(no subject)
here's what it comes down to. I am a california girl. I know that now, I accept that now, I embrace that now. when i was just missing my family and friends, that was one thing. that was expected and, unless i talked to my nephew, i could handle it. but then i started to miss california things. the beach, disneyland, my bar, and my thinking started to change. but i still wasn't sure what i should/wanted to do. i was talking to a friend about it and he offered to take me to a spot out here that he found where it's just like an oasis. so we took my poor car offroading which had me struggling to breathe normally and went out there. he told me to park at a spot that looked like the desert we'd just driven through, i didn't see any sign of what he'd told me about. then we got out of the car. i could hear the water rushing and then i got hit w/ the energy. the water energy that has always been so present in my life, except for the past few weeks. it was palpable and the relief just washed over me as i felt it. he left me in one spot so i could think. it was a gorgeous spot, w/ a river running through the middle and trees and rocks all around surrounded by cliffs. i sat on a ledge, closed my eyes, and let my thoughts wander. i had my answer within 30 seconds. i need to go home. i enjoyed the water energy for a bit longer and then we drove back home. i told the boys when i got back to my place and they were very understanding. i'd probably move back this weekend, but unfortunately i've got friends coming out here for halloween and they already booked their hotel room. oh well. it'll probably make it less horrific when i have to quit my job out here. plus it'll give me a chance to make some money so i won't be so ridiculously behind on my bills. colleen is loaning me money so i can pay the boys back, mostly, for rent and a side table i asked for. i just need to get caught up on bills and i'll be cool. she also offered me fridays at her office, the one i was working at when i left, so that'll be pretty awesome. i'll stick to massage one day a week for now and then either get a waitressing job or a job at tmobile w/ the help of a friend out here. at tmobile i can get benefits as well as a lot of help paying for tuition, so i can start trying to get a real job. i was thinking maybe as a teacher, or maybe a guidance counselor. basically, i'm so so happy about this decision and i can't wait to get back.