(no subject)
The days are going by so fast... sometimes it's hard to believe how much time has gone.It's like things are just zooming by leaving me to wonder what just happened. It's hard to grasp the big things and so easy to miss the small ones. Friends are changing, both for the better and the worse. I wish i could keep up with them, but people change and we all have alot since high school ended. Its just sad, i've been thinking of her again, just briefly, how did it come to this, no contact whatsoever from being so close. I would blame myself but i know this time it's not my fault. Something tells me she decided to avoid me for somereason but who knows with her.
It's hard to think about life, the bigger picture, and all the things that fall through the cracks. I've come a long way from what i was before and who i was before. But i'm still me at the corps of it all, which may or may not be a good thing we'll have to wait and see. My faith is hanging on a it's last string, ready to be cut at any momment. I want to believe in something more, it's just hard to see past all the heartache. I'm amazed that i made it this far with no real hope or aspiration the last few months. There's the fake things are great, everything will be fine kind of moments the whole time.No real long term, rock solid happiness. And that weight has finally started to hit me at school and at home. Things for all intensive purposes are good, there's not a whole lot to complain about, that's not the problem. Its the worry for everyone i care about... my family... all of you... and it hits so hard that i can't do anything to help. Its the helplessness that is killer. Which then makes me think about my life more closely. And thats never a good thing.
I got another random e-mail from him again... it's hard to see. Its just something you'd send to anyone a stupid forward. I just dont know how to take that. Everything is not okay, we haven't spoken in over a year, your a stranger too me... the person you were before is dead to me... and i can't help but feel guilty about it, Like i had a part in the killing... and who knows i may have. I dont want to have any regrets... but how can i forgive you... or your family... i just can't...
People change, move on, break connections, and make new ones....
You move forward or get left behind
make new connections or are alone
sometimes hope is all you have
I'm travelling on empty emotionally and physically... i just need to keep the pace until christmas... gotta keep up with everyone. I wiil not fall behind again... never again.
It's hard to think about life, the bigger picture, and all the things that fall through the cracks. I've come a long way from what i was before and who i was before. But i'm still me at the corps of it all, which may or may not be a good thing we'll have to wait and see. My faith is hanging on a it's last string, ready to be cut at any momment. I want to believe in something more, it's just hard to see past all the heartache. I'm amazed that i made it this far with no real hope or aspiration the last few months. There's the fake things are great, everything will be fine kind of moments the whole time.No real long term, rock solid happiness. And that weight has finally started to hit me at school and at home. Things for all intensive purposes are good, there's not a whole lot to complain about, that's not the problem. Its the worry for everyone i care about... my family... all of you... and it hits so hard that i can't do anything to help. Its the helplessness that is killer. Which then makes me think about my life more closely. And thats never a good thing.
I got another random e-mail from him again... it's hard to see. Its just something you'd send to anyone a stupid forward. I just dont know how to take that. Everything is not okay, we haven't spoken in over a year, your a stranger too me... the person you were before is dead to me... and i can't help but feel guilty about it, Like i had a part in the killing... and who knows i may have. I dont want to have any regrets... but how can i forgive you... or your family... i just can't...
People change, move on, break connections, and make new ones....
You move forward or get left behind
make new connections or are alone
sometimes hope is all you have
I'm travelling on empty emotionally and physically... i just need to keep the pace until christmas... gotta keep up with everyone. I wiil not fall behind again... never again.