having a hard time
now is not a great time for me to be dealing with a break up. i know we both came to terms w/ the fact that we're just not great for each other, but that doesn't make it any less sad that something that, for a bit there, did make me happy is now over. i don't have anyone to cuddle w/ anymore. i'm alone...again. as i have been for most of my life. you'd think i'd be used to it at this point. but i'm ready to make that commitment. i'm so over searching. granted i haven't done a lot of searching, but i'm really not a patient person. one thing i did, which i think is actually a good step, is i got rid of my online dating profiles. last night i felt like they made me feel kind of desperate. plus w/ the way my schedule is right now, i really shouldn't be seeing anyone. especially since i'm looking to see if there isn't a way i can go to school to be an esthetician. add a relationship on top of that and i may well end up hitting someone. plus i just don't know where to look anymore. i've sworn off meeting guys at paul's. that day when i walked in, ready to flirt w/ bob, and saw brian and brandon talking to each other. yeah, kinda made me feel like a whore.
but, yeah, basically, i'm sad, i'm tired, i'm overworked and it's making me even crankier and shorter than i was. i just need a week off. get some quality moping time in, then get back to it. sadly, i can't really afford that, and i always feel so guilty about taking sick days that i only do so when necessary. brandon practically had to force me to call in for the following day when i was at his place and ended up collapsing during a fight we were having. i probably could've gone anyway, but the fact that he had to help me to the bathroom an hour later kinda helped his cause. my only outlet is retail therapy, and i'm really trying to let that not get out of hand. i had one big splurge and i'm trying to get a good price on the first season of queer as folk on dvd on ebay. i somehow bid on two of those. if i win them both, anyone want the second one? i'll sell it to you for exactly what i end up spending, so it should be around 20 or so. anyway, i'm on a tangent. i'm working 12 hours today, unless we end up not having any massages later on, which would be nice just cause i really am worried about snapping. oh well.
but, yeah, basically, i'm sad, i'm tired, i'm overworked and it's making me even crankier and shorter than i was. i just need a week off. get some quality moping time in, then get back to it. sadly, i can't really afford that, and i always feel so guilty about taking sick days that i only do so when necessary. brandon practically had to force me to call in for the following day when i was at his place and ended up collapsing during a fight we were having. i probably could've gone anyway, but the fact that he had to help me to the bathroom an hour later kinda helped his cause. my only outlet is retail therapy, and i'm really trying to let that not get out of hand. i had one big splurge and i'm trying to get a good price on the first season of queer as folk on dvd on ebay. i somehow bid on two of those. if i win them both, anyone want the second one? i'll sell it to you for exactly what i end up spending, so it should be around 20 or so. anyway, i'm on a tangent. i'm working 12 hours today, unless we end up not having any massages later on, which would be nice just cause i really am worried about snapping. oh well.