this is gonna be hard
Turns out there was a 4th option I hadn't considered: Actifed. All the crying had seriously fucked up my sinuses. Of course then I couldn't find any Actifed, so I took the non-drowsy stuff. Amazingly, I fell asleep. It was at like 4:30 a.m., but that's not too unusual for me lately. But then I slept til 9:30 p.m., and that's not good.
I'm both numb and raw. Numb mostly, until I think about him, and then crying. Yep, been here before. It was like this when my sister died. I try to squelch the crying so as not to draw attention - yeah, it's been 7-1/2 years and I STILL don't know what the fuck that's all about. Last time, it seemed like it was mostly to avoid setting my parents off crying, but that's not the whole reason. Embarrassment, not wanting to inconvenience others or make them feel awkward with my emo, etc. Either way, it's not healthy, because I need to be able to get it out, right?
Good God, I wish I could smoke in here.
When I got fired, the tears were mostly anger. Now they're mostly sadness. It's worse now, because I literally can't think about it without crying, That's just how it was when sis died, so you'd think I wouldn't be surprised, but I am. Uh, yeah, dumbass, this is what it's like when someone you love dies, duh.
Thank God I broke down and went to the anime shop the other day, so I've had a few things to distract me besides sleep. I went to buy 1 magazine, but they had last month's too which I'd missed, and then I was really weak and bought 2 manga. I rationalize like so: I'm only buying series that I was buying before, and not all of those. I.e., since I already have v.1-6 of The Wallflower, and it is awesome, might as well keep getting that one. And Antique Bakery v.3 was out, which was the final volume (or so I thought), so might as well get that one too since I love it. Oopsie, turns out there's going to be a v.4. Oh well, I am unrepentant.
I'm not buying any more of series that I was hoping would get better but haven't, and I'm not buying 1st volumes that look good. I'll be joining the rest of you pirates there, arrr. But dammit, I hate reading manga onscreen. What a pain. Anyway, Princess Tutu v.4 is also out, and I almost bought it, but rented instead. I can buy DVDs again when I get a job.
Unfortunately, I've already read the manga I bought, except for some of the Shojo Beat series that I'm not that into. I guess I'll go read those and have a smoke.
I finally got my resume sent off, though it's probably too late for this job. Whatever, having a hard time caring right now. Going to get my new hard drive tomorrow, and getting that set up will be good for hours and hours of distraction even if all goes well. Plus, it means I won't be at the house anymore, where I keep expecting to see the dog, and then crying. He'd never been to the apartment, so it should be better there. Plus I can cry without worrying about anybody seeing.
Oh yeah, I got an idea for a manga. Too bad I can't draw or write, heh.
...
Yeah, definitely going to need a new layout.
.
I'm both numb and raw. Numb mostly, until I think about him, and then crying. Yep, been here before. It was like this when my sister died. I try to squelch the crying so as not to draw attention - yeah, it's been 7-1/2 years and I STILL don't know what the fuck that's all about. Last time, it seemed like it was mostly to avoid setting my parents off crying, but that's not the whole reason. Embarrassment, not wanting to inconvenience others or make them feel awkward with my emo, etc. Either way, it's not healthy, because I need to be able to get it out, right?
Good God, I wish I could smoke in here.
When I got fired, the tears were mostly anger. Now they're mostly sadness. It's worse now, because I literally can't think about it without crying, That's just how it was when sis died, so you'd think I wouldn't be surprised, but I am. Uh, yeah, dumbass, this is what it's like when someone you love dies, duh.
Thank God I broke down and went to the anime shop the other day, so I've had a few things to distract me besides sleep. I went to buy 1 magazine, but they had last month's too which I'd missed, and then I was really weak and bought 2 manga. I rationalize like so: I'm only buying series that I was buying before, and not all of those. I.e., since I already have v.1-6 of The Wallflower, and it is awesome, might as well keep getting that one. And Antique Bakery v.3 was out, which was the final volume (or so I thought), so might as well get that one too since I love it. Oopsie, turns out there's going to be a v.4. Oh well, I am unrepentant.
I'm not buying any more of series that I was hoping would get better but haven't, and I'm not buying 1st volumes that look good. I'll be joining the rest of you pirates there, arrr. But dammit, I hate reading manga onscreen. What a pain. Anyway, Princess Tutu v.4 is also out, and I almost bought it, but rented instead. I can buy DVDs again when I get a job.
Unfortunately, I've already read the manga I bought, except for some of the Shojo Beat series that I'm not that into. I guess I'll go read those and have a smoke.
I finally got my resume sent off, though it's probably too late for this job. Whatever, having a hard time caring right now. Going to get my new hard drive tomorrow, and getting that set up will be good for hours and hours of distraction even if all goes well. Plus, it means I won't be at the house anymore, where I keep expecting to see the dog, and then crying. He'd never been to the apartment, so it should be better there. Plus I can cry without worrying about anybody seeing.
Oh yeah, I got an idea for a manga. Too bad I can't draw or write, heh.
...
Yeah, definitely going to need a new layout.
.