alright..so the update
Hoping that this won't be cut short by the tap tap of little feet coming down the stairs for brekkie...oh what has changed...I have had so much time to think. So much time to be at peace..so much time to realize that I really didnt like the person I was and that I needed/wanted a change. Its amazing to me how being with child can make you see some things with such clarity and other things with such smoke...I have mended old friendship wounds, cut off some ties, made new friends, and learnt that I need to start trusting myself. There are certain people in my life that I cannot live without and there are others that I want to be involved with but worry I can't right now. But all of these feelings bring me peace because at least I am seeing them for what they are. I have realized that people need their space and that things are not always what they seem. I have also realized that you can't fix people and that peoples words often times means more then their actions. I find it funny how friendships and people come in and out of your life ....I think people work in cycles....There are important people in my life right this second that if you would have asked me a year ago who are you the closest too I would never have thought of answering these people....but the people that arent so mcuh in my life right now, would have been my answer...its odd to me. Its also extremely frighting. I have also realized that people can change....and that I have no right to not forgive people for what they have done to me, and grudges are things that I just need to not live with. If someone says sorry to you and shows you everyday that they are indeed ready to be your friend, your real friend...why is it my right to hold anything against them. At the same time if a person keeps kicking you while your down...what happens then? Do you keep going back for more?
In the last year I have forgiven a few people. One in praticular...and I think you know who you are...D.R.-I want/need you to know that I care immensly about you and the work that you have done to your self and your environment is amazing...I can say with such immense thought and clarity that I trust,love and care about you. We went through a huge rough path but I feel like we are closer now then we have ever been. I love you.
The other S: you are an amazing woman. you need to give yourself a little more credit then you do. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words and your apology. I wish you only calm and collective thought. I dont know where our relationship will go from here...but I forgive you and look forward to the future.
There is another person whom I have become so amazingly close to..I really didnt see it coming actully..G..I love you and I want to thank you for everything you have done for me and for being there through ups and downs and sideways. You are a true spirit and the person that I see coming from the person I saw in that hospital bed is amazing.you have done a full 360. I think you still have work to do but I am so glad to be a part of your life , and to be able to watch you grow. You are truly picking yourself up. Your awesome.
There are a few people that have taken me through the ringer in the last month or two...to you : K I love you. I understand where and what you are saying with everything that has been said...everyone hurts and everyone has to own up to their own mistakes and feelings. I own mine. You must be hurting a great deal right now and I am sorry for that yet at the same time I am hurting too. We need our space. People change, evolve and come around. I am trying not to live in the past with my mistakes. Everyone needs to let go.
D I love you. Everything has fallen apart. I am not sure if it means that we are going our seperate paths forever or if it means we are simply away for a time. I do know for sure that nothing that has been done or said was out of malice or hate. Everything was done with one thing in mind, to help you find peace. I am sorry that you can't see that right now.
I don't know why I felt the need to do that...I guess I needed to. I don't want to live in a life of smoke and mirrors anymore..I want to be able to stand up and be proud of myself and the people around me. I have said and done some hurtful things to people in the past but all I can really hope for is a future that is filled with alot more peace. To the people I have hurt, I am sorry. To the people that have been here for the past year...Thank you
I love you.
Pheen
In the last year I have forgiven a few people. One in praticular...and I think you know who you are...D.R.-I want/need you to know that I care immensly about you and the work that you have done to your self and your environment is amazing...I can say with such immense thought and clarity that I trust,love and care about you. We went through a huge rough path but I feel like we are closer now then we have ever been. I love you.
The other S: you are an amazing woman. you need to give yourself a little more credit then you do. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words and your apology. I wish you only calm and collective thought. I dont know where our relationship will go from here...but I forgive you and look forward to the future.
There is another person whom I have become so amazingly close to..I really didnt see it coming actully..G..I love you and I want to thank you for everything you have done for me and for being there through ups and downs and sideways. You are a true spirit and the person that I see coming from the person I saw in that hospital bed is amazing.you have done a full 360. I think you still have work to do but I am so glad to be a part of your life , and to be able to watch you grow. You are truly picking yourself up. Your awesome.
There are a few people that have taken me through the ringer in the last month or two...to you : K I love you. I understand where and what you are saying with everything that has been said...everyone hurts and everyone has to own up to their own mistakes and feelings. I own mine. You must be hurting a great deal right now and I am sorry for that yet at the same time I am hurting too. We need our space. People change, evolve and come around. I am trying not to live in the past with my mistakes. Everyone needs to let go.
D I love you. Everything has fallen apart. I am not sure if it means that we are going our seperate paths forever or if it means we are simply away for a time. I do know for sure that nothing that has been done or said was out of malice or hate. Everything was done with one thing in mind, to help you find peace. I am sorry that you can't see that right now.
I don't know why I felt the need to do that...I guess I needed to. I don't want to live in a life of smoke and mirrors anymore..I want to be able to stand up and be proud of myself and the people around me. I have said and done some hurtful things to people in the past but all I can really hope for is a future that is filled with alot more peace. To the people I have hurt, I am sorry. To the people that have been here for the past year...Thank you
I love you.
Pheen