Ficlet: JC Gets Lanced, Sort Of | popslash
JC Gets Lanced, Sort Of
Fandom: popslash
Rating: Adultish
Comments: Written because yes. Because I keep wondering what Lance thinks of all the OMG JC IS GAY rumors, and so I decided to write a little something-something about that.
The thing about Lance is, he's really needy. JC has never just come out and told him that because JC doesn't like to be rude and he doesn't want to make Lance cry, but in the past year or so, the whole neediness thing has really become an issue.
When it started, JC thought it was actually kind of cute. Lance would call him up and say in his best reprimanding school teacher voice, "JC, is there something you maybe want to tell me?" The first time it happened, JC thought it might be some sort of kinky phone sex thing, which he'd never really done with Lance before (or well, not when Lance was actually aware of it) but he figured Justin couldn't keep a secret to save his life so Lance probably heard about how JC helped Justin out sometimes when he was on the road and was maybe feeling a bit lonely and wanted in on JC's little phone sex service.
"Oh, um, sure," JC said, and shoved his hand down his pants. "Because, see, the other day I was with this really hot mami, you know, just this really hot girl with the best tits ever and-"
"Wow, okay. Overcompensation," Lance said. "I guess the answer is no, then" and hung up. JC frowned at the phone and tossed it aside, shrugged, and kept stroking his dick, because now that he was hard, he wasn't going to waste it. Lance was so weird sometimes.
*
The next time it happened-Lance calling, not the phone sex thing-JC knew that Lance didn't want to hear about any of the hot mamis he'd hooked up with recently, but he still wasn't exactly clear on what Lance meant. "So, JC. Is there something you maybe want to tell me?" Lance said, and JC tried really hard to think of anything he might be missing that he really needed to tell Lance, but nothing really struck him except-
"Oh, actually, um, there's this thing! This really exciting thing!"
"Oh." Lance sounded surprised. "Um, okay. Really?"
"Yeah! It's like, I read this totally awesome article in last month's Scientific American, maybe you've already seen it if you still have your subscription but like, dude, it was so cool. There was this asteroid, did you hear about that? This huge fucking asteroid that like, totally smashed a car flat and then the guy couldn't get his insurance to cover it because, you know, I guess Geiko doesn't cover asteroid damage or whatever, but it was really-"
JC heard the loud click of Lance hanging up on him. Huh. Maybe Lance had already heard about the asteroid after all, but he didn't have to be so rude about it. Lance was such a jerk sometimes.
*
By the third time, JC was getting used to Lance's calls and had stories all prepared for when Lance called, because he was starting to get the feeling that Lance was maybe angry at him about something, but he couldn't figure out what and when he asked Joey, Joey just shrugged and said, "Dude, I try to stay out of your lover's spats" which was a pretty weird thing for Joey to say, since JC was pretty sure he and Lance had never fucked, unless you counted the almost phone sex. JC didn't, because he preferred more actual fucking involved in, um, fucking. But then, Joey was married now so probably he counted intense hugging as sex. Kelly got a lot of headaches.
So anyway, by the third time Lance called to ask, "So, JC, is there maybe something you want to tell me?" JC was all prepared.
"Man, yes! You'll never believe what Justin told me about Jessica Biel! Because I just thought she was like, sort of manly before but you know how I kind of like that so I never really thought it was anything else but then-"
"She's a lesbian, I know."
"Oh. Well, um. Then I guess I don't have anything to tell you." JC was really disappointed. He thought for sure that would satisfy Lance one and for all. Lance was gay, after all, and gay men loved gossip.
"I'm really disappointed in you, JC," Lance said, and hung up on him. Again. Which wasn't very nice, JC thought, and made JC really sad, especially after he'd worked so hard to find a topic of discussion he thought Lance would really appreciate, being a gossip-mongering gay man and having that grudge against Justin for ending the band and all. JC sighed. Lance could be difficult, sometimes.
*
The next time Lance called, two weeks later, JC was still feeling hurt and sad from his lesbian gossip being rejected, plus his new BFF (Chace, with whom he had bonded so nicely over the last few months due to similar names and a love of fashion, plus commiserating over how people always think they're gay because of how pretty they are) had stopped returning his calls. So it was already a shitty week and then Lance called all, "JC, is there something you maybe want to tell me?" and JC hated being mean but frankly, he was sick of the question and how Lance never wanted to have phone sex so he just said, "I am way too busy and important for these stupid games, Lance, so why don't you just tell me what the fuck it is you want me to say?"
Lance sniffed. "Oh," he said. "Um. Well, sorry. I mean, I am calling all the way from Australia and everything but, you know, if you're too busy and important to talk to one of your oldest and best friends then I guess-"
"No, no," JC said. He was already feeling guilty. JC was no good at staying mad, especially not at Lance, who already had to deal with so much shit, like horrible starfucker boyfriends. If he could've only been like JC and just slut around a lot instead of being in relationships, JC was pretty sure Lance's life would be way better. "I'm sorry, Lance. It's just, lots of stuff is happening right now and I didn't mean to take it out on you. I, well. How's Australia? How's that guy you're seeing?"
"Oh, we broke up," Lance said. He sounded sad again. "But I got to see a kangaroo and pet a snake, so that was pretty cool."
"Oh dude, that reminds me! I do have something to tell you!"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah! Like, the other day, you won't even believe this, but I was at the cabana at the Roosevelt, you know? And there was this huge fucking snake, right in the cabana! Luckily it wasn't like, poisonous or anything though, and I got to hold it and stroke it and everything before the animal control people came to take it away."
"I bet you did," Lance said, and coughed. His voice sounded kind of funny, like he was running a race, all out of breath and low and-oh. Oh, thought JC. Lance only sounded like that when he was all turned on, usually about rockets, but sometimes about guys, and, JC guessed, now about snakes. Lance was such a freak sometimes.
*
So Lance is pretty needy with his weird phone call habits that haven't, so far, ever involved some good old-fashioned phone sex, which is actually really a shame because Lance has a much better voice for it than Justin does, and also, Justin likes for JC to call him 'mami' and pretend like Justin is one of his girls, which is even a little freaky for JC, although Justin kind of sounds like a girl when he gets excited, so the illusion isn't really that hard for JC to maintain.
But anyway, Lance, he's needy. His calls have gotten more and more frequent over the last month, and this time when JC answers the phone, he really is out of random shit to tell Lance. He already told him the asteroid story and the snake story, plus his entire philosophy about why Obama is awesome and it's totally feminist to vote for him even though Clinton is technically the lady candidate, and he even tried to tell Lance about Justin's mami thing, but Lance hung up on him that time, so that definitely wasn't what Lance wanted to hear.
"So, JC," Lance says, "is there something you maybe want to tell me?"
"I don’t know," JC says tiredly. "Is there something I maybe want to tell you?"
"I don't know," Lance says, "Is there?"
"I-oh, for fuck's sake. If you don't want to hear more about Justin and his-"
"I really don't."
"Then what do you want to hear? Because like, dude. I love you and stuff, but I am running out of shit to say, here."
Lance sighs. "JC. There isn't anything you can think of that you maybe want to tell me? About how you're totally gay and the media is trying to out you against your will? And how I could relate to that because I am also totally gay and I got outted against my will? Nothing, you know, along those lines?"
"Oh. Um, well. But Lance, I'm not totally gay. I'm just, you know, like half gay. Everyone knows that! I dig the mamis. But you know, a hot guy wants to get freaky with me, who am I to say no?"
"Are you planning to come out as bisexual anytime soon? Because the press-"
"I like to think of myself more as pansexual," JC says. "I mean, like, why limit myself to two genders? What if I meet a really hot alien of undeterminable gender? I'm not gonna be like, 'Sorry alien person, but I only do humans.' That would be totally rude."
"On second thought," Lance says, and JC could swear that the banging sound on the other end of the line is Lance hitting his head against the wall, "you should probably just keep pretending like you have no idea that the media is trying to out you. It's really better if you don't talk."
"Wait-the media is trying to out me? I thought everyone already knew about this already. I mean, I totally wore that feather outfit which was really, you know, I think a pretty obvious metaphor and-are you sure? Lance? Hello??"
But Lance has already hung up. Sometimes, Lance can be so incredibly frustrating.
Fandom: popslash
Rating: Adultish
Comments: Written because yes. Because I keep wondering what Lance thinks of all the OMG JC IS GAY rumors, and so I decided to write a little something-something about that.
The thing about Lance is, he's really needy. JC has never just come out and told him that because JC doesn't like to be rude and he doesn't want to make Lance cry, but in the past year or so, the whole neediness thing has really become an issue.
When it started, JC thought it was actually kind of cute. Lance would call him up and say in his best reprimanding school teacher voice, "JC, is there something you maybe want to tell me?" The first time it happened, JC thought it might be some sort of kinky phone sex thing, which he'd never really done with Lance before (or well, not when Lance was actually aware of it) but he figured Justin couldn't keep a secret to save his life so Lance probably heard about how JC helped Justin out sometimes when he was on the road and was maybe feeling a bit lonely and wanted in on JC's little phone sex service.
"Oh, um, sure," JC said, and shoved his hand down his pants. "Because, see, the other day I was with this really hot mami, you know, just this really hot girl with the best tits ever and-"
"Wow, okay. Overcompensation," Lance said. "I guess the answer is no, then" and hung up. JC frowned at the phone and tossed it aside, shrugged, and kept stroking his dick, because now that he was hard, he wasn't going to waste it. Lance was so weird sometimes.
*
The next time it happened-Lance calling, not the phone sex thing-JC knew that Lance didn't want to hear about any of the hot mamis he'd hooked up with recently, but he still wasn't exactly clear on what Lance meant. "So, JC. Is there something you maybe want to tell me?" Lance said, and JC tried really hard to think of anything he might be missing that he really needed to tell Lance, but nothing really struck him except-
"Oh, actually, um, there's this thing! This really exciting thing!"
"Oh." Lance sounded surprised. "Um, okay. Really?"
"Yeah! It's like, I read this totally awesome article in last month's Scientific American, maybe you've already seen it if you still have your subscription but like, dude, it was so cool. There was this asteroid, did you hear about that? This huge fucking asteroid that like, totally smashed a car flat and then the guy couldn't get his insurance to cover it because, you know, I guess Geiko doesn't cover asteroid damage or whatever, but it was really-"
JC heard the loud click of Lance hanging up on him. Huh. Maybe Lance had already heard about the asteroid after all, but he didn't have to be so rude about it. Lance was such a jerk sometimes.
*
By the third time, JC was getting used to Lance's calls and had stories all prepared for when Lance called, because he was starting to get the feeling that Lance was maybe angry at him about something, but he couldn't figure out what and when he asked Joey, Joey just shrugged and said, "Dude, I try to stay out of your lover's spats" which was a pretty weird thing for Joey to say, since JC was pretty sure he and Lance had never fucked, unless you counted the almost phone sex. JC didn't, because he preferred more actual fucking involved in, um, fucking. But then, Joey was married now so probably he counted intense hugging as sex. Kelly got a lot of headaches.
So anyway, by the third time Lance called to ask, "So, JC, is there maybe something you want to tell me?" JC was all prepared.
"Man, yes! You'll never believe what Justin told me about Jessica Biel! Because I just thought she was like, sort of manly before but you know how I kind of like that so I never really thought it was anything else but then-"
"She's a lesbian, I know."
"Oh. Well, um. Then I guess I don't have anything to tell you." JC was really disappointed. He thought for sure that would satisfy Lance one and for all. Lance was gay, after all, and gay men loved gossip.
"I'm really disappointed in you, JC," Lance said, and hung up on him. Again. Which wasn't very nice, JC thought, and made JC really sad, especially after he'd worked so hard to find a topic of discussion he thought Lance would really appreciate, being a gossip-mongering gay man and having that grudge against Justin for ending the band and all. JC sighed. Lance could be difficult, sometimes.
*
The next time Lance called, two weeks later, JC was still feeling hurt and sad from his lesbian gossip being rejected, plus his new BFF (Chace, with whom he had bonded so nicely over the last few months due to similar names and a love of fashion, plus commiserating over how people always think they're gay because of how pretty they are) had stopped returning his calls. So it was already a shitty week and then Lance called all, "JC, is there something you maybe want to tell me?" and JC hated being mean but frankly, he was sick of the question and how Lance never wanted to have phone sex so he just said, "I am way too busy and important for these stupid games, Lance, so why don't you just tell me what the fuck it is you want me to say?"
Lance sniffed. "Oh," he said. "Um. Well, sorry. I mean, I am calling all the way from Australia and everything but, you know, if you're too busy and important to talk to one of your oldest and best friends then I guess-"
"No, no," JC said. He was already feeling guilty. JC was no good at staying mad, especially not at Lance, who already had to deal with so much shit, like horrible starfucker boyfriends. If he could've only been like JC and just slut around a lot instead of being in relationships, JC was pretty sure Lance's life would be way better. "I'm sorry, Lance. It's just, lots of stuff is happening right now and I didn't mean to take it out on you. I, well. How's Australia? How's that guy you're seeing?"
"Oh, we broke up," Lance said. He sounded sad again. "But I got to see a kangaroo and pet a snake, so that was pretty cool."
"Oh dude, that reminds me! I do have something to tell you!"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah! Like, the other day, you won't even believe this, but I was at the cabana at the Roosevelt, you know? And there was this huge fucking snake, right in the cabana! Luckily it wasn't like, poisonous or anything though, and I got to hold it and stroke it and everything before the animal control people came to take it away."
"I bet you did," Lance said, and coughed. His voice sounded kind of funny, like he was running a race, all out of breath and low and-oh. Oh, thought JC. Lance only sounded like that when he was all turned on, usually about rockets, but sometimes about guys, and, JC guessed, now about snakes. Lance was such a freak sometimes.
*
So Lance is pretty needy with his weird phone call habits that haven't, so far, ever involved some good old-fashioned phone sex, which is actually really a shame because Lance has a much better voice for it than Justin does, and also, Justin likes for JC to call him 'mami' and pretend like Justin is one of his girls, which is even a little freaky for JC, although Justin kind of sounds like a girl when he gets excited, so the illusion isn't really that hard for JC to maintain.
But anyway, Lance, he's needy. His calls have gotten more and more frequent over the last month, and this time when JC answers the phone, he really is out of random shit to tell Lance. He already told him the asteroid story and the snake story, plus his entire philosophy about why Obama is awesome and it's totally feminist to vote for him even though Clinton is technically the lady candidate, and he even tried to tell Lance about Justin's mami thing, but Lance hung up on him that time, so that definitely wasn't what Lance wanted to hear.
"So, JC," Lance says, "is there something you maybe want to tell me?"
"I don’t know," JC says tiredly. "Is there something I maybe want to tell you?"
"I don't know," Lance says, "Is there?"
"I-oh, for fuck's sake. If you don't want to hear more about Justin and his-"
"I really don't."
"Then what do you want to hear? Because like, dude. I love you and stuff, but I am running out of shit to say, here."
Lance sighs. "JC. There isn't anything you can think of that you maybe want to tell me? About how you're totally gay and the media is trying to out you against your will? And how I could relate to that because I am also totally gay and I got outted against my will? Nothing, you know, along those lines?"
"Oh. Um, well. But Lance, I'm not totally gay. I'm just, you know, like half gay. Everyone knows that! I dig the mamis. But you know, a hot guy wants to get freaky with me, who am I to say no?"
"Are you planning to come out as bisexual anytime soon? Because the press-"
"I like to think of myself more as pansexual," JC says. "I mean, like, why limit myself to two genders? What if I meet a really hot alien of undeterminable gender? I'm not gonna be like, 'Sorry alien person, but I only do humans.' That would be totally rude."
"On second thought," Lance says, and JC could swear that the banging sound on the other end of the line is Lance hitting his head against the wall, "you should probably just keep pretending like you have no idea that the media is trying to out you. It's really better if you don't talk."
"Wait-the media is trying to out me? I thought everyone already knew about this already. I mean, I totally wore that feather outfit which was really, you know, I think a pretty obvious metaphor and-are you sure? Lance? Hello??"
But Lance has already hung up. Sometimes, Lance can be so incredibly frustrating.