(no subject)
I had a little time on my hands and decided to use it to do some writing.
Title: Not enough
Rating: PG-13
Beta: none
Summary: Post "The Truth." Ryan isn't dealing with the fact that nobody trusted him over the Oliver drama quite as well as Sandy was hoping.
Not Enough
It just wasn’t enough.
They hadn’t trusted him. He’d thought the Cohen’s were there for him but this just showed him what they really thought.
They’d believed a psychopath over him. How could they just not believe him? Didn’t they realise that he’d lived among people just like Oliver all of his life. He knew the signs.
So many times good for nothing people would try and steal Theresa away from him but he was always there to look out for her.
How could he look out for someone if the people around him didn’t trust him?
He loved Marissa, he truly did. She was the first person other than Sandy who he had met when arriving to Newport.
She’d hurt him so badly. Now she wanted to get back together with him? The Cohens wanted things to go back to normal. But they’d hurt him too much.
Theresa used to trust him. She’d let him stay in her house when he was scared, she’d get her mom to make him something to eat or fetch ice for him to soothe his bruises. Kirsten hadn’t wanted him at first. Not when he’d been hurt by his mom. It wasn’t until Dawn had asked her to look after him that she actually became open to the idea of him staying with them.
He’d thought she’d begun to care for him but the truth of the matter was that he was still the kid from Chino. He was still the kid around town that no one was able to trust.
He really thought that he’d found somewhere he could have a loving family. Somewhere that he could have a real mom and dad opposed to Dawn and Frank.
But now he felt more alone than ever.
He swirled the whiskey around in its glass. He didn’t like drinking. It reminded him too much of his mom. He hated the smell of alcohol on his breath. He hated himself for doing this.
He downed the whiskey and ordered some tequila. Briefly he though of the time Sandy had told him that alcohol was banned in the house. That he was too young. Ryan had been shocked. There had been no rules like that in Chino.
The bar man didn’t even ask for his age, he happily served him up what he wanted, not even batting an eyelid. He downed the tequila and let the numbing sensation take over.
He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and began fumbling around in his pocket to fish it out. “Shit,” he muttered as he tried to aim his numb fingers into his pocket.
He blinked at the screen ‘Seth Calling’ it read. He put it on the table not bothering to answer it.
He wasn’t in the mood for Seth’s latest Summer drama. Seth would just have to deal with it himself. If he wasn’t going to pay Ryan attention and listen when something of actual importance was being raised in conversation, then he wasn’t going to listen to him in return.
The bar man raised an eyebrow at him. “Woman drama?” He asked.
He had obviously been around too many Seths. Ryan was not going to talk about his problems to a stranger. He shrugged and pushed his shot glass in the direction of the bar man.
The bar man filled it and he downed that one as well.
“Ryan!” He heard a voice behind him and groaned. He put his head in his hands and prayed to God it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
Someone plonked down in the bar stool next to him and he felt a hand land on his back. He flinched but the hand didn’t move away.
“Come on kid, let’s get you home.” He moaned in response and tried to stay planted on the seat but a pair of strong hand lifted him off. Sandy had obviously been working out.
He felt an arm encircle his waist and the sound of money being dropped on to the table.
He tried to move out of Sandy’s grip but the room began to spin and he had to lean against him more to compensate.
“We’re nearly there, you’re okay.” Sandy’s voice was calm and gentle. Ryan felt uneasy, why was Sandy being so nice? He should be completely pissed at him. He was drunk and that was the one rule that the Cohens properly enforced.
His stomach began to flip and he tried to bend down. “Do you think you can make it till we’re outside?” Sandy asked and Ryan gave a little nod in reply.
Once they were out in the cool night air. Sandy led him to the car and let him lean against the smooth exterior. “Luckily Seth left this in the car,” Sandy said opening the boot and pulling out an old ice cream container.
He helped Ryan into the car and handed him the container, removing the few items inside that Ryan really didn’t care to know what they were.
It didn’t take long before Ryan’s stomach began to convulse with a vengeance and Ryan was stuck heaving over the container. Sandy rubbed his back and waited for it to end before beginning to start up the car.
xxx
“You don’t trust me,” the slurred words caught Sandy by surprise. He’d thought Ryan had passed out.
“I do trust you,” he said, taking his hand off the gear stick to rub his hand up Ryan’s arm.
“No you don’t, you trust Oliver but not me. I’m just the poor dumped kid from Chino who is no use to anyone. Who everyone can just pretend to like but then dump when he thinks he’s happy.”
He paused and Sandy was surprised to see tears appearing from the corners of his eyes. He’d never seen Ryan cry.
“I smell like my mom,” he whined and he held the container still again as his stomach once again made a flight plan.
Sandy rubbed his back, one eye secured on the traffic ahead and the other secured on Ryan.
“I’m just the stupid boy from Chino who was dumped by his mom and lives with his lawyer… and … and burned a house down. I can’t help that I lived in Chino. Why does everyone hate me…?”
Sandy listened to Ryan’s continuous, garbled speech. The anger in his voice scared Sandy a little. He’d never heard Ryan talk so much. It was all drunken self pity but some of the things he was saying made him feel awful.
He hadn’t been able to believe it when he’d seen Oliver with that gun. He had really thought that Ryan was beginning to lose it. Especially at the hotel when he had kept calling for Marissa. He couldn’t help but to wonder what would have happened if Marissa hadn’t answered.
He saw Ryan lean his head against the glass window and not another moment passed by before he was trapped in a deep drunken sleep. The container was starting to slip so Sandy stopped the car for a minute to reach around for the lid and placed it back more securely on Ryan’s lap.
The kid was so going to regret this in the morning. He hadn’t been able to believe his eyes when he’d seen Ryan down his tequila like it was just soda. It was worrying that he was so unaffected by it.
When Ryan had first arrived he’d been expecting at least one session where Ryan would come home drunk. He’d just never thought they’d be the reason for it.
When they arrived back at the house, Kirsten came running out. Sandy looked over at Ryan’s sleeping form. “Good luck kid,” he whispered.
He climbed out and grabbed the container. “Hey Kirsten,” he said casually dumping the container into the garbage can.
“Was he there?” She asked worriedly.
“Yeah, let’s get him to bed and then we can talk.” He said to her.
“Sandy, he’s way too young to be drinking?” She argued.
“Kirsten come on lets just get him to bed, we can leave the arguments for later.” She sighed crossly and shrugged.
“I can’t believe this. He’s usually so responsible.” She muttered as between them they half carried half dragged Ryan through the house to the pool house.
He could see that she was annoyed but he didn’t say anything until Ryan was safely tucked into bed.
Kirsten trotted into the kitchen and he followed sheepishly behind her. She turned around promptly to face him.
Sandy took a deep breath. What he had been doing before was not enough and now he had to make it up to Ryan. He had to make Kirsten understand what was going on. They needed to both show him that he was a part of this family. They needed to show Ryan that they trusted him.
The End
Title: Not enough
Rating: PG-13
Beta: none
Summary: Post "The Truth." Ryan isn't dealing with the fact that nobody trusted him over the Oliver drama quite as well as Sandy was hoping.
Not Enough
It just wasn’t enough.
They hadn’t trusted him. He’d thought the Cohen’s were there for him but this just showed him what they really thought.
They’d believed a psychopath over him. How could they just not believe him? Didn’t they realise that he’d lived among people just like Oliver all of his life. He knew the signs.
So many times good for nothing people would try and steal Theresa away from him but he was always there to look out for her.
How could he look out for someone if the people around him didn’t trust him?
He loved Marissa, he truly did. She was the first person other than Sandy who he had met when arriving to Newport.
She’d hurt him so badly. Now she wanted to get back together with him? The Cohens wanted things to go back to normal. But they’d hurt him too much.
Theresa used to trust him. She’d let him stay in her house when he was scared, she’d get her mom to make him something to eat or fetch ice for him to soothe his bruises. Kirsten hadn’t wanted him at first. Not when he’d been hurt by his mom. It wasn’t until Dawn had asked her to look after him that she actually became open to the idea of him staying with them.
He’d thought she’d begun to care for him but the truth of the matter was that he was still the kid from Chino. He was still the kid around town that no one was able to trust.
He really thought that he’d found somewhere he could have a loving family. Somewhere that he could have a real mom and dad opposed to Dawn and Frank.
But now he felt more alone than ever.
He swirled the whiskey around in its glass. He didn’t like drinking. It reminded him too much of his mom. He hated the smell of alcohol on his breath. He hated himself for doing this.
He downed the whiskey and ordered some tequila. Briefly he though of the time Sandy had told him that alcohol was banned in the house. That he was too young. Ryan had been shocked. There had been no rules like that in Chino.
The bar man didn’t even ask for his age, he happily served him up what he wanted, not even batting an eyelid. He downed the tequila and let the numbing sensation take over.
He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and began fumbling around in his pocket to fish it out. “Shit,” he muttered as he tried to aim his numb fingers into his pocket.
He blinked at the screen ‘Seth Calling’ it read. He put it on the table not bothering to answer it.
He wasn’t in the mood for Seth’s latest Summer drama. Seth would just have to deal with it himself. If he wasn’t going to pay Ryan attention and listen when something of actual importance was being raised in conversation, then he wasn’t going to listen to him in return.
The bar man raised an eyebrow at him. “Woman drama?” He asked.
He had obviously been around too many Seths. Ryan was not going to talk about his problems to a stranger. He shrugged and pushed his shot glass in the direction of the bar man.
The bar man filled it and he downed that one as well.
“Ryan!” He heard a voice behind him and groaned. He put his head in his hands and prayed to God it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
Someone plonked down in the bar stool next to him and he felt a hand land on his back. He flinched but the hand didn’t move away.
“Come on kid, let’s get you home.” He moaned in response and tried to stay planted on the seat but a pair of strong hand lifted him off. Sandy had obviously been working out.
He felt an arm encircle his waist and the sound of money being dropped on to the table.
He tried to move out of Sandy’s grip but the room began to spin and he had to lean against him more to compensate.
“We’re nearly there, you’re okay.” Sandy’s voice was calm and gentle. Ryan felt uneasy, why was Sandy being so nice? He should be completely pissed at him. He was drunk and that was the one rule that the Cohens properly enforced.
His stomach began to flip and he tried to bend down. “Do you think you can make it till we’re outside?” Sandy asked and Ryan gave a little nod in reply.
Once they were out in the cool night air. Sandy led him to the car and let him lean against the smooth exterior. “Luckily Seth left this in the car,” Sandy said opening the boot and pulling out an old ice cream container.
He helped Ryan into the car and handed him the container, removing the few items inside that Ryan really didn’t care to know what they were.
It didn’t take long before Ryan’s stomach began to convulse with a vengeance and Ryan was stuck heaving over the container. Sandy rubbed his back and waited for it to end before beginning to start up the car.
xxx
“You don’t trust me,” the slurred words caught Sandy by surprise. He’d thought Ryan had passed out.
“I do trust you,” he said, taking his hand off the gear stick to rub his hand up Ryan’s arm.
“No you don’t, you trust Oliver but not me. I’m just the poor dumped kid from Chino who is no use to anyone. Who everyone can just pretend to like but then dump when he thinks he’s happy.”
He paused and Sandy was surprised to see tears appearing from the corners of his eyes. He’d never seen Ryan cry.
“I smell like my mom,” he whined and he held the container still again as his stomach once again made a flight plan.
Sandy rubbed his back, one eye secured on the traffic ahead and the other secured on Ryan.
“I’m just the stupid boy from Chino who was dumped by his mom and lives with his lawyer… and … and burned a house down. I can’t help that I lived in Chino. Why does everyone hate me…?”
Sandy listened to Ryan’s continuous, garbled speech. The anger in his voice scared Sandy a little. He’d never heard Ryan talk so much. It was all drunken self pity but some of the things he was saying made him feel awful.
He hadn’t been able to believe it when he’d seen Oliver with that gun. He had really thought that Ryan was beginning to lose it. Especially at the hotel when he had kept calling for Marissa. He couldn’t help but to wonder what would have happened if Marissa hadn’t answered.
He saw Ryan lean his head against the glass window and not another moment passed by before he was trapped in a deep drunken sleep. The container was starting to slip so Sandy stopped the car for a minute to reach around for the lid and placed it back more securely on Ryan’s lap.
The kid was so going to regret this in the morning. He hadn’t been able to believe his eyes when he’d seen Ryan down his tequila like it was just soda. It was worrying that he was so unaffected by it.
When Ryan had first arrived he’d been expecting at least one session where Ryan would come home drunk. He’d just never thought they’d be the reason for it.
When they arrived back at the house, Kirsten came running out. Sandy looked over at Ryan’s sleeping form. “Good luck kid,” he whispered.
He climbed out and grabbed the container. “Hey Kirsten,” he said casually dumping the container into the garbage can.
“Was he there?” She asked worriedly.
“Yeah, let’s get him to bed and then we can talk.” He said to her.
“Sandy, he’s way too young to be drinking?” She argued.
“Kirsten come on lets just get him to bed, we can leave the arguments for later.” She sighed crossly and shrugged.
“I can’t believe this. He’s usually so responsible.” She muttered as between them they half carried half dragged Ryan through the house to the pool house.
He could see that she was annoyed but he didn’t say anything until Ryan was safely tucked into bed.
Kirsten trotted into the kitchen and he followed sheepishly behind her. She turned around promptly to face him.
Sandy took a deep breath. What he had been doing before was not enough and now he had to make it up to Ryan. He had to make Kirsten understand what was going on. They needed to both show him that he was a part of this family. They needed to show Ryan that they trusted him.
The End