Step one
1. We admitted we were powerless over narcotics -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step one and here I am, freshly enrolled and oh so proud of myself. It's been 9 days since I've used, and I have never felt more alive, ever.
I suppose that sounds like just the fuckin typical thing to say, right? Wrong. By no means am I going to turn into one of those white trash jesus freaks, with a huge crucifix hanging on my bedroom door, don't ya'll worry.And I'm not giving up my damn alcohol, I can STILL drink all you fuckers under the table. This one woman from group wants me to go to church with her this weekend, I'm going to do it just to make her happy, but I am seriously considering converting to Buddhism. It's about time I found my way back to some sort of faith.
***
Methadone tastes like fucking asscrack...sometimes I wish I had just quit cold turkey. Yick.
I never thought my grandparents would have been so understanding. My grandmother actually hugged me, something she hasn't done in quite a few years. They actually said they were PROUD of me, and for once, I feel like I'm actually doing something right.
I get the cold shivers alot, I have to take alot of warm baths and sleep alot...but the doctors said that I should be feeling better within the next few weeks. Today I was a serious housewife. I cleaned and cooked for my grandparents, and of course, me being the fabulous cook that I am, they loved it. Eggplant Parmagiana, yummy yum yum. Being a housewife might not be all that bad after all. Slowly, I can feel the huge partier inside of me die. I can't let me insane and wild side define me as a person anymore, the dark side that came out from influence of heroin. I deserve better than that. Noone and nothing is going to control me anymore, my life is mine to take back, right here and right now.
***
I know I'm not up to the step yet, but I am so ready to make the step for apologies. Rufus, my darling, my precious, I've hurt you badly. I snapped at you when you were tense, I let my emotions run rampant, and I've acted as everyone but you has always treated me as; an immature child. You are the light at the end of the tunnel, you keep me hanging on. I fall asleep to your music every night, and I pray for forgiveness from you. After myself, you are one of the people I put first in my life, I miss you and it hurts so badly when all I want to do is come and see you on tour, and cheer for you with your birth sister, side by side, your two sisters together. I hope some day you can find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me.
***
I love you all, you all mean more to me than you'll ever know.
Step one and here I am, freshly enrolled and oh so proud of myself. It's been 9 days since I've used, and I have never felt more alive, ever.
I suppose that sounds like just the fuckin typical thing to say, right? Wrong. By no means am I going to turn into one of those white trash jesus freaks, with a huge crucifix hanging on my bedroom door, don't ya'll worry.And I'm not giving up my damn alcohol, I can STILL drink all you fuckers under the table. This one woman from group wants me to go to church with her this weekend, I'm going to do it just to make her happy, but I am seriously considering converting to Buddhism. It's about time I found my way back to some sort of faith.
***
Methadone tastes like fucking asscrack...sometimes I wish I had just quit cold turkey. Yick.
I never thought my grandparents would have been so understanding. My grandmother actually hugged me, something she hasn't done in quite a few years. They actually said they were PROUD of me, and for once, I feel like I'm actually doing something right.
I get the cold shivers alot, I have to take alot of warm baths and sleep alot...but the doctors said that I should be feeling better within the next few weeks. Today I was a serious housewife. I cleaned and cooked for my grandparents, and of course, me being the fabulous cook that I am, they loved it. Eggplant Parmagiana, yummy yum yum. Being a housewife might not be all that bad after all. Slowly, I can feel the huge partier inside of me die. I can't let me insane and wild side define me as a person anymore, the dark side that came out from influence of heroin. I deserve better than that. Noone and nothing is going to control me anymore, my life is mine to take back, right here and right now.
***
I know I'm not up to the step yet, but I am so ready to make the step for apologies. Rufus, my darling, my precious, I've hurt you badly. I snapped at you when you were tense, I let my emotions run rampant, and I've acted as everyone but you has always treated me as; an immature child. You are the light at the end of the tunnel, you keep me hanging on. I fall asleep to your music every night, and I pray for forgiveness from you. After myself, you are one of the people I put first in my life, I miss you and it hurts so badly when all I want to do is come and see you on tour, and cheer for you with your birth sister, side by side, your two sisters together. I hope some day you can find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me.
***
I love you all, you all mean more to me than you'll ever know.