Are we having fun yet?
Arrgh. Poofing again. I've just been feeling sicker. I can't keep up with anything. I might pop on here and there. Comment on one of my entries or email me if you need to get ahold of me. (-removed 1/24/08 for SPAM control, Just comment if you need it.). Those of you also having a rough time, *hug* for while I'm gone and can't be there for you. I'm not ignoring people, I'm going to take care of myself.
I feel absolutely pathetic for this... I had to quit my job for disability. The large amount of stigma against that makes me feel like shit. (Which is REALLY counterproductive.) Not to mention my boss is an absolute moron who blames everything on others despite the fact that the problems are all either 1) her fault, 2) the result of her not informing anyone of the rules or anything about the job *see #1*, 3) not being the boss she's supposed to be and putting certain delinquent employees in their place *see #1*, etc...
But, anyways, I can't make it through a day doing hardly anything without having to take the extra anti-anxiety meds prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. The emsam only works on the depression (supposedly... sarcasm).
I keep having these really random dark moods, I have almost absolutely no motivation or energy, I can't taste much at all (mostly just sweet stuff). I'm cranky as all get out (of the room and quite quickly) and about the only thing alive and kicking is my oh-so-adorable sarcasm. *eyeroll*
I try to go places (with the possible exception of quick stops at local stores or short walks around the neighborhood) and I start having a panic attack. I do anything 'big' (i.e. vacuum the downstairs or go to a doctor's appointment) and I'm absolutely wiped.
For anyone mildly concerned, my surgery healed up fine; I am now cleared to have sex with my nonexistant boyfriend. I'll keep that in mind. I'm so lusted after, I know. (Sarcasm, again.)
And I keep having abnormal (for me) dreams, like the one where it was either WWII or WWIII and bombs were falling around me... and my cell phone stopped working so I couldn't contact my mother. x_o
We've also had 5 gigonormous spiders in the upstairs half of the house in the past week or two. (details, I know.)
Truth, I'm tired, I feel guilty for taking up resources, worthless, and pissed off at things that shouldn't matter. Truth, I try my hardest, I follow my convictions and be a good guy, and things only get worse.
...
The thing that upsets me the most is that my creativity has been shot in the head. I can barely draw, and when I do, it's so bad that it makes me feel even crappier.
I mean, what am I if I can't even do the thing on which I'm basing my life?
Kaji Phoenix
I feel absolutely pathetic for this... I had to quit my job for disability. The large amount of stigma against that makes me feel like shit. (Which is REALLY counterproductive.) Not to mention my boss is an absolute moron who blames everything on others despite the fact that the problems are all either 1) her fault, 2) the result of her not informing anyone of the rules or anything about the job *see #1*, 3) not being the boss she's supposed to be and putting certain delinquent employees in their place *see #1*, etc...
But, anyways, I can't make it through a day doing hardly anything without having to take the extra anti-anxiety meds prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. The emsam only works on the depression (supposedly... sarcasm).
I keep having these really random dark moods, I have almost absolutely no motivation or energy, I can't taste much at all (mostly just sweet stuff). I'm cranky as all get out (of the room and quite quickly) and about the only thing alive and kicking is my oh-so-adorable sarcasm. *eyeroll*
I try to go places (with the possible exception of quick stops at local stores or short walks around the neighborhood) and I start having a panic attack. I do anything 'big' (i.e. vacuum the downstairs or go to a doctor's appointment) and I'm absolutely wiped.
For anyone mildly concerned, my surgery healed up fine; I am now cleared to have sex with my nonexistant boyfriend. I'll keep that in mind. I'm so lusted after, I know. (Sarcasm, again.)
And I keep having abnormal (for me) dreams, like the one where it was either WWII or WWIII and bombs were falling around me... and my cell phone stopped working so I couldn't contact my mother. x_o
We've also had 5 gigonormous spiders in the upstairs half of the house in the past week or two. (details, I know.)
Truth, I'm tired, I feel guilty for taking up resources, worthless, and pissed off at things that shouldn't matter. Truth, I try my hardest, I follow my convictions and be a good guy, and things only get worse.
...
The thing that upsets me the most is that my creativity has been shot in the head. I can barely draw, and when I do, it's so bad that it makes me feel even crappier.
I mean, what am I if I can't even do the thing on which I'm basing my life?
Kaji Phoenix