Your crazy is showing.....oh wait, that's mine.
So, a lot is going on lately. Most of it is in my head. My parents got my letter after my sister commandeered it, and told me that I shouldn't come out the way that I think is best, because, you know, she's just so good at coming out and all. She is straight, and she can actually sit down and talk to my parents without freaking out. I cannot. I have a hard time sitting in the car with them making small talk for a 45 minute drive from Kent to Euclid. So, I wrote a letter, and she emails me telling me that it's the wrong way to come out. Piss off, that's what I felt like. But she gave them the letter after I asked her to (it's more like told her to and then said I'd tell our parents that she had it if she didn't) but still. So, my mom emailed me and told me that they got the letter, and that she was at work, so she couldn't really respond, but she wanted me to know. She also said that "We'll talk soon" so I'm hoping that is supposed to be in a not horrible way. I'm sure it'll be fine, but I still can't help but still be prepared for the worst. But that's not really the crazy part.
Lately, I've been feeling more and more terrified that I have something wrong with me mentally. I mean, nothing too bad, but sometimes it scares me. I get scared because I've never told anyone about it. I mean, I touch on it when I describe what the normal goings on in my brain are, but I never actually let on what it's really like. I am scared not because I think it's a problem, but I get scared because I think that it would hinder my transition. But I think that I am just freaking out because so much is happening so fast, that I don't know how to keep up. I like my life moving at a steady pace, but I don't make progress, at least I don't make progress people can see. So, I am freaked out. But it's not bad, just scary. I wish I could find that balance between progressing really quickly and the slow and steady pace that I enjoy and cherish. I think I need to read more. I have a book I have to read for my first exam in US Formative History, it's only 200 pages, so I'll be fine, but there are so many books that I want to read or am in the process of reading. I'm freaking out about getting a job, and having somewhere to stay over the summer, and I just need to sit down and be able to think. I've been having some crazy dreams, and I know a lot of it is because I'm so stressed for no reason other than life.
Oh! this saturday is Kat's birthday!! wooohooo! It will be wonderful.
Lately, I've been feeling more and more terrified that I have something wrong with me mentally. I mean, nothing too bad, but sometimes it scares me. I get scared because I've never told anyone about it. I mean, I touch on it when I describe what the normal goings on in my brain are, but I never actually let on what it's really like. I am scared not because I think it's a problem, but I get scared because I think that it would hinder my transition. But I think that I am just freaking out because so much is happening so fast, that I don't know how to keep up. I like my life moving at a steady pace, but I don't make progress, at least I don't make progress people can see. So, I am freaked out. But it's not bad, just scary. I wish I could find that balance between progressing really quickly and the slow and steady pace that I enjoy and cherish. I think I need to read more. I have a book I have to read for my first exam in US Formative History, it's only 200 pages, so I'll be fine, but there are so many books that I want to read or am in the process of reading. I'm freaking out about getting a job, and having somewhere to stay over the summer, and I just need to sit down and be able to think. I've been having some crazy dreams, and I know a lot of it is because I'm so stressed for no reason other than life.
Oh! this saturday is Kat's birthday!! wooohooo! It will be wonderful.