A collection of fuzzy and incomplete thoughts.
Today I wrote a letter to my mommy. She's going on some Kairos-type retreat put on by St. Dominic and so I was asked to write her a Kairos-esque letter. It made me realize how much I've grown up in the past few years. I tried to summarize the main idea about three times here in the journal but I think I said it best in the original, so here's an edited excerpt:
"For as long as it’s been around, English still doesn’t have a word that describes how a son feels about his mom when he starts to realize how huge an impact she’s had on his life.
I don’t really remember when it was that you went from my mom to my mom in my head, but I now have what I think people would call a more “grown up” vision of you. I realize what’s been going on for the past twenty years. It hasn’t just been you driving me around the paper route every Wednesday because you were the one that could drive or buying me toys and candy because you were the one with money. There’s not some contract you signed when I was born that said you had to do all of these things because you were now a mother. You chose to do love me, and care about my life, and of course buy me stuff.
Like I said, I don’t even know when I started seeing it all this way in my head. I wake up now and it’s all just a given. Thinking of taking you for granted the way I did when I was younger is just plain weird to me. I guess the more you grow up, the easier it becomes to treat your parents like human beings rather than like big-people-overseers."
Understanding seems to be symptomatic of growing up. So many things make so much more sense when you finally start acting like an adult. I am not grown up by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I am on my way. I want to write "I don't know when I realized this" but I do know. It's weird, but when I started being able to converse with grown ups like they were of equal intelligence and importance to me I knew I wasn't a kid anymore. And I'm not talking about family or teachers or coworkers either. I'm talking about the guy at the gas pump next to mine who jokes about the cost of gas with me or the lady behind the counter at the bank who asks me how my day has been, genuinely wanting to know and without a hint of "just being polite"ness.
This brings me to another subject. I think perhaps my favorite part of everyday life is talking to people I don't know. I love sharing a couple of words with people I'll never see again. There's a level of honesty and genuine friendliness that everyone is capable of sharing with each other that makes me feel really good about people in general. Realizing that the chick in the car next to you at that red light has feelings and beliefs and is more than a pretty face can be harrowing the first time. Everyone really is equal to everyone else in terms of the value of life. Don't act like you're above someone whose name you don't know. When you talk to someone as a human being and not as the clerk selling you a Coke and some chips at Speedway, it's amazing how much more enjoyable forking over $4 for some sugar and salt can be.
I'll end this with what I consider to be the most emo concept I've ever had. It also happens to be my favorite: "Today is the worst day of someone’s life. Today is the best day of someone’s life." Does that make anyone else feel as good as it makes me?
"For as long as it’s been around, English still doesn’t have a word that describes how a son feels about his mom when he starts to realize how huge an impact she’s had on his life.
I don’t really remember when it was that you went from my mom to my mom in my head, but I now have what I think people would call a more “grown up” vision of you. I realize what’s been going on for the past twenty years. It hasn’t just been you driving me around the paper route every Wednesday because you were the one that could drive or buying me toys and candy because you were the one with money. There’s not some contract you signed when I was born that said you had to do all of these things because you were now a mother. You chose to do love me, and care about my life, and of course buy me stuff.
Like I said, I don’t even know when I started seeing it all this way in my head. I wake up now and it’s all just a given. Thinking of taking you for granted the way I did when I was younger is just plain weird to me. I guess the more you grow up, the easier it becomes to treat your parents like human beings rather than like big-people-overseers."
Understanding seems to be symptomatic of growing up. So many things make so much more sense when you finally start acting like an adult. I am not grown up by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I am on my way. I want to write "I don't know when I realized this" but I do know. It's weird, but when I started being able to converse with grown ups like they were of equal intelligence and importance to me I knew I wasn't a kid anymore. And I'm not talking about family or teachers or coworkers either. I'm talking about the guy at the gas pump next to mine who jokes about the cost of gas with me or the lady behind the counter at the bank who asks me how my day has been, genuinely wanting to know and without a hint of "just being polite"ness.
This brings me to another subject. I think perhaps my favorite part of everyday life is talking to people I don't know. I love sharing a couple of words with people I'll never see again. There's a level of honesty and genuine friendliness that everyone is capable of sharing with each other that makes me feel really good about people in general. Realizing that the chick in the car next to you at that red light has feelings and beliefs and is more than a pretty face can be harrowing the first time. Everyone really is equal to everyone else in terms of the value of life. Don't act like you're above someone whose name you don't know. When you talk to someone as a human being and not as the clerk selling you a Coke and some chips at Speedway, it's amazing how much more enjoyable forking over $4 for some sugar and salt can be.
I'll end this with what I consider to be the most emo concept I've ever had. It also happens to be my favorite: "Today is the worst day of someone’s life. Today is the best day of someone’s life." Does that make anyone else feel as good as it makes me?