Busy but idle?
I feel like I'm constantly forgetting to do so many things, always doing so many things, and getting nothing done, all at the same time.
I went to the assessor's office, and it turns out that was for PERSONAL property, which is basically the cars? So I got that done again, and my car is already good till Dec, but Dad's car's tags come up in August. His car is already sitting in there with the battery dead from non-use for so long, and I have to get rid of it. It just makes no sense. I sent in payment for the insurance, but it makes no sense to continue. I know some have mentioned it's good to have an extra, but it's not really viable to keep up on and keep using to keep active.
This house really IS big for me. I'm glad that I can host friends easily now, but it's hard to have noone else on hand to help with anything that may come up. Like, if I need to get a bin down for a certain pan suddenly, need to get out ladders, have to carry a bin up a ladder to then reach up for a shelf. We were always saying, so much is so much easier with two. All the more true now. But in all honesty, a house that's owned clean, runs well, in good repair even with things that could use work, full of my memories and all these things - that's worth more than anything I can think of anyone offering me in exchange for it. I hope I can stay on top of it. The dishwasher suddenly broke, luckily not in a way that caused any flooding but the door won't close anymore which is annoying. I'm torn on replacing it. My house has really never used it as it's meant. I had wondered about repair, but then remembered that it's here from when we moved in so it's over 20 years old! The door SHOULD have broken by now. I guess dishwashers aren't especially complicated or expensive now, I could get a very simple model. Dad's friend that worked for Metro Appliance, he had offered and asked about any appliances I may have needed, offering help that way. I wonder how much it even runs, shopping around I could maybe get something basic for less than a discounted nice model? I don't know. It's not a priority right now, and I already feel like I'm doing 15 things at once getting little accomplished right now.
Another neurologist leaving the practice, so now I'm looking for my 5th neurologist since this saga began so long ago, and I don't think my doctor even knows of any to rec me to! Northwest is kind of phasing out neurology, there's nobody left in the offices of my former doctor. How far will I have to drive for a neurologist now. I had him call in a Rx for copaxone again while I could, and I hope he finished up that letter for Helms and the retirement fund committee soon. I know he rec'd changing therapy since my last MRI showed 2 new spots of damage, but I feel too tentative about the type he mentioned, and would like to talk to a doctor before changing over to something new. For now I can only hope to stay regular with copaxone again. Also, I need a new dentist, as I'm on a Medicare + plan now, so it has to be someone who accepts Medicare first and foremost, then BCBS will take up slack for anything that fed doesn't cover. Really, my only option, there was no way I could pay for my former private coverage. But my dentist was shocked at the damage he found in my teeth since my last regular visit 6 months ago. So much in such a short amount of time that he wondered if maybe my mouth bacteria had changed, and that sounds awful, but I also had an especially stressful 2021, and the past 6 months in particular.
My main psych therapist doesn't take Medicare either, and that's a shame bc I liked her. She was an older motherly kind of voice that was very good for me to hear. I have mixed feelings about the non-psych therapist that I am continuing with still, but she is primarily a social worker at heart so she is full of good suggestions at what to do next.
The auctioneer finally came out to the house to do work loading stuff this week, though it was just to mostly box up stuff, get it out of where it is, get an idea of whether he should bring a trailer or a box truck. For the shear weight, a box truck will be needed. All that ammo is literally boxes of lead. Boxes and boxes. All those materials. And a few crates of books just on reloading and gun manuals. I'm thinking also some of the fancy sets on WWII, that old Poe set. Even though what's left is so so so much, it's what I want. I want the option. They're a good collection. I'm going to have to figure out how I want to move books around, to fill some of the shelves that this'll leave open.
I wonder if one day after some of this stuff gets done I'll look around at what's missing and just... like it'll hit me all at once, that I'll be hit HARD, that it'll be hard on me. But this is stuff that has to get done somehow. What else am I going to do with all this. Some of these things are just not meant for me. I'm trying to keep a grip on what I want to keep and what I need to let go, what would honestly be useful and how much of it is really necessary. I have no frame of reference for knowing if I'm right. I hope I don't mess up anything. I hope I haven't already.