Now more than ever...

[phoenix_kaji]

...I need help.

For once, I don't even feel like giving everyone an earful of the details of what's happening right now. Probably because I'm actually quite ashamed of myself for once.

...Anyways, if anyone is feeling so bold (or bored?) as to give me advice, I'll listen the best I can. But really, I only want advice if you can back it up. I don't

Comments

[phoenix_kaji]

No, actually, it's sort of something I'd thought about before. For most of those years, I had a GP who was basically just throwing random SSRIs at me and saying 'try this'. So I'm sure that there were plenty of those... that, truth knows, might have been helpful.

Ind I had no idea what was going on, either, and I... well, it was hard watching my life slowly fall apart in front of my eyes. I was a hardworking, university-bound AP student. My parents and everyone around me had high expectations. Then it all crumbled like the foundations were rotted. The grades, the stability, the success, even the perhaps 'pretty' 'girl' they saw all burned.

The two things that make the wait hardest for me are my family's expectations and ...mine. It's been hammered into my head that I could, no, SHOULD be so much better than this that it's incredibly hard to watch myself flounder. It's really taken away most of what little self esteem I had.

Ha, so bumping off a medicine that wasn't working in less than a month (or sooner, if it made me want to kill myself or someone else)...seemed like a damn good idea at the time.

Yeah, that was then. Feels like I've wasted years, really... I do know better now, with this new doctor. the zoloft/strattera/lamictol was honestly ...the best combination I'd achieved in years. And I had that going for... I don't know, but it was a long time, I think.

And now I'm waiting for this emsam to work its, well, whatever it does.

I think I have a doctor who finally knows what he's doing. (I hope?) He was using the lamictol and the strattera to help supplement the zoloft,...

It's just hard. I think what I need is to find a way to allow myself to wait (and to get my family to do the same.)I guess I need help waiting without feeling like an absolute failure. *eh heh*

But thank you, wait I will.

[mizunoseiryuu]

I was very sad to hear that the combination you were on didn't work out for you. I know you gave it a long try, and I know that you were given it by a doctor who should know what's what in medication like that. I'll keep my fingers crossed on this new drug. I know that there are a lot of things you CAN'T take with an MAOI, but I also believe that this new doctor will help you find the things that you can and that can help you find (in time) the stability you seek.

[phoenix_kaji]

Yeah I have to watch everything I take now.

At the very least, I know that that combination stabilizes me and allows me to function (albeit at a fairly basic level), and can go back to it if I never find anything else that works. (which is unlikely, I hope...)

Thank you, and I hope listening to my long winded ramble isn't too draining... I'm not thinking fluidly right now, and I think my brain's trying to compensate with wordiness.