detours
sooo... howdy folks. once again, i would appreciate your input/advice/suggestions/counsel/questions/comments/curse-words regarding something. you may or may not know that i was all set to go ahead and go back to SU and try to finish up my degree, so i could go ahead on into teaching music hopefully. i really made the decision that even though SU had been totally absurdly preposterously unreasonable and asshole-y with me, i was going to suck it up and go back and finish up anyway-- which for anyone who knows me, that is a really big deal for me to decide that and cast all that aside.
but!, a funny thing happened. things looked like they were going so smoothly, but then the other day i looked over the sheet they gave me as to how my previously earned credits fit into the "new curriculum" and how many i'd have left to take. previously, i'd had about 102 credits toward a 120ish credit degree- i planned to work full-time and take a few classes for a year-and-a-half and finish that puppy up. but!, a funny thing happened (as previously stated). on the "new curriculum" which i would "supposably" be required to fulfill, *poof!*, my accumulated credits dwindle to 78! and!, my remaining required credits magically balloons to 42!! that's like 3 semesters of full-time!
so the issue here is the fact that i really have no way to go about doing full-time school at this point. i can not stay here in my mom's place that long. i need to get out on my own- within the next few months. i would have to work in my free time just to get enough money to pay my car payments and car insurance and gas and some food and stuff, which would leave me with little time for manda and exactly No Time Whatsoever to try and do anything with music.
so here is what i am thinking, possibly. not saying i've "decided" this yet, but i get a strong vibe of it in The Force. it seems like every time i make an honest effort to go back to SU, they (or possibly the gods) call a meeting and try to think of the most over-the-top insane unreasonable crushing impossibly ridiculous thing they can think of to squelch any possible sense i have of actually being able to stay/go back there and finish the degree. at the time i left, i had a very strong feeling that it was the right decision, i had this powerful sense of "this is not right for you, you need to make your own way". and i am really strongly feeling that again. and what i've realized is this: yes, i left. but, i never even really tried at all to make my own way. i was dealing with too many other things to even get started on any of that. i've only recently got to the point where i could really apply myself and do anything, try anything, as a result of the wonderful ways manda has helped me change my life. now, i am really ready to try something. to do everything i can to put myself out there and try to make something out of my talents, my music. to work really hard on writing and recording and playing things, and promoting it and marketing it so to speak. i am feeling that i have to make a decision- whether or not i believe in myself, my talent, my ability to succeed with this. i feel i've sort of been forced to choose one or the other, for now at least. and i think i am at the point where i feel ready, i believe in myself, i believe in what i am writing now-a-days, and i believe that i can be determined enough to work at making something happen with it. so i think rather than stay at home for another year-and-a-half, driving out to winchester and back every day, working during all of my spare time and never seeing manda or doing anything with music, i will just try to get a different job/another job in which i can make enough to move out and get by, and then spend my free time working really hard on my music. maybe that's really short-sighted, but i just can't do those other things right now. and i feel i have to give myself a fair chance.
what do you think? thanks.
-j
but!, a funny thing happened. things looked like they were going so smoothly, but then the other day i looked over the sheet they gave me as to how my previously earned credits fit into the "new curriculum" and how many i'd have left to take. previously, i'd had about 102 credits toward a 120ish credit degree- i planned to work full-time and take a few classes for a year-and-a-half and finish that puppy up. but!, a funny thing happened (as previously stated). on the "new curriculum" which i would "supposably" be required to fulfill, *poof!*, my accumulated credits dwindle to 78! and!, my remaining required credits magically balloons to 42!! that's like 3 semesters of full-time!
so the issue here is the fact that i really have no way to go about doing full-time school at this point. i can not stay here in my mom's place that long. i need to get out on my own- within the next few months. i would have to work in my free time just to get enough money to pay my car payments and car insurance and gas and some food and stuff, which would leave me with little time for manda and exactly No Time Whatsoever to try and do anything with music.
so here is what i am thinking, possibly. not saying i've "decided" this yet, but i get a strong vibe of it in The Force. it seems like every time i make an honest effort to go back to SU, they (or possibly the gods) call a meeting and try to think of the most over-the-top insane unreasonable crushing impossibly ridiculous thing they can think of to squelch any possible sense i have of actually being able to stay/go back there and finish the degree. at the time i left, i had a very strong feeling that it was the right decision, i had this powerful sense of "this is not right for you, you need to make your own way". and i am really strongly feeling that again. and what i've realized is this: yes, i left. but, i never even really tried at all to make my own way. i was dealing with too many other things to even get started on any of that. i've only recently got to the point where i could really apply myself and do anything, try anything, as a result of the wonderful ways manda has helped me change my life. now, i am really ready to try something. to do everything i can to put myself out there and try to make something out of my talents, my music. to work really hard on writing and recording and playing things, and promoting it and marketing it so to speak. i am feeling that i have to make a decision- whether or not i believe in myself, my talent, my ability to succeed with this. i feel i've sort of been forced to choose one or the other, for now at least. and i think i am at the point where i feel ready, i believe in myself, i believe in what i am writing now-a-days, and i believe that i can be determined enough to work at making something happen with it. so i think rather than stay at home for another year-and-a-half, driving out to winchester and back every day, working during all of my spare time and never seeing manda or doing anything with music, i will just try to get a different job/another job in which i can make enough to move out and get by, and then spend my free time working really hard on my music. maybe that's really short-sighted, but i just can't do those other things right now. and i feel i have to give myself a fair chance.
what do you think? thanks.
-j