the big 3-oh!!

[phaballa]

It's the day before my birthday, which means it is LANCEFACE's birthday!!! Usually I would offer Lance ficlets, but since I am still working on Time Stamps and the JuC Wedding Fic o' Doom and also reading pensnest's bittybang, I think I have enough on my plate. Like Harry Potter. Life is hard, you guys. So hard

Comments

[proudhebrew]

This is wonderful. So much Lance! And ~conspiracies~.

I have my very own similar/add-on theories to go with these pictures and those other guys who I used to not lovehate.

JC/Lance - Lance is the reason JC refuses to think about an *NSYNC reunion. Nobody wants to face their happily out, happily slutty, happily happy ex-boyfriend on a regular basis, right? Nope. JC is drowning his sorrows in sparkles and manly looking women, while convincing himself of his straightness by using words and phrases such as "mami" and "I like women."

Justin/Lance - Bitch fight started logically enough. Lance was feeling ignored, came out, stole Justin's thunder, made Justin talk about him on national television and radio for a year, etc. But now Justin is just jealous that Lance has an assortment of hot men to pick from at any given time. Bitch fight will continue until Justin gives in and demands hot wild marathon sex with Lance. (In front of a well-placed camera, of course.)

It all seems perfectly logical to me.

[phaballa]

Ahaha omg. YESYESYES. I approve your theories! Especially the JC one. I mean, the Justin one is less of a theory and more scientific fact, so.

OMG JC's manly ladies. I love it. Llama and I have a theory that JC makes them wear bags over their heads. And when they get offended, he's like, "But it's a recycled bag! It used to be plastic bottles! So you're, like, totally saving the environment, mami." What they don't know is that JC has had Lance's face embossed on his head-bags.

Okay, now I am just getting creepy :P

[proudhebrew]

The Justin one is a fact, you are right. It's so incredibly obvious. The best part about their bitch fight is that you can tell Justin is all "...but I love him." Because you know how Lance was all "I've told everyone but Justin" in his coming out interview? Justin went on Leno soon after that (and I recently watched this segment again, randomly) and was all "Lance called me! TOTALLY!" We may never know the bitchy truth...

And lmaoooo. I believe it. I'm pretty sure he has to have them sign nondisclosure agreements when he accidentally shouts Lance's name out.

[phaballa]

Oh, JC is such an anal asshole, I bet he has everyone he sleeps with sign a nondisclosure regardless. But that's another very good reason :P

I know, Justin TOTALLY LIED on Leno! He totally wanted to make it seem like he and Lance were BFF. So random. I always wondered about that lie. I kind of think he started telling it because he realized no one cared that Lance was gay and so it wouldn't hurt his album sales to be associated with the gay. Not that I think Justin is a bad person but... he knows his bottom line.

[proudhebrew]

I just don't get WHY he lied. Like, if nothing else, he could have said "He probably didn't have time to get in touch with me beforehand, but I called him and blah blah blah." Like if anything, Lance would have benefited from saying he'd already been in contact with his BFF4lyfe Justin Timberlake. Lance is a compulsive liar, but I think Justin stole the title for a brief moment on this one. I don't get it.

Justin is a business person, first and foremost. You can say it!

I think his priorities are set like this:

Mommy--->Mommy--->Me--->Business---->Mommy--->Others Exist?--->Oh yes, them too--->Me (and so on)

[phaballa]

OMG. Those are SO Justin's priorities. There are some things I admire about Justin, but not the way he treats other people and NOT the way he lets Johnny convince him to fuck people over. So yeah, I always kind of thought Justin waited to say that he knew about Lance beforehand until it was advantageous to Justin. I think he and Lance probably agreed that it would be best for his album if Justin pretended like he didn't know, but acted just supportive enough and mostly like it wasn't a big deal. And then once it became clear that people overwhelmingly supported Lance being gay and all, Justin could jump on that bandwagon and be like, "Of course I knew, Lance is my bff

[proudhebrew]

It's hard to keep track of his stories (kind of like how *NSYNC got together?) but I know in some interviews he was like "Don't think I didn't know!" and in others he was like "Well, it was never discussed," and with Leno he was all "OMG Yes, we talked, hugged, and had a pillow fight and then stayed up the whole night giggling while we watched Mean Girls together."

The way the others reacted was all so them. JC was philosophical about family, Joey used puns, Chris compared his coming out to Samuel L Jackson announcing his blackness, and Justin...lied. Kind of.

What sucks is that assuming he comes to his senses one day, he's going to have a shitload of regrets. I know I would if I were him.

[phaballa]

I think half my fic is about all of Justin's regrets :P I mean partly I don't think that what he DID was so bad. But the way he did it, screwing over the rest of them in the process? That was awful. When he and JC were fighting, I think he regretted it then. But now that JC will talk to him again, Justin's all, "Ladida, everything is awesome." He needs to fail at something that really matters to him. I think that will teach him an important lesson about how he isn't the center of the world. Ahem. Not that I have strong opinions on the matter or anything!

Someday, I would like to know why Justin lied. If it was just as superficial as worrying about album sales being affected, or if he had a real reason.

[proudhebrew]

I think Justin already fails at relationships. But maybe that's just not very important to him yet.

I don't know. My initial thought when he said that on Leno was maybe like, Lance had mentioned to him a whileeeeee back that eventually he'd probably be announcing something (I'd assume he was drunk and emotional and not even sure who he was speaking to) and Justin has no concept of time. That, or he was just embarrassed that Lance had all but outed their non-relationship to the world and felt like an asshole and needed to make something up to feel better about himself.

[phaballa]

I kind of think it was the second of those two options. Lance didn't seem very concerned with making Justin look good :P I think, you know... Lance was pretty hurt by Justin trying to shift blame onto him for nsync breaking up, and I think Lance had a little revenge by making Justin look like the shitty friend he is.

[proudhebrew]

Dude, that was so the shittiest thing ever. I almost forgot about that part! Mental block.

And ya know, Lance is probably the kind of person who blames everything from global warming to unrest in the middle east on himself. So to try to blame him for the group disbanding, when he had to have known how Lance would take that--it's just wrong. It's like kicking a puppy. A Lance puppy.

[phaballa]

YES. Because Lance wants the group back together more than anything, so Justin trying to blame him was SUCH a shitty move.

[proudhebrew]

Exactly. And you know Lance spent the next few months going, "STUPID LANCE! STUPID SELF/WORLD DESTRUCTIVE LANCE!"

Seriously. :(