Random Troubling Thoughts
I just got my general GRE scores today. My highest score was the analytical writing portion of the test. I got a 5.5 out of 6. I've always known that writing is one of my strongest skills and have been told several times by many people that I should pursue it as a career. Despite the logic of this idea, I've never really known what I would write about were I to become a writer. I'm very good at communicating my thoughts and I'll have the occasional wild idea for a story, and some that are not so wild, but how does that qualify me as a writer? Further than that, how am I to accomplish the unfathomable task of getting people to pay to read what I write? It's true that I am interested in many subjects and could write about anything after having done the research, but what good would that be to anybody if the information is already out there?
What concerns me the most about all this is the puny score I got on the qualitative portion of the exam. 730/800 is not that exciting for someone who wants to be a scientist. Perhaps I'm reading way too much into a silly test score, but it makes me wonder whether I'll ever make as good a physicist as I would a writer. I do enjoy writing, but is it reasonable to scrap a fledgling yet possibly very productive career as a scientist to do what I know I'm good at and take delight in? (bad grammer, I know)
I always begin to doubt myself when the anniversary of my Mother's death comes around. I wonder if all people experience doubt about their career paths even though they like them. I'm also starting to get a little depressed and overwhelmed. With applications needing to be completed to grad schools, trouble with love, and little to no desire to do my coursework this semester, I suppose it's understandable. I just wish I weren't so unstable. I wish I knew myself better, but wishing usually doesn't accomplish anything. I need to somehow figure out how to flip the reactivation switch on myself and I need to do it quickly. I feel as though I'm rambling uselessly. I need to stop.
What concerns me the most about all this is the puny score I got on the qualitative portion of the exam. 730/800 is not that exciting for someone who wants to be a scientist. Perhaps I'm reading way too much into a silly test score, but it makes me wonder whether I'll ever make as good a physicist as I would a writer. I do enjoy writing, but is it reasonable to scrap a fledgling yet possibly very productive career as a scientist to do what I know I'm good at and take delight in? (bad grammer, I know)
I always begin to doubt myself when the anniversary of my Mother's death comes around. I wonder if all people experience doubt about their career paths even though they like them. I'm also starting to get a little depressed and overwhelmed. With applications needing to be completed to grad schools, trouble with love, and little to no desire to do my coursework this semester, I suppose it's understandable. I just wish I weren't so unstable. I wish I knew myself better, but wishing usually doesn't accomplish anything. I need to somehow figure out how to flip the reactivation switch on myself and I need to do it quickly. I feel as though I'm rambling uselessly. I need to stop.