(no subject)
my other journal, that i've had since i was 14 is now available for public viewing, well semi public viewing. you must be added to my friends list to see it.
so things are screwed up between me and my gf..cause she snooped into my computer when i wasnt here and went through my livejournal and found my entries about her. soooo she assumes that i cheated on her, yet she fails to realize that in livejournal, you can set many different groups and set who can see what, but when it's yours, they all appear in the same page. I never cheated on her even though earlier entries say i did. it was almost a year ago, and i was stupid, foolish, lying to myself, and trying to impress others...that's basically what it comes down to. i was trying to convince myself that i wasnt lovestruck, that i wasnt head over heels for a girl i just started talking to and that i wasnt the strong, independent one that didnt need anyone. I thought it meant i was weak, but now looking back it means that i was an idiot, trying to impress the ones that prolly never cared to start with and that don't matter now. I'm stressing out over this cause i really love PJ, i never cheated, i never made out with anyone else even when i knew i had the chance to and could have...i CHOSE not to. i dont think i ever had the balls to even attempt to. I'm crazy over this girl. she gives me that stupid goofy grin that i cant explain. The surge of happiness and excitement that makes me do goofy stuff just to make her laugh. I mean i couldnt stop grinning/smiling at godfreys the first night she went with me and had her arms around me. i could for once see a future with someone that meant the world to me and that i didnt have to be afraid of...or so i thought. i planned on buying her a gift for our one year and i was soooooooooooooo nervous about it even though it wasnt exactly life changing, but it WAS and IS a big deal for me.
If she leaves, which i'm sure she probably will cause she's not believing me i dont know what i'll do. I mean i know what i'll do, but i wont want to or be happy about it. it just sucks, it really does and i'm not even trying to hide the fact that i'm upset and scared of losing her cause it's the best i've ever had but hey i'm young so there'll always be another right? eh, i dunno. i cant say i would blame her cause me being the way i am, would prolly do the same or at least not be happy about it. i'm still kinda pissed that she went through my shit and i'm not sure why she would do something like that, guess that kinda says something about what kind of person she is but i dont know, that's really not that important right now. oh well i'm out, l8a
so things are screwed up between me and my gf..cause she snooped into my computer when i wasnt here and went through my livejournal and found my entries about her. soooo she assumes that i cheated on her, yet she fails to realize that in livejournal, you can set many different groups and set who can see what, but when it's yours, they all appear in the same page. I never cheated on her even though earlier entries say i did. it was almost a year ago, and i was stupid, foolish, lying to myself, and trying to impress others...that's basically what it comes down to. i was trying to convince myself that i wasnt lovestruck, that i wasnt head over heels for a girl i just started talking to and that i wasnt the strong, independent one that didnt need anyone. I thought it meant i was weak, but now looking back it means that i was an idiot, trying to impress the ones that prolly never cared to start with and that don't matter now. I'm stressing out over this cause i really love PJ, i never cheated, i never made out with anyone else even when i knew i had the chance to and could have...i CHOSE not to. i dont think i ever had the balls to even attempt to. I'm crazy over this girl. she gives me that stupid goofy grin that i cant explain. The surge of happiness and excitement that makes me do goofy stuff just to make her laugh. I mean i couldnt stop grinning/smiling at godfreys the first night she went with me and had her arms around me. i could for once see a future with someone that meant the world to me and that i didnt have to be afraid of...or so i thought. i planned on buying her a gift for our one year and i was soooooooooooooo nervous about it even though it wasnt exactly life changing, but it WAS and IS a big deal for me.
If she leaves, which i'm sure she probably will cause she's not believing me i dont know what i'll do. I mean i know what i'll do, but i wont want to or be happy about it. it just sucks, it really does and i'm not even trying to hide the fact that i'm upset and scared of losing her cause it's the best i've ever had but hey i'm young so there'll always be another right? eh, i dunno. i cant say i would blame her cause me being the way i am, would prolly do the same or at least not be happy about it. i'm still kinda pissed that she went through my shit and i'm not sure why she would do something like that, guess that kinda says something about what kind of person she is but i dont know, that's really not that important right now. oh well i'm out, l8a