Forgive me, Austen, for I Have Sinned
Ninety seven percent of straight women in England name Mr. Darcy as the ideal man. This is an entirely made-up number, but there are dozens of articles and polls floating around which claim similarly vast numbers of British women want to date Mr. Darcy more than any other fictional character, fell in love with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, see him as the perfect husband, etc. I assert that my claim is the most accurate, as it admits to other orientations and actually specifies that the women in question are straight. Besides, I never allow statistics to prove anything. Large numbers of straight American women also find Mr. Darcy incredibly sexy, but proportionally less than British women. This odd statistical variance can be accounted for by the fact that the 1990's BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth was more widely viewed in its country of origin than in the States.
Colin Firth, British actor extraordinaire, is largely accredited with infusing the written Mr. Darcy on-screen sex appeal. Indeed, his brooding stare, the barely restrained passion in his voice, and his rarely bestowed but brightly lit smiles do an admiral job of providing Mr. Darcy with a delicious presence in our visually-oriented world. And since his portrayal of the classic romantic hero, dozens of books have been written about women who have trouble finding real, worthwhile men in face of their preoccupation with the idealized Mr. Darcy. Well, there at least have been four that I've read (Bridget Jones's Diary, The Edge of Reason, Austenland, and Me and Mr. Darcy), so I'm extrapolating that there must really be dozens. So based on the four that I've read (two of which became movies) and my consequent extrapolation of dozens, I feel justified in saying... Pop culture and real life are full of representations of women absolutely obsessed with Mr. Darcy - particularly when Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy enters the screen in breeches and a billowing, soaked undershirt in the infamous "wet shirt scene" (not, incidentally, included in the original Austen).
I must admit, I am not one of them.
Mr. Darcy is not my favorite Austen hero. And you know what? I don't even think Colin Firth is all that attractive as Mr. Darcy. There's just something in his eyes....or really, something missing from his eyes. They're just plain dull in that movie. Darcy is totally lacking in a sense of humor. Elizabeth only predicts that she can teach him about humor after they're married. Now, please tell me, when it's widely reported by articles and polls (ones I'm even more ambiguous about than the ones saying straight women love Mr. Darcy) that the number one quality that women seek in a mate is "sense of humor," that the humorless Mr. Darcy is so widely revered?
Personally, I think that it's because he's rather vaguely drawn, so we can take all his nobility, gallantry, and general gentlemanliness and fill it in with anything we imagine that we want him to be. He's Everywoman's Ideal Man, because he can be anyone we want him to be.
Kind of like the Pretender.
So who do I like best? Mr. Knightly is scary, man, scary! He falls in love with a girl he's known since he was a teen and she was a baby after he's spent her entire life berating her. Edmund is a prick. Hands down. Edward has absolutely no personality. Colonel Brandon is tolerable, I suppose, but not lively enough to tempt me. Bingley lacks substance and, well, balls. Captain Wentworth is also kinda bland.
And the winner is....
Henry Tilney! A man who can laugh and thinks well enough of women to tease them about learning, prompting, in turn, learning...and yet who is lovably imperfect. And there's more to that, but now I'm bored.
Goodbye.