(no subject)
Yesterday I forced myself to stay home. It’s been a while since I spent an evening alone, and it was nice. I’m still adjusting to my new place and in the back of my head I think it’s because I feel claustrophobic there. It’s been a while since I’ve had to live out of a room so my first instinct is to get out of there. I’m finding it very convenient to just say “yes” to anyone wanting to make plans- but I know I need to spend more time at home. There’s a lot of projects that need to be done (hell, I still need to repaint my closet and touch up my walls- and that’s just my project…lol) and I’m starting to feel guilt for not spending more time working on them. It kinda reminds me of my old Kaiser days where you can have a career just going to meetings (and not have any time to work on the action items). Meetings are good though… communication and feed back are awesome, but not if you don’t get a chance to work on the action items…lol.
I have a lot to ponder. I’ve recently played with the idea to stay celibate for the rest of the year (and I really don't know how well that will work out... lol). I know it doesn’t seem like a long time to some, but I need to work out some issues I have with sex. Some of these issues have surfaced during my recent rebound and I have found a whole well of fear I need to address.
I’ve started thinking about some of the issues I still need to work out as discussed with my old therapist from Kaiser. Boundaries. I have a hard time drawing and honoring them, but I feel like I’m ready to work on it.
Another reason for the celibacy is to ponder my role in the BDSM world. I feel something starting to surface and I would like to explore it more… but first, I need to so some soul searching.
I feel that I am about to awaken a part of me that I’ve suppressed for so long… and the Universe is telling me the time is drawing near.