The Events of March 22.
There is a HUGH amount of stuff to talk about because this was a big, big day. So make sure your nice and comfortable and have time to spare. Therefore, Mike have some tea and perhaps a hit off your bong, Melissa, do whatever it is you do to relax, and Mark, go find someone 21 or older to get you a beer.
First things first, there was a wedding, Amy and Jasper got married, (my dad finally figured out that Jasper is not their dog.) it lasted 12 minutes, my mom timed it and later said she liked how short it was, but on the inside we all know what she was really thinking. (i'm just assuming something bad.) The wedding was by far the low point of the evening. Next up, the reception!
There were too many great things that happened at the reception so ill just kinda randomly write them down in paragraphs as i think of them:
Hmmmmm...where should I start, oh i know, MARK!
A short while after we got there and the drinks started flowing like water off of Marks pants he asks me if he thinks my parents will mind if he drinks "a little" i said dont worry about them, and aparently he took my advice. I had somwhere around 7 beers the whole time i was there, Mark must of had at least 12, prolly more like 16. This drinking led to the following events that have put Mark at the very top of "Aunt Bev's List of Cousins who are trying to corrupt my wonderful innoncent children."
Event #1
Mark gets confronted by Grandma about his age,(due to his drinking) he mumbles somthing like "what?...Me?..Im old enu..almost...my birt is like...im almost old..my birtday...like less than a year...well and a half..but um..yeah." I thought it was funny how an almost 80? year old lady can scare a teenager into an intense panic with just one question.
Event #2
Finally, Brian's girlfriend, Kelly?, gets a water so we can dumb it on Mark. Mark is looking forward to this because of his stain defender pants which makes water bead up and run right off the pants, It is the greatest thing to happen to pants since pockets. We did this several times and as the night went on longer and more beer was consumed it happend much more often, mostly by mark dumping stuff on himself, but it never ceased to attract a crowd. It might have been Amy and Jaspers reception but Mark was the Star!
Event #3 through #94
Mark gets pretty drunk and starts asking everyone if he "made an ass of himself" because he was up dancing and having a good time. Everyone in the building told him that he wasn't making an ass of himself because he wasnt, he WAS being cool about it. However, because he asked so many people the same question so many times I think he may have "made an ass of himself" by asking everyone if he "made and ass of himself." I got asked at least 5 times in the last few minutes we were there and i heard him ask other people numerous times.
Event #95 through #98
This is a series of events that took place and each one just gets more fun, and its all because of Uncle Joe.
Uncle Joe decides to ask the DJ, (who thinks he's Adam Sandler in the "wedding singer".) to play "Hey Mickie." so that we can all go out and dance with Aunt Mickie. Well, me and Melissa get together and decide rather than dancing with her we will form a circle around her and do various things like clap and my personal favorite the "double point"(i was so disappointed when we didnt do it.) Anyway, Melissa and I go and try to explain to Mark what we are going to do when the song comes on, but he is too drunk to understand and keeps calling me Jason and then eventually starts calling me "beerme." Finally, after we ask the DJ(who loves willie nelson, he played 4 of his songs) again (hes a dumbass although i do give him cool points for singling out Michelle and Melissa for going to the food line early.)to play the song he does and then the fun begins. Instead of just standing around and pointing and stuff at Aunt Mickie we decide to run around in circles around her and switch directions back and forth all the time. I can only imagine how horrible it was for Mark at this point, the look on his face was incredible, his expression on his face was something like "what the hell is going on and oh shit im gonna throw up." The only thing he said during this whole song was "Look, im gonna throw up on two cousins at once!." Going to the wedding: $15 in gas Price of beer: Free Look on marks face: Priceless
The last Mark event (that i was around for) Event #99
It is the end of the night and Mark thinks that no adults other than his mom realize that he's drunk, then just before they're ready to go Aunt Sue and his mom start talking really loud by Grandma and Grandpa and prolly loud enough for everyone to hear and say, "Mark Your Not Driving, YOUR TOO DRUNK...You Let Your Sister Drive You Home Cause YOUR TOO DRUNK!...You Go And Sleep on Your Sisters Couch because YOUR TOO DRUNK!" I think that particular dialouge is what cememnted his place on top of "Aunt Bev's List" because before that i think my mom knew he was drinking but i dont think she knew how much. Mark must of felt like such an asshole as all of his family members sat there and listened as his mom talked about how drunk he was. He just sat on a table and looked at the floor, it was great. His whole cover was blown.
Okay, i think that pretty much wraps up Marks evening from my perspective, but there is still plenty more to go.
One of the funniest visual things of the night was Grandma leaning against the bar like she owned the place. Me,Bobbi, Justin and Melissa are sitting at a table and look over at the bar and the only person at the bar is Grandma. She's leaning on the bar with one elbow, and has her other arm off to her side just standing there scanning the crowd, it looked like she was trying to "put out the vibe." Melissa got a picture, i hope it turns out good.
No talk about Grandman would be complete unless you talk about Grandpa, really the only funny things i can remember him doing is trying to dance to some new rap song and when i asked him if he was alright to drive because it was so far past his bed time he looked at me like i was stupid and said, "Hell Ya Im alright!, I've only had one beer, Man I tell you what, I used to raise all sorts a hell, you better believe that!" then he walked away. Its a good thing he did too bacause i stood there is shock for a second and then started laughing my ass off. Aparently, he thought that i thought he was drunk, but i just said that cause he looked tired. That is a memory of him i will have forever.
Uncle Joe paid me 5 bucks to go dance with Bobbi, i was gonna do it anyhow, but if he was gonna pay me 5 bucks to do it i might as well take anything i can get. I later did give the money back because i told her about it, she was a little mad, but only play mad, nothing serious. I wasn't dancing with her at the time because Cousin Pat was too busy cuttin' a rug with her, i didnt want to cut in.
I just remembered two more funny things about grandpa, at the wedding as it was starting and the first people were walking down the aisle he was talking about he red wings game real loud to some guy, then after he realized what was going on he stopped talking about the red wings and started making comments about everyone walking down the aisle, he was like, "oh boy, hes a big guy, look at that beard." Grandma turned around and yelled at him to shut up and he did. Also right after the wedding he pointed to John and said, "you see that guy right there, he;s gonna be your new uncle, yup thats John, he's gonna marry Melissa and be your new uncle." I just looked at him and said, "oh okay." he was a little confused, actually alot confused, he made a totally wrong staement. John is marrying Michelle(not melissa) and will be a cousin to me(not an uncle).
But Grandpa's mistake is nothing when compared to mine. I like to call this "Hey! I know your right there but i must have absolutely no conscience because i'm gonna make fun of you right in front of your face because i dont care about your feelings statement."
Shortly after i get to the reception, Cosuin Sara (h?) tells me that some moron took her on a date to the movies to see "Special Agent Cody Banks" because he heard that "it was good." I think i know some 10 year olds who are too old for that movie. And the moron that took her to the movie is here at the reception. He is at the reception because he is Aunt Sues boss's friends bastard step child from canada (or something like that) and to complicat things more his name is Pat, just like Cosuin Pat, I will refeer to the non Cosuin Pat as Cody Banks from now on. ( he does look like a cody.) Anyhow, i go fine almost the whole night without saying anything stupid to him or mean to him, even after he tells me that he liked the movie they saw and that he is a fan of Techno music (HOW can you NOT make fun of somebody like that?) dont get me wrong, he is a nice enough guy, he just need to kill himself and start over.(ouch, thats a little harsh, he needs to grow up basicaly.) Then, mere minutes before we leave someone makes a comment about how bouncy Aunt Mickie is and that leads me to say "uhh yeah shes like tigger." (yeah, i know, stupid.) and then i say (cause i know melissa likes tigger.) "yeah, you know he has a new movie coming out." and melissa says, "no, its called Piglets big movie. But tiggers in it." And i Jump in with a big smile on my face and say "Hey! That can be your guys next movie you see together!!" with Cody Banks, Sara, Bobbi, Justin, Melissa and Mark all standing right there. As soon as i say it i knew i screwed up big, i wanted to just disappear. I didnt know cody banks was there, or else i never would of never said it, honestly. I just look down and tell Bobbi that i like her shoes to cover up my laughing, Melissa leaves and goes and sits down and starts crying she is laughing so hard, and justin and mark just look at me like im dumber than them (which hurts). I feel so bad and after cody leaves i apologize to sara like a million times for saying that. I was number one cousin on her list too because i danced with her earlier to get her away from cody and then gave up my seat so she could sit farther away from him and therefore i had to sit next to him and listen to his mindless drivel. eh..what can you do? Good times!
Just a few more qucik notes before i go.
Mike, Brandon Solak gave you up, we all know, your new GIRLFRIENDS name is Elena "the German"! we will know more about her than you do shortly, aunts have a way of finding that shit out.
Steve,(a.k.a. Melissa Boyfriend) WOW, way to go, scared to meet the family ey, sounds more like your scared of commitment to me!!!Melissa watch out for this guy, he seems like a real schister to me. (Just kidding, but seriously, if the aunts dont get to run you threw the questionaire gauntlet pretty soon your name will be mud, or worse!! ooohhhhhh, scary. BOOO! gotcha) Plus, Melissa was eyeing the cowboy up at the reception, i think i heard her whisper something to her sister like "I wish i was his horse so he could ride me hard all day long."
and last and least, Uncle Joe thinks i'm a cowboy because i have a nasty thing going on with the corner of one of my lips, i dont understand it either, but Brian agrees with him. Okay i hope i didnt foget anything although i'm sure i did.
First things first, there was a wedding, Amy and Jasper got married, (my dad finally figured out that Jasper is not their dog.) it lasted 12 minutes, my mom timed it and later said she liked how short it was, but on the inside we all know what she was really thinking. (i'm just assuming something bad.) The wedding was by far the low point of the evening. Next up, the reception!
There were too many great things that happened at the reception so ill just kinda randomly write them down in paragraphs as i think of them:
Hmmmmm...where should I start, oh i know, MARK!
A short while after we got there and the drinks started flowing like water off of Marks pants he asks me if he thinks my parents will mind if he drinks "a little" i said dont worry about them, and aparently he took my advice. I had somwhere around 7 beers the whole time i was there, Mark must of had at least 12, prolly more like 16. This drinking led to the following events that have put Mark at the very top of "Aunt Bev's List of Cousins who are trying to corrupt my wonderful innoncent children."
Event #1
Mark gets confronted by Grandma about his age,(due to his drinking) he mumbles somthing like "what?...Me?..Im old enu..almost...my birt is like...im almost old..my birtday...like less than a year...well and a half..but um..yeah." I thought it was funny how an almost 80? year old lady can scare a teenager into an intense panic with just one question.
Event #2
Finally, Brian's girlfriend, Kelly?, gets a water so we can dumb it on Mark. Mark is looking forward to this because of his stain defender pants which makes water bead up and run right off the pants, It is the greatest thing to happen to pants since pockets. We did this several times and as the night went on longer and more beer was consumed it happend much more often, mostly by mark dumping stuff on himself, but it never ceased to attract a crowd. It might have been Amy and Jaspers reception but Mark was the Star!
Event #3 through #94
Mark gets pretty drunk and starts asking everyone if he "made an ass of himself" because he was up dancing and having a good time. Everyone in the building told him that he wasn't making an ass of himself because he wasnt, he WAS being cool about it. However, because he asked so many people the same question so many times I think he may have "made an ass of himself" by asking everyone if he "made and ass of himself." I got asked at least 5 times in the last few minutes we were there and i heard him ask other people numerous times.
Event #95 through #98
This is a series of events that took place and each one just gets more fun, and its all because of Uncle Joe.
Uncle Joe decides to ask the DJ, (who thinks he's Adam Sandler in the "wedding singer".) to play "Hey Mickie." so that we can all go out and dance with Aunt Mickie. Well, me and Melissa get together and decide rather than dancing with her we will form a circle around her and do various things like clap and my personal favorite the "double point"(i was so disappointed when we didnt do it.) Anyway, Melissa and I go and try to explain to Mark what we are going to do when the song comes on, but he is too drunk to understand and keeps calling me Jason and then eventually starts calling me "beerme." Finally, after we ask the DJ(who loves willie nelson, he played 4 of his songs) again (hes a dumbass although i do give him cool points for singling out Michelle and Melissa for going to the food line early.)to play the song he does and then the fun begins. Instead of just standing around and pointing and stuff at Aunt Mickie we decide to run around in circles around her and switch directions back and forth all the time. I can only imagine how horrible it was for Mark at this point, the look on his face was incredible, his expression on his face was something like "what the hell is going on and oh shit im gonna throw up." The only thing he said during this whole song was "Look, im gonna throw up on two cousins at once!." Going to the wedding: $15 in gas Price of beer: Free Look on marks face: Priceless
The last Mark event (that i was around for) Event #99
It is the end of the night and Mark thinks that no adults other than his mom realize that he's drunk, then just before they're ready to go Aunt Sue and his mom start talking really loud by Grandma and Grandpa and prolly loud enough for everyone to hear and say, "Mark Your Not Driving, YOUR TOO DRUNK...You Let Your Sister Drive You Home Cause YOUR TOO DRUNK!...You Go And Sleep on Your Sisters Couch because YOUR TOO DRUNK!" I think that particular dialouge is what cememnted his place on top of "Aunt Bev's List" because before that i think my mom knew he was drinking but i dont think she knew how much. Mark must of felt like such an asshole as all of his family members sat there and listened as his mom talked about how drunk he was. He just sat on a table and looked at the floor, it was great. His whole cover was blown.
Okay, i think that pretty much wraps up Marks evening from my perspective, but there is still plenty more to go.
One of the funniest visual things of the night was Grandma leaning against the bar like she owned the place. Me,Bobbi, Justin and Melissa are sitting at a table and look over at the bar and the only person at the bar is Grandma. She's leaning on the bar with one elbow, and has her other arm off to her side just standing there scanning the crowd, it looked like she was trying to "put out the vibe." Melissa got a picture, i hope it turns out good.
No talk about Grandman would be complete unless you talk about Grandpa, really the only funny things i can remember him doing is trying to dance to some new rap song and when i asked him if he was alright to drive because it was so far past his bed time he looked at me like i was stupid and said, "Hell Ya Im alright!, I've only had one beer, Man I tell you what, I used to raise all sorts a hell, you better believe that!" then he walked away. Its a good thing he did too bacause i stood there is shock for a second and then started laughing my ass off. Aparently, he thought that i thought he was drunk, but i just said that cause he looked tired. That is a memory of him i will have forever.
Uncle Joe paid me 5 bucks to go dance with Bobbi, i was gonna do it anyhow, but if he was gonna pay me 5 bucks to do it i might as well take anything i can get. I later did give the money back because i told her about it, she was a little mad, but only play mad, nothing serious. I wasn't dancing with her at the time because Cousin Pat was too busy cuttin' a rug with her, i didnt want to cut in.
I just remembered two more funny things about grandpa, at the wedding as it was starting and the first people were walking down the aisle he was talking about he red wings game real loud to some guy, then after he realized what was going on he stopped talking about the red wings and started making comments about everyone walking down the aisle, he was like, "oh boy, hes a big guy, look at that beard." Grandma turned around and yelled at him to shut up and he did. Also right after the wedding he pointed to John and said, "you see that guy right there, he;s gonna be your new uncle, yup thats John, he's gonna marry Melissa and be your new uncle." I just looked at him and said, "oh okay." he was a little confused, actually alot confused, he made a totally wrong staement. John is marrying Michelle(not melissa) and will be a cousin to me(not an uncle).
But Grandpa's mistake is nothing when compared to mine. I like to call this "Hey! I know your right there but i must have absolutely no conscience because i'm gonna make fun of you right in front of your face because i dont care about your feelings statement."
Shortly after i get to the reception, Cosuin Sara (h?) tells me that some moron took her on a date to the movies to see "Special Agent Cody Banks" because he heard that "it was good." I think i know some 10 year olds who are too old for that movie. And the moron that took her to the movie is here at the reception. He is at the reception because he is Aunt Sues boss's friends bastard step child from canada (or something like that) and to complicat things more his name is Pat, just like Cosuin Pat, I will refeer to the non Cosuin Pat as Cody Banks from now on. ( he does look like a cody.) Anyhow, i go fine almost the whole night without saying anything stupid to him or mean to him, even after he tells me that he liked the movie they saw and that he is a fan of Techno music (HOW can you NOT make fun of somebody like that?) dont get me wrong, he is a nice enough guy, he just need to kill himself and start over.(ouch, thats a little harsh, he needs to grow up basicaly.) Then, mere minutes before we leave someone makes a comment about how bouncy Aunt Mickie is and that leads me to say "uhh yeah shes like tigger." (yeah, i know, stupid.) and then i say (cause i know melissa likes tigger.) "yeah, you know he has a new movie coming out." and melissa says, "no, its called Piglets big movie. But tiggers in it." And i Jump in with a big smile on my face and say "Hey! That can be your guys next movie you see together!!" with Cody Banks, Sara, Bobbi, Justin, Melissa and Mark all standing right there. As soon as i say it i knew i screwed up big, i wanted to just disappear. I didnt know cody banks was there, or else i never would of never said it, honestly. I just look down and tell Bobbi that i like her shoes to cover up my laughing, Melissa leaves and goes and sits down and starts crying she is laughing so hard, and justin and mark just look at me like im dumber than them (which hurts). I feel so bad and after cody leaves i apologize to sara like a million times for saying that. I was number one cousin on her list too because i danced with her earlier to get her away from cody and then gave up my seat so she could sit farther away from him and therefore i had to sit next to him and listen to his mindless drivel. eh..what can you do? Good times!
Just a few more qucik notes before i go.
Mike, Brandon Solak gave you up, we all know, your new GIRLFRIENDS name is Elena "the German"! we will know more about her than you do shortly, aunts have a way of finding that shit out.
Steve,(a.k.a. Melissa Boyfriend) WOW, way to go, scared to meet the family ey, sounds more like your scared of commitment to me!!!Melissa watch out for this guy, he seems like a real schister to me. (Just kidding, but seriously, if the aunts dont get to run you threw the questionaire gauntlet pretty soon your name will be mud, or worse!! ooohhhhhh, scary. BOOO! gotcha) Plus, Melissa was eyeing the cowboy up at the reception, i think i heard her whisper something to her sister like "I wish i was his horse so he could ride me hard all day long."
and last and least, Uncle Joe thinks i'm a cowboy because i have a nasty thing going on with the corner of one of my lips, i dont understand it either, but Brian agrees with him. Okay i hope i didnt foget anything although i'm sure i did.