Moving to a New Apartment: A Special Way to Celebrate Samhain.
As I've posted before, I am moving to a new apartment (near downtown) at the end of this month. Things are moving along quite smoothly, so far: I've reserved a moving van, started accumulating boxes, paid the first portion of my deposit, turned in my Section 8 voucher paperwork, etc.
Halloween is my favorite holiday. Normally, at the end of October, I host a small Halloween party for my tiny group of friends. Last year, I had a massive veggie tray, a costume contest with prizes, and an insane amount of decorations. This year, that won't be possible. I've reserved the moving van from October 30 to November 1 (my move-out date is October 31, and my move-in date is November 1). There will still be a tiny Halloween get-together, but it will be at my girlfriend's apartment. People will still be encouraged to wear costumes, and my girlfriend and I are using my Halloween stuff to decorate her apartment.
I've felt kind of bitter about the fact that I can't celebrate Halloween the way I normally do. I haven't even felt much of the Halloween spirit, since I'm not decorating my apartment at all this year (there's no point to decorating it, because I'm starting to pack everything up tomorrow). So, to try to put myself into the Halloween spirit, I put together a Halloween layout for my MySpace page, including a music playlist for MySpace which includes only my favorite spooky autumnal songs.
But, then, I started thinking about stuff on a deeper, more spiritual level. I am Wiccan. In Wicca, Halloween is referred to as Samhain, and it is sort of the Witches' New Year.
So, really, what could be more appropriate for the Samhain "New Year" than moving to a new apartment? A new beginning, the potential to leave behind some negative energy.
I've never believed in "relocation cures;" that is the realm of my mother. But, the fact is, I do believe in negative energy, and I do feel that there is negative energy built up in my current apartment. Yes, I have had many happy memories here, but I also have many negative memories of this apartment. Memories of fratboys in this neighborhood who mocked me, memories of a landlord who refused to make necessary repairs to keep this apartment up to proper city code, memories of my dog being viciously attacked by an aggressive and unleashed dog. Not to mention, memories of myself, bleeding profusely; memories of coming home after the hospital, using peroxide to clean the blood out of the carpet. I couldn't get up all the stains; I will be happy to leave this carpet behind, because many of the stains hold painful memories.
I'm not delusional; I know I cannot move away from myself. I will be taking my issues with me; the emotional garbage that has led to self-injury so many times is not easily left behind. But, the fact that I have been making healthier choices since July is certainly a reason for hope (reading more, writing more, exercising, being gentle with myself when I feel empty or sad, etc). Because I've already been making strides in the right direction, I think that it is okay for me to find hope, to see a new beginning, in the fact that I am moving to a new apartment.
So, I no longer feel bitter about the fact that I cannot decorate my apartment with spooky decorations for Halloween. Instead, I think that my new apartment, my opportunity for a new beginning, is perhaps the most appropriate way I could ever celebrate the Wiccan New Year.
My hope for this year's Samhain is that I will continue to make healthy strides toward recovery, safety, and my various life goals. I pray that I will make the correct choices, and that I will find some semblance of contentment in my new apartment.