Alone
It's not really a bombshell to be lonely. It's hard sometimes just knowing that things begin and end with me now. It feels very lonely thinking of the plans for what would happen if something happened to me.
I tried going out of town for just one day this weekend. I was very worried about Diana when I got back and she didn't respond to my calls, she's so old, I worry. Now I haven't seen Fatty and I'm worried. I thought more than once over the past day that I really wished I could call the kitties and check that they're okay n_n Noone being at home with them, having noone to check with, it's hard. I left extra water out and they drank it all up, caused a bit of mess, ate lots of kibble. I hope they're not too miffed at me. I was just reading something about really you shouldn't leave them alone longer than 24 hrs at most, and it was a bit over that for me this time ._. Whenever I go out it tends to be for 12 hours, it seems. It's so far to town that when I go out it's for the duration. Can't just pop out and back. I'm glad the kitties have each other. Even if they're not really interacting, they know the others are there. They have community. I hope I'm not stressing them out.
Went to see the new Cyrano movie, and I surprised myself by being too fucking fragile and full of loss for a movie full of feelings right now. It wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't something I could stiff-upper-lip either. Then astoundingly found out after that I was one of like, three people who actually knew the story of Cyrano de Bergerac before seeing the movie DX; Some knew like, a CliffNotes version, just the concept of one guy acting as a proxy voice to another, but not the details or how sad it was. And the previews make it look like lots of fun, so they really didn't expect all the tragedy. It is egregiously French.