(no subject)
So, this week hasn't been going very well so far. Stupid stuff at work and all that junk. I had today off and guess what I spent it doing.... sleeping. Seriously... I did not leave the bed till after 5. Woke up a few times and thought about getting out of bed... saw no point and just stayed there.
Sad isn't it?
What's even sadder is the only good thing this week that's happened or even made me smile was a few minutes ago I went on facebook and my x sent me a hug thingy.... now this is the x who was my first and pretty much only boyfriend ever. Not the x buddy who was a big mistake on my part... but we won't get into that. But it sucks cause they both have the same name so it's all confusing for most people.
Steve was like the love of my life. We started off as friends and were really good friends for a while. We were such good friends that at one point I was trying to set him up with my friend Jamie. That didn't work out and while that was going on I realized that I was in love with him. I told him how I felt and found out he felt the same and had a crush on me when we first met but he had heard that I was slut which was probably due to the fact that the few girls I was friends with back in the day... well they got around. But not me. I was the virgin. We actually had a big laugh about that because he of course realized that was not true about me seeing as I never hid the fact that I was a virgin.
Sadly, things didn't work out because we had been such good friends that he felt akward after we started dating.
I never got over him. I still have dreams about him, I still think about him... but I haven't seen him for years. He sent me a friend request on facebook a few months ago now every so often he pops up sending something or whatever... and that silly hug thing he sent came at just the right time... he was always good with his timing too...
I know there is nothing deeper then he sent a silly hug. That he will always be the one that didn't work that I will never be fully over.... but even that small thought that maybe... just maybe he thinks about me too gets to me and makes me wonder when I shouldn't wonder.
I've learned that I should never hope for anything. Nothing in life will ever go in my favor.
And I wonder what makes me more sad... the fact that I've accepted this to be true... or the fact that it really could be true and there is nothing to do but accept it...
Sad isn't it?
What's even sadder is the only good thing this week that's happened or even made me smile was a few minutes ago I went on facebook and my x sent me a hug thingy.... now this is the x who was my first and pretty much only boyfriend ever. Not the x buddy who was a big mistake on my part... but we won't get into that. But it sucks cause they both have the same name so it's all confusing for most people.
Steve was like the love of my life. We started off as friends and were really good friends for a while. We were such good friends that at one point I was trying to set him up with my friend Jamie. That didn't work out and while that was going on I realized that I was in love with him. I told him how I felt and found out he felt the same and had a crush on me when we first met but he had heard that I was slut which was probably due to the fact that the few girls I was friends with back in the day... well they got around. But not me. I was the virgin. We actually had a big laugh about that because he of course realized that was not true about me seeing as I never hid the fact that I was a virgin.
Sadly, things didn't work out because we had been such good friends that he felt akward after we started dating.
I never got over him. I still have dreams about him, I still think about him... but I haven't seen him for years. He sent me a friend request on facebook a few months ago now every so often he pops up sending something or whatever... and that silly hug thing he sent came at just the right time... he was always good with his timing too...
I know there is nothing deeper then he sent a silly hug. That he will always be the one that didn't work that I will never be fully over.... but even that small thought that maybe... just maybe he thinks about me too gets to me and makes me wonder when I shouldn't wonder.
I've learned that I should never hope for anything. Nothing in life will ever go in my favor.
And I wonder what makes me more sad... the fact that I've accepted this to be true... or the fact that it really could be true and there is nothing to do but accept it...