"You don't want the truth, because where will the romance be if life has no mystery left in it..."
Many of you may wonder at times if I have any enemies. Well, sure I do. I'm a normal guy in that regard and I have had a normal amount of enemies, from Jeffrey Paulcary (I'm guessing as far as spelling goes, but he basically beat me up in preschool for no reason, quite often, even though my mom worked with his mom) to that Matt guy at Stacey who just pissed me off by being annoying. Right now though, I'm at a time in my life where I only have one enemy, and a mortal one at that. I hate him with all my might, but he most likely doesn't know I exist.
Yeah, his name is Great Tiger, and today is my day to end his reign...
I've easily knocked out everyone put before me, and now he is all that stands between me and a major title shot. 5 others have stood before me and I have downed them all easily, but I can tell this fight will be different, I can tell this wont be by the book.
So what happened today, and why am I updating so soon, and what the hell is up with all the crappy cartoons and videogame screenshots you may ask. Well, I just feel like updating sometimes, and most of those recent times have come when I have some random idea that requires a game pic or a crappy cartoon. Yeah, it's horribly random and pointless, but I don't care. I'm updating this journal when I see fit, and with what I see fit, always have, always will. As for today, not much of a day really. I didn't really get to sleep until 5 or so, meaning my eyes probably closed at about 6 or something like that. I woke up at around 12pm, which I assume exlains why my eyes feel like they're melting inside my skull right now. Would going to sleep earlier help? Probably, but I don't think I'll find out today. When I finally got up and about, I couldn't really think of anything to do, so I eventually just went to the mall for 30 or so minutes, did nothing then came home, sat around for 2 hours, then got food. Yeah, I know, excitement I exude. I didn't do much of anything today, but that's kind of normal for me and what i seem to be right now. I'm pretty much fine with it because I'm thinking that it will all change when college comes along, assuming I can stay in this time. If my social status doesn't improve, oh well, atleast I'll be learning and to distracted to care. I should probably go out and get a summer job, but I don't really need the money, and none of the places I go have the "hiring" signs out, so I most likely wont. It doens't matter, because like I said, I don't need the money, but it would be nice to get out and make sure I'm ok before college comes and I am taken by suprise. No, that wouldn't really be much of a suprise though, kind of just another day, almost expected. Sometimes I have dreams like that, where I see something, and then later it happens in real life. You can't predict those because they seem just like any other dream, so you can't write each one down and say "This will happen," because only a small bit do, it's just suprising when it happens. I used to have weird idea that life was backwards, and those dreams support the theory, because it's really weird to imagine having dreams where you see what will happen, even if they are just random events in random non-descript dreams. Any other way, I just have no idea as to why they come, just that they do on occasion and that I don't know which ones they are.
The first round is done with, and this is the first time I've ever had an intermission, the first time I haven't TKO'd or KO'd my opponent before the bell. I had him on the ropes, just like the rest of them, but then, all of a suden, he rears back, jumps from side to side, dissapears, and then pop, he's right there connecting on my face time after time. I knocked him down twice, but they were from continuous body work. Him, he knocked me down with a couple shots to the head that I never even saw. I don't even know what's going on.
I barely even hear what he's screaming in my ear, but it is still heard non the less. I know other people have stayed the course and beaten him, I can see it in his eyes that he has known defeat, I just wonder which column I'll end up in. I know I want this more than he does, but it isn't always about who wants it more, it's about who's better today. I stare on and wonder how that tiger ended up as his coat. Did he do it, or did someone else? I should be concentrating on the fight, on stopping him and making sure he doesn't lose me again, but I'm staring at his dead tiger instead. Where am I?
Now for the true meat and potatoes rambling, I guess. Turns out I wasn't just in a mood for Refused, but that instead I'm just realizing real late that it's a good cd. It's not what you expect from anyone else, too much spent with instruments, not enough with the singer screaming, but for some reason, it doesn't matter. It's true experimental crud, with 8 minute songs, barely any singing at all for any of the 8 minutes, and poetry in song intros. If you're just looking to slam dance yourself retarded, look elsewhere. This isn't that kind of music. What kind of music is it? Well, I don't know that either, but I'm quite sure the lead singer is the Eric Clapton (70's Eric Clapton, when he was in great bands as a mercenary guitarist) of the Scandinavian experimental punk scene. Yeah, that doesn't make sense, but he deserves the comparison.
This week has been weird for a multitude of reasons, most of which I can't remember. That's one of the big reasons I want to be back in school soon, to give my life some reason to remember the days, because right now I don't. Giving me a reason to get up in the morning is something I really need (no I don't mean it that way, I just mean that right now, some days I just don't feel like getting up, because nothing will happen), so i can't wait until that happens. This week, on which day I can't remember, I got an invite to my highschool graduation. I don't know if I want to go, and i think that's really weird, because I should want to go and just drown in happiness that I finally have a diploma, a piece of paer proving I can beat all the crap highschool threw at me, but I really don't seem to care that much about it, or atleast not as much as I should. There's going to be a ceremony and all that crap, but I'm probably not going to go because even though a part of me cares about all this, the majority of me just couldn't give a shit. I really wish I gave a shit, but wishing doesn't do much, because whenever I seem to wish out loud, I get the exact opposite of what i actually want. I wish for someone to read my journal and respond, and instead someone starts giving me advice for problems I don't have, even though they don't really enjoy talking to me and want nothing to do with me and know nothign about me. I guess I'm "bitching" right now, or whatever, but I really don't give a crap, once again, because this is how I feel, and I might as well get it out in the open. I want someone to talk to who actually gives a damn about life, not politics or anything else I think about, but will still listen to it if I say it, so thats why I have to go back out into the world, to make it easier to find one. What would I say? I don't know, so hopefully I will before I meet anyone like that. Random thoughts which probably don't mean anything, but random thoughts I have right now, so they become random thoughts on a computer screen. It really is that simple.
Believe it or not, most of my life is dedicated to making other's better. I don't make waves as much as I easily could, but instead hold my stuff in, because lots of people don't want to hear what I have to say. I don't actually make people happy that often, I just don't make them as mad as I easily could, or as sad as I easily could. I soften blows, and if you don't believe that, you don't believe the truth, because most of the times when I even say a quarter of whats on my mind, people end up hating me. Brad Nguyen told me I was boring in 10th grade, and I don't really think I cared. I didn't hang out with the guy that much anyways, atleast compared to how much we used to hang out, especially in 9th grade, and he had new friends I didn't care for, so it was fine. It had happened before, and it hadn't been very bad those times either. That's my problem I guess. Whenever I try to do something someone else has done to me, or that I have seen someone else do, I fail miserably. Brad told me I was boring, most likely because I wasn't a very good friend or someone he felt knew enough about him, and I was fine, but when I'm Brad Nguyen, I get 60+ replies as to how I suck. If you combine all the replies I've ever gotten, they most likely wont make 60, and yet when I open my mouth and say what I think to be the truth, I get 60 to one post. All I'm trying to do is make life easier for someone who shouldn't know me and doesn't like me, but it doesn't work for me like it did on me. Right now, I know in my mind what I want to say, but not how to type it, so I'll try my best I guess. In the simplest terms, I want to be the important person in someones life, but I have no idea how to accomplish it. I spend most of my time going drom random journal to random journal on this site and lots of people have that one person a little more important in their life than the others, and I don't think I'm that person to anyone. Yeah, I was once to a friend, but I treated the kid like a second class citizen most of the time, and then we just drifted apart, so I guess I deserve it. It's just disheartening to read about the lifes of others and compare them to my own, because then I get to thinking about how it's probably something I did or some dumb crap like that. This is why I like thinking about politics and crap I find funny, to get my mind of this stuff which doesn't really matter, since thinking about this doens't make my life better or cure my more important problem, it just brings me down and depresses me. All this crap would be much better if I were telling it to someone, but I don't know anyone I want to say it to, no great importnat person in my life, so that's a moot point too. How everything in this paragraph relates to the other stuff is beyond me, I just work here. I think i was going to write some other stuff, but I forgot it, so I might as well wind this crap down. Forte, which means something you specialize or excel at, is a weird word because it isn't said "for-tay" like most will say it, it's said "fort." Look it up in a dictionary if you don't believe me. When I'm happy, my forte is yelling at people who don't agree with me, most often making them cry, making stupid jokes, and waxing philosophical with one line Ronnie-isms. I can do all those things ok when not happy, but I'm not automatic. Next time I post, I'm going to include a picture of the worst yahoo search ever, so here's to that. Bye...
I guess it's just not my day. I tried and tried, but in the end, failed. He just came out me with more than I could handle, and now it's over, but what has really ended? Is it a metaphor for the battles I have in life, the struggles I must endure, a message in a bottle that I cannot always succeed, but that I must get back up and try so that I might atleast have a chance at winning? Is all a sign of things to come, of lessons to be learned, of things to come, a message from above? No, it's just a boxer from India, no sign at all. Why do I think such things?
Yeah, his name is Great Tiger, and today is my day to end his reign...
I've easily knocked out everyone put before me, and now he is all that stands between me and a major title shot. 5 others have stood before me and I have downed them all easily, but I can tell this fight will be different, I can tell this wont be by the book.
So what happened today, and why am I updating so soon, and what the hell is up with all the crappy cartoons and videogame screenshots you may ask. Well, I just feel like updating sometimes, and most of those recent times have come when I have some random idea that requires a game pic or a crappy cartoon. Yeah, it's horribly random and pointless, but I don't care. I'm updating this journal when I see fit, and with what I see fit, always have, always will. As for today, not much of a day really. I didn't really get to sleep until 5 or so, meaning my eyes probably closed at about 6 or something like that. I woke up at around 12pm, which I assume exlains why my eyes feel like they're melting inside my skull right now. Would going to sleep earlier help? Probably, but I don't think I'll find out today. When I finally got up and about, I couldn't really think of anything to do, so I eventually just went to the mall for 30 or so minutes, did nothing then came home, sat around for 2 hours, then got food. Yeah, I know, excitement I exude. I didn't do much of anything today, but that's kind of normal for me and what i seem to be right now. I'm pretty much fine with it because I'm thinking that it will all change when college comes along, assuming I can stay in this time. If my social status doesn't improve, oh well, atleast I'll be learning and to distracted to care. I should probably go out and get a summer job, but I don't really need the money, and none of the places I go have the "hiring" signs out, so I most likely wont. It doens't matter, because like I said, I don't need the money, but it would be nice to get out and make sure I'm ok before college comes and I am taken by suprise. No, that wouldn't really be much of a suprise though, kind of just another day, almost expected. Sometimes I have dreams like that, where I see something, and then later it happens in real life. You can't predict those because they seem just like any other dream, so you can't write each one down and say "This will happen," because only a small bit do, it's just suprising when it happens. I used to have weird idea that life was backwards, and those dreams support the theory, because it's really weird to imagine having dreams where you see what will happen, even if they are just random events in random non-descript dreams. Any other way, I just have no idea as to why they come, just that they do on occasion and that I don't know which ones they are.
The first round is done with, and this is the first time I've ever had an intermission, the first time I haven't TKO'd or KO'd my opponent before the bell. I had him on the ropes, just like the rest of them, but then, all of a suden, he rears back, jumps from side to side, dissapears, and then pop, he's right there connecting on my face time after time. I knocked him down twice, but they were from continuous body work. Him, he knocked me down with a couple shots to the head that I never even saw. I don't even know what's going on.
I barely even hear what he's screaming in my ear, but it is still heard non the less. I know other people have stayed the course and beaten him, I can see it in his eyes that he has known defeat, I just wonder which column I'll end up in. I know I want this more than he does, but it isn't always about who wants it more, it's about who's better today. I stare on and wonder how that tiger ended up as his coat. Did he do it, or did someone else? I should be concentrating on the fight, on stopping him and making sure he doesn't lose me again, but I'm staring at his dead tiger instead. Where am I?
Now for the true meat and potatoes rambling, I guess. Turns out I wasn't just in a mood for Refused, but that instead I'm just realizing real late that it's a good cd. It's not what you expect from anyone else, too much spent with instruments, not enough with the singer screaming, but for some reason, it doesn't matter. It's true experimental crud, with 8 minute songs, barely any singing at all for any of the 8 minutes, and poetry in song intros. If you're just looking to slam dance yourself retarded, look elsewhere. This isn't that kind of music. What kind of music is it? Well, I don't know that either, but I'm quite sure the lead singer is the Eric Clapton (70's Eric Clapton, when he was in great bands as a mercenary guitarist) of the Scandinavian experimental punk scene. Yeah, that doesn't make sense, but he deserves the comparison.
This week has been weird for a multitude of reasons, most of which I can't remember. That's one of the big reasons I want to be back in school soon, to give my life some reason to remember the days, because right now I don't. Giving me a reason to get up in the morning is something I really need (no I don't mean it that way, I just mean that right now, some days I just don't feel like getting up, because nothing will happen), so i can't wait until that happens. This week, on which day I can't remember, I got an invite to my highschool graduation. I don't know if I want to go, and i think that's really weird, because I should want to go and just drown in happiness that I finally have a diploma, a piece of paer proving I can beat all the crap highschool threw at me, but I really don't seem to care that much about it, or atleast not as much as I should. There's going to be a ceremony and all that crap, but I'm probably not going to go because even though a part of me cares about all this, the majority of me just couldn't give a shit. I really wish I gave a shit, but wishing doesn't do much, because whenever I seem to wish out loud, I get the exact opposite of what i actually want. I wish for someone to read my journal and respond, and instead someone starts giving me advice for problems I don't have, even though they don't really enjoy talking to me and want nothing to do with me and know nothign about me. I guess I'm "bitching" right now, or whatever, but I really don't give a crap, once again, because this is how I feel, and I might as well get it out in the open. I want someone to talk to who actually gives a damn about life, not politics or anything else I think about, but will still listen to it if I say it, so thats why I have to go back out into the world, to make it easier to find one. What would I say? I don't know, so hopefully I will before I meet anyone like that. Random thoughts which probably don't mean anything, but random thoughts I have right now, so they become random thoughts on a computer screen. It really is that simple.
Believe it or not, most of my life is dedicated to making other's better. I don't make waves as much as I easily could, but instead hold my stuff in, because lots of people don't want to hear what I have to say. I don't actually make people happy that often, I just don't make them as mad as I easily could, or as sad as I easily could. I soften blows, and if you don't believe that, you don't believe the truth, because most of the times when I even say a quarter of whats on my mind, people end up hating me. Brad Nguyen told me I was boring in 10th grade, and I don't really think I cared. I didn't hang out with the guy that much anyways, atleast compared to how much we used to hang out, especially in 9th grade, and he had new friends I didn't care for, so it was fine. It had happened before, and it hadn't been very bad those times either. That's my problem I guess. Whenever I try to do something someone else has done to me, or that I have seen someone else do, I fail miserably. Brad told me I was boring, most likely because I wasn't a very good friend or someone he felt knew enough about him, and I was fine, but when I'm Brad Nguyen, I get 60+ replies as to how I suck. If you combine all the replies I've ever gotten, they most likely wont make 60, and yet when I open my mouth and say what I think to be the truth, I get 60 to one post. All I'm trying to do is make life easier for someone who shouldn't know me and doesn't like me, but it doesn't work for me like it did on me. Right now, I know in my mind what I want to say, but not how to type it, so I'll try my best I guess. In the simplest terms, I want to be the important person in someones life, but I have no idea how to accomplish it. I spend most of my time going drom random journal to random journal on this site and lots of people have that one person a little more important in their life than the others, and I don't think I'm that person to anyone. Yeah, I was once to a friend, but I treated the kid like a second class citizen most of the time, and then we just drifted apart, so I guess I deserve it. It's just disheartening to read about the lifes of others and compare them to my own, because then I get to thinking about how it's probably something I did or some dumb crap like that. This is why I like thinking about politics and crap I find funny, to get my mind of this stuff which doesn't really matter, since thinking about this doens't make my life better or cure my more important problem, it just brings me down and depresses me. All this crap would be much better if I were telling it to someone, but I don't know anyone I want to say it to, no great importnat person in my life, so that's a moot point too. How everything in this paragraph relates to the other stuff is beyond me, I just work here. I think i was going to write some other stuff, but I forgot it, so I might as well wind this crap down. Forte, which means something you specialize or excel at, is a weird word because it isn't said "for-tay" like most will say it, it's said "fort." Look it up in a dictionary if you don't believe me. When I'm happy, my forte is yelling at people who don't agree with me, most often making them cry, making stupid jokes, and waxing philosophical with one line Ronnie-isms. I can do all those things ok when not happy, but I'm not automatic. Next time I post, I'm going to include a picture of the worst yahoo search ever, so here's to that. Bye...
I guess it's just not my day. I tried and tried, but in the end, failed. He just came out me with more than I could handle, and now it's over, but what has really ended? Is it a metaphor for the battles I have in life, the struggles I must endure, a message in a bottle that I cannot always succeed, but that I must get back up and try so that I might atleast have a chance at winning? Is all a sign of things to come, of lessons to be learned, of things to come, a message from above? No, it's just a boxer from India, no sign at all. Why do I think such things?