self-control
my self-control is getting better. i'm not crying as much. i'm trying to accept everything. processing what has happened. and just trying to be strong. there was this little bit of hope that i got last night before sleeping. but maybe it was just my imagination. i can't stop myself from checking your myspace. trying to check if you're okay. it's helping me move on. but i saw that picture with the flower. and it gave me hope, that i was that flower. and you found me again. or you were thinking about me. or was it just a dream. was it just my imagination.that picture in my head, made me smile again. i felt stronger. but when i woke up, it changed. i don't know if it was a dream. but maybe it was a sign. but i don't want to hope too much. maybe it's just my mind playing with me. Seeing that you have self-control. or maybe you are trying to move on . you haven't called me. texted me. check to see if i'm okay. maybe it's the right thing to do. i'm trying. i wonder if you're thinking about me? it's helping me to move on knowing that if you can, i can. i went to church today to pray, pray for you & i. pray that you will get over what you're going through. i lit a candle for you. i asked God to help you...i'm leaving it all up to Him. He knows what's best for the both of us. I have faith. Faith that everything will be okay, i guess this is my first step forward. a step to realize that you can't have everything you want. My friends tell me to try to forget you, that you don't deserve me. maybe they're right, that you don't deserve me, but i feel that i deserve you. i'm trying to move on with a little bit of hope, but expecting the worse. there's nothing wrong with hoping. but i know i have to go on with my life. i just wanted to let you know, if you're reading. that i'll be waiting for that call. or that text of yours. and maybe we could be friends again. when you're ready. i don't want to rush you. but i'll always be here. it can be tonight, tomorrow, next week, or as long as you need. i'll be here. i'm accepting the fact that i can only have you as a friend. nothing more. and maybe one day. your feelings will be for me. that you're ready. ready for a second chance. ready for a true relationship. if not then maybe we can still be good friends and maybe even best friends. we were just friends before, our friendship can grow even more stronger after this trial. til then, i will move on. my tears are slowly going away. slowly accepting reality. i'm putting things away. but just for now. to help me. and maybe one day, i'll be able to open that box again. i'll be able to open that box of pictures, letters, and everything that reminds me of you and not be sad but to be thankful. i'm trying to be strong, independent again. i can do it. no more worries. i've survived alone before, i can do it again. there is so much to look forward to. i look forward to being happy again one day. i'm starting to smile again. instead of crying, i'm smiling everytime i think about you. i cherish all of the memories. there is nothing to be sad about. i'm just being thankful that i got to experience it. it'll take time. but i feel stronger every minute, every hour, everyday. and one day. i'll get to see you again, we'll both be stronger. trying to look at the bright side. right ! =). smile for me each day. even if you're down. keep your head up. smile! it only takes a second. if you can do it for me. it'll make my day better knowing that you're trying. it's for the better. for your future. i still want to help somehow. my friends wonder why i still care. why i'm not mad. it's because no one is perfect. people make mistakes. i'm not perfect. so why should i bother being bitter. there is so much more to look forward to. there is so much to be happy and thankful about. why am i so optimistic? well it's just me. you're probably right! i'm a hopeless romantic.
