(no subject)
I decry the current trend of lackluster movies. I just got finished watching Falling Down, with Michael Douglas, the first time through, and was left thinking two things:
1. Comparatively, movies these days are about as entertaining as a giraffe sucking off a gorilla. No, wait, they're less entertaining; that would actually be pretty cool to see.
2. It will never, ever be safe for me to have children. Ever. For society, mainly.
Still job-hunting. Might've had one by now had I bothered applying to fast food restaurants, but no. Just no. I've put in a few calls to certain places to see what the likelihood was of me getting a job were I to apply, places that are not cookie-cutter retail jobs. Uniformly, gruff voices spoke with a hint of disapproval about my lack of a piece of paper which is supposed to denote my competence. I hate people, and my inability to afford college.
However, a tiny spark of hope has embedded itself somewhere I can't see in regards to education. I will attempt to grow this spark into a flame, and then an inferno. It's been too long since I've burned alight, though I caught the few merest glimpses of that self a few nights back before going into bed and having it disappear by the time I awoke, and on a few evenings while smoking and staring into the west as the horizon burned with whispers of wanton freedom and joy. Suffice to say I am comforted that it's still around, and driven maddeningly to the edge by my own inability to access it. It will come, eventually, of it's own volition, and I will accept it.
For now I merely seek to minimize the damage wrought by my own failed incompetence; primarily, I seek jobs in revolting retail in fields that I find passably acceptable. The most I can hope for at this point with neither a college education, nor a starting capital, nor a functioning mode of productive sanity (or insanity, for that matter) is a job at an arts and crafts store. The pay will probably be comparable to other big-box stores, but this one in particular provides a delectable 25% discount on all its merchandise, which works out for me because it was the only store I frequented on the matter, to begin with...
The application is put in. Now I just have to hold my sanity together until I can do something about it. No small task. Conversely, productive insanity would be welcome, but this middle ground of neutral listless insanity is going to be the end of me unless I can whip my brain-chemicals into some manner of shape. Again, no small task. But I've got to hold on to something. Anything.
Ninja Edit: Cream soda does, in fact, still rock. Also, with each passing day, Livejournal stuffs more and more useless, gaudy toys into its programming, and with each new infection of self-effacing technological updates it loses a bit of the Zen simplicity and hands-off liberty that used to welcome me each time I logged in.
1. Comparatively, movies these days are about as entertaining as a giraffe sucking off a gorilla. No, wait, they're less entertaining; that would actually be pretty cool to see.
2. It will never, ever be safe for me to have children. Ever. For society, mainly.
Still job-hunting. Might've had one by now had I bothered applying to fast food restaurants, but no. Just no. I've put in a few calls to certain places to see what the likelihood was of me getting a job were I to apply, places that are not cookie-cutter retail jobs. Uniformly, gruff voices spoke with a hint of disapproval about my lack of a piece of paper which is supposed to denote my competence. I hate people, and my inability to afford college.
However, a tiny spark of hope has embedded itself somewhere I can't see in regards to education. I will attempt to grow this spark into a flame, and then an inferno. It's been too long since I've burned alight, though I caught the few merest glimpses of that self a few nights back before going into bed and having it disappear by the time I awoke, and on a few evenings while smoking and staring into the west as the horizon burned with whispers of wanton freedom and joy. Suffice to say I am comforted that it's still around, and driven maddeningly to the edge by my own inability to access it. It will come, eventually, of it's own volition, and I will accept it.
For now I merely seek to minimize the damage wrought by my own failed incompetence; primarily, I seek jobs in revolting retail in fields that I find passably acceptable. The most I can hope for at this point with neither a college education, nor a starting capital, nor a functioning mode of productive sanity (or insanity, for that matter) is a job at an arts and crafts store. The pay will probably be comparable to other big-box stores, but this one in particular provides a delectable 25% discount on all its merchandise, which works out for me because it was the only store I frequented on the matter, to begin with...
The application is put in. Now I just have to hold my sanity together until I can do something about it. No small task. Conversely, productive insanity would be welcome, but this middle ground of neutral listless insanity is going to be the end of me unless I can whip my brain-chemicals into some manner of shape. Again, no small task. But I've got to hold on to something. Anything.
Ninja Edit: Cream soda does, in fact, still rock. Also, with each passing day, Livejournal stuffs more and more useless, gaudy toys into its programming, and with each new infection of self-effacing technological updates it loses a bit of the Zen simplicity and hands-off liberty that used to welcome me each time I logged in.