Long Overdue Update.
Not doing well.
Two days before Thanksgiving, I will have a phone hearing with social security, as part of the appeal process. They've been trying to stop my SSI, claiming I'm not crazy enough to have it anymore. I mean, sure, I'm not in and out of the hospital all the time anymore, and I haven't cut or burned myself in 11 years. But I'm still a mess, and if anything, my anxiety is worse now than it was when I initially got SSI.
I had a pap smear, and it was horribly triggering, so I keep having rape flashbacks, keep seeing a face in my head that I don't want to remember.
I have a lump in my right breast. My doctor thinks it's probably just a ligament that's somehow sticking out a little, but I've been referred for a mammogram next week. I've never had a mammogram before. They said they will do a mammogram of both breasts, and an ultrasound of the right breast.
My mom has been kicked out of her apartment for various reasons. She's pretty much definitely going to live out the rest of her days in the nursing home where she's been for the past year. I'm glad. I hate her. I had to go to her apartment and sort through her hoard to make sure family photos, keepsakes, etc were properly packed away for storage. I found all these poems and crap that I wrote for my parents as a kid, as well as emails back and forth between my dad and me, and the whole thing was just very upsetting and triggered all sorts of feelings from childhood. My childhood was not great, to put it mildly.
My cat Josephine (named after the empress) has been having accidents all over the house, including some that seem to have blood and mucus in the stool. Then, Friday night, she seemed to have had some sort of seizure. I'm taking her to the vet today. I'm terrified. I just keep praying that it will be something easily treated, and that it won't be beyond my budget to treat it.
There's a lot more I could update, but I'm already overwhelmed.
Two days before Thanksgiving, I will have a phone hearing with social security, as part of the appeal process. They've been trying to stop my SSI, claiming I'm not crazy enough to have it anymore. I mean, sure, I'm not in and out of the hospital all the time anymore, and I haven't cut or burned myself in 11 years. But I'm still a mess, and if anything, my anxiety is worse now than it was when I initially got SSI.
I had a pap smear, and it was horribly triggering, so I keep having rape flashbacks, keep seeing a face in my head that I don't want to remember.
I have a lump in my right breast. My doctor thinks it's probably just a ligament that's somehow sticking out a little, but I've been referred for a mammogram next week. I've never had a mammogram before. They said they will do a mammogram of both breasts, and an ultrasound of the right breast.
My mom has been kicked out of her apartment for various reasons. She's pretty much definitely going to live out the rest of her days in the nursing home where she's been for the past year. I'm glad. I hate her. I had to go to her apartment and sort through her hoard to make sure family photos, keepsakes, etc were properly packed away for storage. I found all these poems and crap that I wrote for my parents as a kid, as well as emails back and forth between my dad and me, and the whole thing was just very upsetting and triggered all sorts of feelings from childhood. My childhood was not great, to put it mildly.
My cat Josephine (named after the empress) has been having accidents all over the house, including some that seem to have blood and mucus in the stool. Then, Friday night, she seemed to have had some sort of seizure. I'm taking her to the vet today. I'm terrified. I just keep praying that it will be something easily treated, and that it won't be beyond my budget to treat it.
There's a lot more I could update, but I'm already overwhelmed.