I cant be strong..all the time

[pgrdnckgrl06]

I'm tired, emotionally and physically. I'm normally the one that everyone leans on and I build them back up. Well this time it's me that needs to be built back up. I've felt so run down and a lot is from this crap with Jess, we're gonna have a talk soon. I don't think it'll end too well but I can't stand it anymore. I'm sick of having to do everything myself and she doesn't seem to do "her part". I mean I know we cant be together right now and I'm having doubts as to if I would get back with her anyways. I dont know if she's right for who I am now. I'm looking for a good woman that I can love and know she loves me in return. We'll take care of each other and faithful to each other. I gotta believe that woman exist out there for me. I'm not settling this time, look at my past and see where that got me lol I broke a lot of hearts, did a lot of stupid shit I'm not proud of, was a cheater, liar, and everything else. I'm not that person anymore I want to find the one that I could settle down with and start a family with eventually. haha that is pretty funny coming from me, but anyways. Point is I know what I want...a good gf. My best friend says that I'll stop being a "player" when I find the right one, my roomies say that I am one so that's where that comes from. I don't think that I am really anymore I just come off that way. My ex agreed and said I'm a sweetheart :) Thanks patty lol.

But everyone always assumes that I'm ok, I will never admit or say how I really feel so I guess this journal is my outlet. It kinda makes me seem weak or whiny lol. I hate bein weak, when I'm sick I don't show it or let others take care of me. I've never really had someone to take care of me I guess. I've always been the one to take care of others.

Why am I like this? I wish I knew. Any ideas? lol