Comments | pgrabia: House M.D. Fanfiction: Scout's Honor pt 3

pgrabia

House M.D. Fanfiction: Scout's Honor pt 3

Jul 09, 2010 22:14

Title: Scout’s Honor
Author: pgrabia
Disclaimer: House M.D., its characters, locations and storyline are the property of David Shore, Bad Hat Harry Productions and the Fox Television Network. All Rights Reserved.
Pairing(s): House/Wilson pre-slash (UST), starting with some House/Cuddy and Wilson/Sam (but ending up H/W.).
A/N: A three-part ( Read more... )

Comments 21

scout's honor petrahaga July 10 2010, 06:03:57 UTC

Loved this. Believable end to well intentioned but essentially doomed hetero parings for the two. :-)
Thanks so much for writing.

Re: scout's honor pgrabia July 10 2010, 06:08:27 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

_slytherin_girl July 10 2010, 06:35:46 UTC

Okay, now that I've read the whole thing, it's time for some constructive criticism.

The Good: I liked the action and loved how House wouldn't give up on Wilson. I'm not sure, canon-wise, that Wilson always realizes just how much House does for him (in his own, Housian way) and I like how you've shown it here.

The Bad: Far too many miss-used exclamation points. They are used to show that the character is yelling or saying something vehemently. There are a number of times where someone is trying to be serious, or harsh and you use it and it stands out. Here's an example, I told you I’d outlast you!” he murmured, his voice dripping with venom. Maybe it's just me being picky, but I found it distracting.

Anyhoo, good story. :D

pgrabia July 10 2010, 06:59:03 UTC

Thanks! I'll definitely rein in the 'enthusiasm' I have for exclamation points. (see, ordinarily I would have used one at the end of that sentence but I restrained myself because I am a teachable person. ^_^

_slytherin_girl July 10 2010, 07:03:19 UTC

That's okay. I do understand. I love them too, which is why I like to see them in proper use. :D

resm July 10 2010, 13:06:47 UTC

This was a really good read. V. well concluded - kept me on the edge of my seat the whole way through with some cracking lines. Thanks for this!

pgrabia July 10 2010, 15:33:11 UTC

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

(The comment has been removed)

cuddyclothes July 10 2010, 15:31:27 UTC

I loved that they found him in a completely believable way. And what House did made perfect sense and wasn't OOC. This is a really good, action-packed story that is truly original. A lot of great lines, and the interplay between H/W and the realization that they are only themselves when they're with each other was touching and funny. House on crutches and in the space blanket...fantastic.

Here are some minor problems I had:
1) I think Sam would care after he nearly dies. I completely believed her having House detained in security and lying to him, though I think in some twisted way she would defend her actions out of "love." Just my opinion. (I love her big, coral, stick mouth.)
2) Wilson seems awfully articulate for someone who just came out of being unconscious for a really long time and hoarse from intubation.

Please take this as concrit and disregard it if you wish. It's a wonderful story, and had me on the edge of my chair.

cuddyclothes July 10 2010, 15:33:31 UTC

Please note that I also reined in my tendency to use exclamation points. Oh, God...must not...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

pgrabia July 10 2010, 16:02:27 UTC

LOL! (Oops, that was another exclamation point, wasn't it? Oh, well. ;)

Thread 5

lhoma320 July 10 2010, 15:23:20 UTC

What a great job you did on this. Great story. I have to say I was a tad upset when Wilson woke up to Sam holding his hand. I did not expect that, which is good but what really got me is why he woke up to Sam and not House. That was excellent. What a surprise. Oh, and House on crutches was a nice touch as well. I love it when I read something and actually exclaim out loud. Thanks for sharing that. :D

pgrabia July 10 2010, 15:57:55 UTC

Hi! I wanted the reader to be a little disappointed, along with Wilson, that Sam was the one with him and not House. I figured Sam would tell the hospital that she was Wilson's fiancee so they would listen to her wishes over House's. The only way House wouldn't have been at Wilson's side would be due to him being dragged away kicking (and screaming).
House on crutches only made sense: he put his leg through hell searching for Wilson so it would be very weak and hurting pretty badly for days after that kind of exertion.
I'm very glad you enjoyed it--thanks for reading!