(no subject)
Wow, I feel like my last post pretty much says it all.
I still feel pretty weak and pathetic as a person.
I'm good at art supposedly, and now I have an easel and palette so I don't really have an excuse EXCEPT - I'm not inspired to draw/paint anything. What good is this 'talent' if I can't use it?
Still questioning this Hospitality Major.
Still wanting to Quit that stupid job. (I have no fall back yet)
Kinda wondering what Dan's keeping me around for. Do we really have much in common? Maybe just enough to get by. I really hope he's not settling for me. I'm selfish that I want to be around him as much as possible, but otherwise I would do anything for him, buy little snacks for him, etc. But I'm getting really emotional when I shouldn't be. I have issues saying 'bye' at night, and when he wants to have a night alone or 'with the guys'. He's meeting with his 'band' tonight, which I was upset about because of how he presented the situation to me, but I guess I am happy that he's finally getting together with all 4 guys and taking a step closer to making music the way he wants. Crazy how sometimes I think I could see myself marrying this guy and sometimes I'm throwing my phone into the couch with an 'i hate you' because sometime I think he just doesn't read me right. I guess I'm even worse at reading him though. Sometimes I think he's self-centered but not with an ego, as in whatever he's doing is more important. Usually it's true, he has all his car issues,etc.
Ugh, I want to exchange/upgrade myself, please. I'd like a smarter, more confident, better dressed me. Kthnx I was really beating myself up today, breaking myself down and just not liking me. And it's just so hard to cheer up when you don't know what makes you happy, and you're upset with the boy who makes you feel better. So when I went to Publix I ended up buying junk food. Ugh. Not eating + being bummed = junk food.
The only good part about today was sitting out by the pool for an hour. :-\
I still feel pretty weak and pathetic as a person.
I'm good at art supposedly, and now I have an easel and palette so I don't really have an excuse EXCEPT - I'm not inspired to draw/paint anything. What good is this 'talent' if I can't use it?
Still questioning this Hospitality Major.
Still wanting to Quit that stupid job. (I have no fall back yet)
Kinda wondering what Dan's keeping me around for. Do we really have much in common? Maybe just enough to get by. I really hope he's not settling for me. I'm selfish that I want to be around him as much as possible, but otherwise I would do anything for him, buy little snacks for him, etc. But I'm getting really emotional when I shouldn't be. I have issues saying 'bye' at night, and when he wants to have a night alone or 'with the guys'. He's meeting with his 'band' tonight, which I was upset about because of how he presented the situation to me, but I guess I am happy that he's finally getting together with all 4 guys and taking a step closer to making music the way he wants. Crazy how sometimes I think I could see myself marrying this guy and sometimes I'm throwing my phone into the couch with an 'i hate you' because sometime I think he just doesn't read me right. I guess I'm even worse at reading him though. Sometimes I think he's self-centered but not with an ego, as in whatever he's doing is more important. Usually it's true, he has all his car issues,etc.
Ugh, I want to exchange/upgrade myself, please. I'd like a smarter, more confident, better dressed me. Kthnx I was really beating myself up today, breaking myself down and just not liking me. And it's just so hard to cheer up when you don't know what makes you happy, and you're upset with the boy who makes you feel better. So when I went to Publix I ended up buying junk food. Ugh. Not eating + being bummed = junk food.
The only good part about today was sitting out by the pool for an hour. :-\