Been Awhile
I doubt anybody looks at this anymore, but it is a journal I almost forgot existed until now and I will make more of an effort, for myself, to write down my most intense emotions on this page and the life surrounding me. It's been more than a month since I've recorded my thoughts and everything I have expected this year has been so far.. surprising. Things in my life have come up and down unexpectedly and emotions have already been to the highest high and the lowest low and it's only a month and a half into the year. I confuse myself with my overanalyzing and I confuse and possibly hurt others with my discreet feelings. I know I am often misinterpreted and my words are often concerning to a few who care about me more than I deserve. I feel so grateful to have people around me finally appreciate the person I am, and I feel eternally grateful to be born into such a warm family. I know at times it seems I ignore the people in my bloodline, and at times I feel overwhelmed and crowded so I find anything I can to escape, but I still care and this weekend my brother is in town. I missed him so much even though it's only been a month since I saw him, it made me want to be closer even more. I always get confused when I'm spending too much time with one person or one group of people for a week or a weekend and then I feel terrible for ignoring the others. There are some people I seem to have forgotten, but they are still in my thoughts, I still want to see them, I just haven't figured out how to space my time evenly, and still get the grades I want, and the hours I want at work. I don't know why I have so much in my life but I know that if I ever need something there are so many people that I can go to.
Midterms are finally done, reading break has started, my braces (I don't want to get my hopes up too high though incase he changes his mind) are finally coming off after three weeks, I am finally getting the hours I want at work on my week off, my brother is in town and I have more time with the people I care about, and the weather is warming so quickly I can taste my favorite season a week away. The only art I have yet to master is the art of science. My grades, my study, my school work and the motivation to keep it up worries me. I really need to raise my GPA and over the next week I will devise a plan to space out my social and school life.
Though everything is better than I could have ever expected, there are always worries on my mind, and anybody that wants to change them need not waste their concerns. I worry because I care, and I'm not going to stop caring. There are subtle questions that come up in my mind, some I feel unnecessary to express because some things are better left hidden. If it's something small I'd rather not create needless worry and doubt upon others, if it's something I can rid of myself, I'd rather not invlove anybody else. There are a few things that I'm trying to decide whether I need to voice or whether it will make it even worse and there are a few things in my own life I need to decide if I want to change. It is still the beginning, everything in this year is still new and time reveals so much all I can do is patiently wait and continue to be the person I am and I strive toward. This entry is long, but it's been awhile, and I don't even know if anybody will read it.. maybe it's something to myself with the risk of publicity. Something I need to explain without knowing who I'm explaining to or if writing will simply help me decide what I need to do. Ack..work in 20 minutes.. even though I like the hours, I still dread going.
Midterms are finally done, reading break has started, my braces (I don't want to get my hopes up too high though incase he changes his mind) are finally coming off after three weeks, I am finally getting the hours I want at work on my week off, my brother is in town and I have more time with the people I care about, and the weather is warming so quickly I can taste my favorite season a week away. The only art I have yet to master is the art of science. My grades, my study, my school work and the motivation to keep it up worries me. I really need to raise my GPA and over the next week I will devise a plan to space out my social and school life.
Though everything is better than I could have ever expected, there are always worries on my mind, and anybody that wants to change them need not waste their concerns. I worry because I care, and I'm not going to stop caring. There are subtle questions that come up in my mind, some I feel unnecessary to express because some things are better left hidden. If it's something small I'd rather not create needless worry and doubt upon others, if it's something I can rid of myself, I'd rather not invlove anybody else. There are a few things that I'm trying to decide whether I need to voice or whether it will make it even worse and there are a few things in my own life I need to decide if I want to change. It is still the beginning, everything in this year is still new and time reveals so much all I can do is patiently wait and continue to be the person I am and I strive toward. This entry is long, but it's been awhile, and I don't even know if anybody will read it.. maybe it's something to myself with the risk of publicity. Something I need to explain without knowing who I'm explaining to or if writing will simply help me decide what I need to do. Ack..work in 20 minutes.. even though I like the hours, I still dread going.