Cue the Angst
I can't stand this summer. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions that are unpleasant, nonsensical, and unstable. I have been happy but it never lasts, and then I spiral down into this depression that fades away a little bit, so I never write about it. I can't stand this anymore. Excepting atashinotenshi, I can't stand my friends and it's pathetic that my closest friends are on the computer.
I can't stand the fact that I don't even remember how to act around people, and once school starts I will be clueless, because I know that no one likes me, or at least who they think I am. But who they think I am is not who I am, but I don't know which side of me to set forth, which is stupid because I've known these people for eight years.
I can't stand the fact that I know everyone, everywhere. Suddenly I am itching to move to Florida.
And honestly, I am so jealous of so many of my friends right now that it's insane.
This summer has been most unpleasant, and I fear more of the same for this school year. Will tortures never cease. And Naki excepting, I have no friends to rescue me. Randy is more like a random guy I see every six months whom enjoys cuddling. And most of the people here, while I like them and they are personable, they are not friendly. I have no emotional attachments here, and one of the reasons I am saddest about leaving is knowing that after nine years, I am leaving precious little behind.
Fuck it. I've done nothing worthwhile with the last ten years of my life, changed no one's life, touched no one's world, left no imprint in this pathetic town for it to remember me by.
And when I'm gone? No one will care. And if they do, they will slowly forget, until weekly letter-writing and e-mails turn into the occasional obligatory phone call, which deteriorates into the occasional obligatory Christmas card, which inevitably leads to nothingness.
I feel like I'm not even here, so excuse me while I go fade away. It's all I've been doing, apparently.
I can't stand the fact that I don't even remember how to act around people, and once school starts I will be clueless, because I know that no one likes me, or at least who they think I am. But who they think I am is not who I am, but I don't know which side of me to set forth, which is stupid because I've known these people for eight years.
I can't stand the fact that I know everyone, everywhere. Suddenly I am itching to move to Florida.
And honestly, I am so jealous of so many of my friends right now that it's insane.
This summer has been most unpleasant, and I fear more of the same for this school year. Will tortures never cease. And Naki excepting, I have no friends to rescue me. Randy is more like a random guy I see every six months whom enjoys cuddling. And most of the people here, while I like them and they are personable, they are not friendly. I have no emotional attachments here, and one of the reasons I am saddest about leaving is knowing that after nine years, I am leaving precious little behind.
Fuck it. I've done nothing worthwhile with the last ten years of my life, changed no one's life, touched no one's world, left no imprint in this pathetic town for it to remember me by.
And when I'm gone? No one will care. And if they do, they will slowly forget, until weekly letter-writing and e-mails turn into the occasional obligatory phone call, which deteriorates into the occasional obligatory Christmas card, which inevitably leads to nothingness.
I feel like I'm not even here, so excuse me while I go fade away. It's all I've been doing, apparently.