I had to write this down.
Very recently, the dynamic with my relationships has changed. I've been going through a lot of changes in relationships with people recently, but this one has been eating me alive.
I've known this person for about 2 years and 7 or 8 months, and I've really come to enjoy this person to the degree that we were quite close. Recently, she dumped her boyfriend and then desperately sought to regain him as a boyfriend, only to be denied. That's when everything changed.
After this happened, the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. I feel as if I myself have been dumped even though we were never together, that's how close we were.
The conversations we have are at best awkward now. One person is putting out a front of strength, doing everything she can to reinvent herself as a person and try to find her individual personality, I respect that. The problem is that this change has made her absolutely inaccesible. She hardly talks about herself and her life anymore, doing everything she can to try to be someone that I don't think she is. Whatever the case, the hardest part for me has been to try and be supportive and try and give her some distance. That has been my challenge and I am failing miserably.
I didn't think I was as attached to her as I am and this change has been killing me. As a result, I've been truly awful in any conversations we've been having because I had to put my own barrier up to protect myself from being hurt by her. I don't normally give a lot of myself to someone because I'm so scared of being hurt and I can't help but to be hurt by her and she just doesn't understand where I'm coming from.
I guess the old addage is true, in a relationship one person always puts more of themselves into it than the other. We were never in a relationship, but it felt like it. This hurts, but I have to move on somehow.
I could punch a wall after every time I talk to her now. So frustrating. Every time I get like this, I just refocus myself at work so I guess that's a good thing.
Sorry for rambling, well it's not like anyone reads this anyways, but still. I just needed to get this off my mind.
I've known this person for about 2 years and 7 or 8 months, and I've really come to enjoy this person to the degree that we were quite close. Recently, she dumped her boyfriend and then desperately sought to regain him as a boyfriend, only to be denied. That's when everything changed.
After this happened, the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. I feel as if I myself have been dumped even though we were never together, that's how close we were.
The conversations we have are at best awkward now. One person is putting out a front of strength, doing everything she can to reinvent herself as a person and try to find her individual personality, I respect that. The problem is that this change has made her absolutely inaccesible. She hardly talks about herself and her life anymore, doing everything she can to try to be someone that I don't think she is. Whatever the case, the hardest part for me has been to try and be supportive and try and give her some distance. That has been my challenge and I am failing miserably.
I didn't think I was as attached to her as I am and this change has been killing me. As a result, I've been truly awful in any conversations we've been having because I had to put my own barrier up to protect myself from being hurt by her. I don't normally give a lot of myself to someone because I'm so scared of being hurt and I can't help but to be hurt by her and she just doesn't understand where I'm coming from.
I guess the old addage is true, in a relationship one person always puts more of themselves into it than the other. We were never in a relationship, but it felt like it. This hurts, but I have to move on somehow.
I could punch a wall after every time I talk to her now. So frustrating. Every time I get like this, I just refocus myself at work so I guess that's a good thing.
Sorry for rambling, well it's not like anyone reads this anyways, but still. I just needed to get this off my mind.