- Ryan, Mira, and Mike.
Ryan was my first crush. At one point we thought we'd get married... even if we were only six at the time. His mother was the other guilty party in the affair that broke my parents up, but despite this our fathers were good friends while we grew up. I never wanted to leave his house when I went over. He did though. When we were twelve, he moved in with his mom and I barely saw him besides episodes of the punk he'd become.
I saw his picture in the newspaper last week. He held up a pharmacy at gunpoint to get some heavy duty painkillers and will be going to prison.
When we were four, Mira bit Ryan on the shoulder. I never forgot that and refused to talk to her or play with her when I came up to visit. Unfortunately, I wasn't given much choice in that matter and at eight, we begrudgingly became friends again. Mira was always more grounded in reality than I was at the time, and she knew how to use that to her advantage. I was gullible, and she never hesitated to trick me into doing something with her that we'd get in trouble for later. She was obsessed with beauty to the point she thought both of us should do as the anorexics. When I disagreed, most of our time together from that point on involved her pointing out every part of my body that was 'disgusting' and why no one liked me. After the other things that happened in my life round about that time, I attribute my lack of trust in people to her, among other things.
Mira works at the same store as I do as a cashier. She is undeniably gorgeous, yet is dating a guy who looks like he's in his late thirties. We don't talk about when we were kids.
Mike and his older brother didn't like me at first. Ages four and five, to them I was a girl with cooties. Neither would play with me, even though their mother was my babysitter and told them to do so. It wasn't until the day I got mad at them to the point that I pushed Mike off the tire swing when he wouldn't share that they accepted me. His older brother was in school a year before us, so we were more of a duo than a trio. We played together and got sick together, and all of the stuff that comes from being best friends. By this point I was getting to spend more time with him than Ryan, so he became my second crush. Ryan and I may have thought we'd be married, but to this day Mike is the only boy who's ever said he loved me.
After my family moved to another town, we still looked forward to seeing one another every chance we had at the religious assemblies we attended, and would spend all of the breaks playing with one another, though we did so less and less as we got older. Last year at my graduation party, he and his brother were the only ones my age who showed up. Mike even stayed around to watch me open presents, and gave me a hug before he left.
Naturally, the one old friend I still have fond memories of has moved to Wyoming.
I have made one other friend since then. Ashley and I don't get to see each other often. Even though I moved up here, she's always been busy with other people, and with the ministry work. She is the most spiritually zealous person I know, and as awesome as that is, sometimes it leaves me clueless. She had such a firm belief in the things our religion teaches, and applies all of the principles on a day to day basis. She's been in the Dominican Republic for months now preaching, and I can barely get something I've rehearsed without trembling to a neighbor. Thus while we are friends, sometimes it doesn't feel like it. It is, just in a long-distance kind of way at times.
After that, I've obviously had a lot of online friends, and a few school friends. Talking about each individually would leave me here forever, and most of the things I associate with friendship these days deals with how I interact with them.
I think this is why I'm so confused right now.
Somehow, at whatever point I'm unsure of, I think Billy and I became friends. Why him, the piggish asshole that he can be, I don't know. I just think it happened. I never really even thought about it until the things he said to me regarding friendship on my birthday, and it kind of hit me hard. Like a 'Wait, are we friends? When did that happen? Does it just go without declaration or what?'
Must be it. Of everyone I work with, I look forward to seeing him more than the others- even when he is being an asshole. It's gotten to the point where I can tell what's up just from his body language, and unfortunately he too seems to be able to read me like a book. This can be a good thing when we're in good mood's. We'll make fun of each other like there's no tomorrow or something like that.
When we're upset though, or if something's wrong... we hate it when people ask questions. Once is enough. If either of us want to talk, we'll do it on our own.
Bilyy gets more upset about things than I do, so naturally he talks more. There's been a lot of crap going on lately.
When they were still going out, he got his ex pregnant. She and her young son moved to Missouri and were supposed to come back in early March to get married.
It was during this time that she went to the doctor and they found a tumor in her uterus. Upon learning this, she decided that not only did she no longer want to get married, but she didn't want to keep the baby either.
Billy has been pissed about this for over a month. Nevertheless, she decided to keep the baby and upon it's birth to give it over to his care.
Six weeks ago, they found out it was a girl. Ever since he found out he's been talking about cute outfits that he's bought and how he'll have to work on not swearing, lest the baby's first words be 'shit-snap'. Oh yes, this has given me ample opportunity to make fun of him.
Two weeks ago, the doctors conducted a biopsy on her tumor and it's cancerous. To operate, they want her to abort the baby and she's in agreement. Needless to say, Billy is not happy. And I have no idea what to do.
When he first told me, I didn't know what to do. What do friends do? I wanted to hug him, but this is a situation much different from any I've encountered in online friendships. It's one thing to (hug) and another to actually do the act. In the end, I just listened, and said some things in agreement with him. And then I prayed.
This is what has finally made me think he's actually my friend, in some strange fashion. Besides some family and a few of my closer online friends, I have never for anyone. Usually I don't care much about people- not enough to pray for them, anyways. But I did when he told me that, because I know just how badly he's wanted this baby.
I prayed and I promised I'd attempt to witness to him about my religion if he could. Unfortunately later that night my mind drew up blanks on what I could talk to him about, which only led to me telling myself how he probably wouldn't listen to me anyways.
...His ex was supposed to get the abortion today, but something came up and so now it's been postponed. Talking about similar cases I've read about (all in publications published by my religion) led to me acquiring his email address.
I always feel weird talking about this stuff on here, but it's like another one of those things where I feel like God is looking at me and going 'Ready to hold up your part of the deal?'
And it feels just like the hug situation, because I have no idea how to go about this now. I feel like this stuff should come naturally to me, but it just doesn't seem to. Everything really- witnessing and being a friend. I hate winging it.
Long rambling entry once again. Probably made no sense, but at least it's an entry.