My Stardust Melody, Chapter 27
Chapter Warning: The same chapter warning that was in Chapter 26 still applies :(
As Luke walked out the door, Reid clenched and unclenched his fists as he listed mentally all the lies Luke had told him. The kidnapping was surely a fucking lie. Luke had probably gotten that scar on his wrist while skiing in the freaking Alps a year ago. Reid also had his doubts Babe was Luke's favorite movie--he must have said that to make himself look guileless. Well, it certainly worked, Reid thought bitterly. Hell, Luke probably hadn't even seen The Wrath of Khan.
What else? Luke cooked Thanksgiving dinner? Another lie that Reid should have seen through. Reid couldn't imagine Luke had ever seen the inside of an oven. Any of the funny stories about his grandmothers Luke told were probably crap, and hell, his parents were undoubtedly devoted to each other their entire lives. He must have gotten wind of Reid's troubled childhood somehow and decided to capitalize on it.
It ate at him that he'd told Luke about leaving Angus. He'd called it a "before" and "after" point. Well this was certainly one of those moments. Everything in his life from now on was going to be "after" Luke Snyder.
"What the hell, Reid?" Nathan barked as he walked into the bedroom.
Reid turned away from his friend and stared angrily at the floorboard a few feet in front of him. It was precisely the spot that Luke had last stood before leaving.
"Reid?" Nathan prompted urgently.
Reid looked up swiftly. "What did I do? I took your freaking bad advice and got to know Mr. Snyder. Guess what, Nathan? He's worse than anyone imaginable." He paused before cursing, "He's a fucking liar!"
Nathan let out a loud breath and asked, "What did you do?"
Reid ignored him. He rubbed his shoulder with one hand trying to loosen his still-taut muscles. "Where have you been? Did you meet up with the Seven Dwarfs in the woods?" Then an insidious thought occurred to him. "You didn't stay away just so I could spend time with Luke, did you?"
"No, Reid. If you didn't notice, there was a big ice storm yesterday. You're lucky that Maddie was able to find a couple trucks and brave the roads this morning."
Reid noticed the familiar use of Luke's friend's first name. "How did 'Maddie'," he began, sneering, "get here?"
In a calmer tone, Nathan replied, "The store Luke sent me to was closed, so I headed for the nearest house--it turned out to be Maddie's. When she saw who it was on her doorstep, she nearly slammed the door in my face. She really doesn't like you."
"Boo hoo," Reid commented nastily.
"I'm beginning to understand why," Nathan said through his teeth.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Reid said belligerently.
Nathan walked farther into the room and continued to face Reid. With his hands on his hips, he said with his voice gradually getting louder, "I've spent the last twenty-four hours assuring Maddie that you wouldn't do anything to hurt Luke, and what do I find when we walk in the door? Luke's near tears and you look furious and intimidating. What the hell did you say to him?"
Reid wasn't in the mood to defend himself. He would much rather go home, eat a hot sandwich, and stay in his room for the rest of the day. Still, he wasn't about to let Nathan think he'd done anything wrong. He was the injured party in this ridiculous, soap opera story, not Luke. "I told him the truth. Not my fault he didn't like it."
"And just what do you think the truth is?" Nathan asked, waving his hands in bewilderment.
Reid took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "What it's always been," he explained. "He's a fucking good liar who has this whole town conned into believing he's just a sweet farm boy." Just thinking about Luke's request for "respect" made his pulse surge again. "Well, they're wrong--Luke's a whore."
Nathan looked at the money still lying on the bed with dawning horror. "What's that?"
"His fee," Reid bit out.
Tugging his hair with both hands and sitting down, Nathan nearly wailed, "Oh, my God. What have you done?"
"Stop acting so dramatic. He's a big boy. He'll go home to his sugar daddy, probably get some new shiny object, and forget all about it." Reid wished he could forget Luke as easily.
"I told you that he wasn't seeing Henry!" Nathan explained, a look of exasperation passing over his features as he stared aghast at Reid.
Reid shrugged and picked some invisible lint off his shirt. "He lied to you. He tends to do that a lot."
"No, he didn't," Nathan said vehemently.
Reid grabbed Luke's phone that had been left behind. "Need proof? The two of them own this place together." He tossed evidence at Nathan.
Nathan looked down at the message and raised his brow. "Did you even ask Luke about this message?"
"Of course not. It's pretty self-explanatory."
Nathan shot up from the bed and dropped the phone. "No, it isn't! You made a lot of assumptions, Reid. It's a pretty big fucking leap to go from this message to Luke being some sort of whore. A crazy leap, Reid!" Nathan started pacing around the room, laughing in dismay. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," he chanted under his breath.
Finally, the tall man spun toward Reid and said in frustration, "I spent the better part of last night doing shots with Maddie, and she's pretty chatty when she's put back a few. She told me a lot of things about Luke and you that I hadn't heard before. Things that happened at that party, things I think you should know."
Shrugging one shoulder, Reid said, "I'm sure she's been listening to the charming tales that Mr. Snyder likes to spin." He didn't need to know the story to know it was a huge lie.
Nathan looked pained and shook his head. "Wake up, asshole! You're wrong here. I told her that there had to be some sort of mistake, that you would never have done anything like that. But, after hearing this, I'm starting to have my doubts. Maybe you are capable of that kind of cruelty. Christ, now I'm glad we came in separate cars like she insisted--if I was Luke, I wouldn't want to be trapped with you for another second."
Reid seized on the only bit of information he found interesting in that speech. "Separate cars? Great. Can we go home? I'd like to shave."
Nathan walked over to Reid and put his hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Are you listening to me? He isn't who you think he is. He works hard. He's only in business with Henry. You've got Luke all wrong--he's not a goddamned prostitute!"
"I don't care, Nathan. He's probably worse if anything," Reid conjectured. He truly didn't want to listen to this ridiculous defense of Luke. He just wanted to go home and forget that he'd ever met the unrepentant con artist. Jesus, why couldn't Nathan see that?
"You know what? We're not going home. I'm driving you over to Luke's, so you can see the truth with your own eyes, you jackass."
"What?" Reid asked, feeling a sudden panic. "I don't want to go there." The last person he wanted to see was the man who had humiliated him so badly. Not once, but twice in Reid's life, he had given thought to having a future with Luke. And two times, Luke had made a mockery of those dreams.
"That's too damn bad since I'm driving."
"Why the hell do you care what I do?" Reid demanded.
Nathan sighed, some of his outrage seeming to deflate out of his large body. "I'm your friend, Reid. I'm always your friend. And I'm telling you that you need to talk to Luke. I'm tired of being the go-between here. If our friendship means anything to you, you'll go."
"What? Are you going to call off our friendship if I don't go?" Reid said sarcastically.
Nathan surprised the hell out of him with his somber answer. "Actually, Reid, I might."
"This is that fucking important?" Reid spouted, trying to cover how hurt he was by Nathan's answer. Obviously, Nathan had been completely snowed by Luke's insidious lies.
"Yeah, Reid, it's that important," Nathan said softly.
Upon reflection, given how much Reid had fallen for Luke's deceit, Reid supposed he couldn't entirely blame his friend. Luke had a gift for convincing people he was a decent person. "And just what will I tell him? I don't think I exactly have an engraved invitation to the Snyder estate."
Nathan turned and picked up Luke's cellphone. "You want an excuse? Fine, you wanted to return his phone." He grimaced and asked, "Geez, does he even know you were reading his text messages?"
"No, he doesn't. And I thought it might be you texting. That's the only reason I read it," Reid explained with a note of defensiveness in his voice.
"Me? First off, I don't have his number, and second, I didn't think anyone had reception here."
"It was early; I wasn't thinking clearly. Besides, if I hadn't read it, I might never have known what that asshole really is." Reid shrugged, not particularly worried about having violated Luke's privacy.
"Yes, you're certainly thinking clearly now," Nathan said derisively. He closed his eyes for a few charged seconds, looking as if he smelled something vile. "Let's just go. Grab the stupid phone and your stuff."
Twenty minutes later, Nathan turned Maddie's car into the drive of the ramshackle farmhouse. Reid could barely speak to Nathan he was so pissed at being highhandedly told what to do. He couldn't believe Nathan had threatened their friendship, and he hated the fact that he was weak and afraid of losing it.
"Why are we here? This is that weird horse whisperer's house," Reid said with exasperation.
"Just go inside, Reid." Nathan's tone was just as unenthusiastic.
"No."
"I will not drive you home until you go inside that house and talk to Luke." Nathan spoke as if Reid were a child, which only further irritated the doctor.
"I've already talked to Luke," Reid said petulantly.
"No, you've hurled accusations and made a bunch of god-awful assumptions. Go in there and get to the truth." He paused and said quietly, "I mean it, Reid."
The implication that their friendship was on the line hung heavily in the air. "Fine," Reid muttered and slammed the car door after he got outside. He trudged through the yard to the back porch. Just as he was about to knock, a small, brunette woman with lethal eyes opened the door.
"If you're who I think you are, you should leave," she said.
"Who the hell are you?" Reid asked, his eyes fixing on Henry a few steps behind her.
"Henry's wife, Barbara," she said proudly, her disdain for Reid clearly expressed in her rigid posture.
Unable to process this information, Reid's first reaction was to say incredulously to Henry, "You're cheating on Luke with her?"
Barbara laughed. "I can assure you that's not the case. Henry is very much straight and devoted to me."
Henry, looking more menacing than Reid would have thought possible, lurched toward the door and said loudly, "You need to leave."
Reid narrowed his eyes and tugged at the cuff of his jacket sleeve. "As much as I'd like that, I'm afraid that's not possible. Would you tell Mr. Snyder to get out here?" Reid felt a little ill-at-ease as he watched Henry snake a hand around Barbara's waist. He didn't buy for a minute that Luke and Henry weren't involved sexually, but a whisper of doubt crossed his mind.
"I'm not your messenger boy, and I'm not dragging Luke away from his family," Henry said stubbornly.
Reid rolled his eyes at this farce. "Fine, I'll go to him, then."
"You know what?" Henry said, his voice a little slurred from what smelled like brandy. "Luke deserves the honor of kicking you out. I'd like to see this." He grabbed Barbara's hand and they walked inside, leaving Reid to follow.
A tingling feeling ran up the back of Reid's neck, and he rubbed the sensation away with his hand. He knew with complete certainty that he was right about Luke, but as he dragged his feet across the kitchen he started to feel dread about what he was about to see. He still had no idea why he was at this farmhouse and not Luke's mansion nor did he know what the hell Nathan had been going on about. Henry had a wife, which made no sense, and she was clearly an idiot to have faith in that guy. Reid was certain that Luke and Henry were having an affair.
As he approached the pine door, Henry and Barbara moved to let him go first. He could hear the sound of Christmas music coming from a stereo somewhere in the next room. Reid hesitated, the first serious wave of doubt hitting him now. Shaking off the senseless anxiety, he pushed opened the door to the living room, a blaze of warmth and the smell of Christmas assaulting him. The scent of pine and soot hit his nose first. He almost had to step back into the kitchen from shock. He groaned, realizing he'd forgotten that it was a holiday. Couldn't Nathan have decided to lose his mind on a day that didn't involve singing and ritually imbibing eggnog?
Reid's gaze adjusted to the dimmer light of the room--dozens of red and green candles and the fire provided light. His mouth fell open because he couldn't comprehend what he was seeing. Strewn across a modestly furnished room were handmade Christmas decorations. A tiny, adorned tree with a star on top stood in one corner. By the fireplace were small, empty stockings and their contents were scattered around the room in small piles. Little jars of handmade jam, crocheted socks and hats, packs of pencils, and bags of drugstore candy were visible. The four occupants were oblivious to Reid's presence, which gave him a few moments to take in his surroundings.
On a threadbare sofa sat Luke with his foot propped up on a small wooden chest. He was wearing a well-worn Christmas sweater while the other people in the room wore Christmas pajamas. A little boy who looked like a miniature version of Luke was tucked beside him. A girl, who couldn't have been more than fourteen or fifteen, was handing Luke a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Another girl, this one a few years older, was sitting on a plaid armchair and gushing over a gift in her hand, the wrapping paper lying beside her on the floor.
"Oh, Luke," she cried. "I can't believe you did this! A laptop!"
Luke smiled warmly. "You deserve it, Faith. You got that scholarship."
"But Luke, the money!" she exclaimed, wrinkling her brow.
"We can afford it," Luke said firmly. Even from the distance, Reid could see from its size it was a very old model of laptop. Reid's gaze was momentarily riveted on the object as he was unable to comprehend why anyone would worry about Luke Snyder purchasing a cheap computer.
"But Luke, all we got you was a shirt." Her voice was rueful.
"I needed a new dress shirt, and I love the color," Luke replied, holding up the pale blue item of discussion. "And don't forget the jam and the scarf you made."
She sighed. "I just wish you'd at least gotten a little more of a break from work. If that jerk hadn't hit you with his car…"
Luke silently shook his head at her, indicating the boy at his side with a pointed glance.
The boy, however, had picked up on the tenor of the conversation. "Faith said yesterday that she wished Santa had run that doctor down with his sled," he chimed.
Luke groaned. "And what did you say?"
"That you said everyone should be nice on Christmas. Even to that dumb doctor."
Behind Reid, Henry cleared his throat. Four pairs of eyes turned toward the two men standing at the doorway. "And God bless us, every one," Henry announced to the room.
With a direct view now of their faces, Reid saw that the foursome were related to each other. Cold dread shot through Reid's veins. There obviously were things about Luke's life he didn't know, and he honestly wasn't sure he wanted to know. Nathan's warning that he'd been dead wrong about Luke blared in his mind, and he wondered just how much of a mistake he'd made. He nervously pinched the bridge of his nose, then dropped his hand to his side.
"Luke, who are these people?" he asked, his eyes locking on the blond with determination.
Luke's face paled as he stood up quickly and clenched his fists. Ignoring the question, he said in a stunned voice, "What are you doing here?"
"Returning your phone," Reid clipped, pulling the item out of his pocket and tossing it on the sofa where Luke had been sitting. "Now who are these people?"
Slowly, and in a stern voice, Luke replied, "You need to watch what you say here." Then, more gently, he said, "These are my sisters, Faith and Natalie, and my brother, Ethan."
"Where are their…your parents…" Reid couldn't formulate his thoughts fast enough. Luke's parents were dead, and Luke looked to be the oldest here by at least five years. Surely, he wasn't responsible for raising these kids. On the mantle, Reid spotted a picture of the couple that must have been Luke's parents. They were in some shots with younger versions of Luke and his siblings. But as he looked around the room and saw recent pictures of Luke--and only Luke--with these kids, the truth began to emerge. Why the hell hadn't Luke told him this? A wave of panic over how wrong he might have been washed over Reid. He stifled it, reasoning that these kids might be part of Luke's manipulations. Maybe they were hired actors, and Luke's schemes went deeper than Reid could even imagine. While that seemed preposterous, there had to me some explanation.
Luke began ushering the children toward the door, keeping a wary eye on Reid. "Henry, why don't you take the kids upstairs to Maddie while I speak to Reid? You all can help get Ethan changed for the sleigh ride."
Without comment, Henry nodded and disappeared with the kids. Reid noted that the two girls both gave him deadly glares as they marched out of the room.
"Can they hear us?" Reid asked, following Luke to the fireplace.
Luke stared at the door his siblings had exited for a moment, then seemed to drag his thoughts to the present. "No."
Folding his arms across his chest, Reid asked in bewildered anger, "What the hell, Luke? What is this?"
With barefaced annoyance, Luke replied, "They're my siblings, Reid. I just told you that."
"Then why haven't I heard about them before? It seems pretty far-fetched that you suddenly have two sisters and a brother."
"I don't suddenly have anything, Reid," Luke replied coldly. "And how dare you come into my home on Christmas! After making me think you understood me, you turned around and spewed that crap this morning. Was calling me a prostitute not enough for you? Are you here for more? If so, I'm about to ruin your Christmas, Reid, because I'm not going to listen to another damn word!"
"Fine," Reid said, infuriated by Luke's counterfeit outrage. "Don't tell me. It's not like you'd admit this is just another fucking lie. So maybe you can explain why you are in this farmhouse? Why is your sister worrying over the cost of a cheap laptop?"
Luke let out an exasperated breath. "What do you want me to say, Reid? You won't believe anything I tell you. You've made that abundantly clear."
"I want to know the truth, if that's possible."
"Since when?" Luke replied, leaning away from Reid and against the mantle.
Reid huffed, "Since I walked in on Bob Crachit's Christmas. Why aren't you at the mansion?"
Luke looked at Reid like he was crazy. "What mansion, Reid? What are you talking about now?"
Reid drew the shape of a house in the air with his fingers. "The big, cushy place where you live. That mansion."
Luke groaned. "Reid, I haven't lived in a mansion since I was nineteen. I've lived here most of my life. I told you I grew up on a farm."
"I thought this was where that farmworker lived now."
"Andy?" Luke laughed harshly. "He has a nice apartment across town. I live here, like I have most of my life."
"With your siblings," Reid added inanely, still trying to make sense of everything.
Luke nodded once and said, "Yes. Now that you have that straight, get the hell out!"
Reid was incredulous. "We don't have anything straight. When I met you, you were rolling in money!"
Luke shook his head and corrected him. "No, when you met me, Damian and I were trying to look like we had money so that we could attract more investors. That party was our last-ditch effort to save Grimaldi from bankruptcy. And it would have worked if I hadn't run into you."
Wary of another lie coming from Luke, Reid folded his arms and asked, "Just how did I ruin your big plans?" He couldn't wait to hear this piece of bullshit.
"By telling a room full of investors that Grimaldi was going bankrupt!" Luke said, nearly shouting.
Reid still didn't believe him. "But, there was money! You were dressed like a movie star. Your father mentioned a trust fund. Don't all you tycoons declare bankruptcy and still have millions?"
Luke snorted and testily explained, "No, Reid, it doesn't always work that way. I'm not Donald Trump. And there was never a trust fund. Damian just said that to see if you were interested in me for money. He was trying to protect me, and I was trying to protect my brother and sisters."
Abruptly, the real liar became crystal clear in Reid's mind. Oh Christ. Hadn't he wondered in the cabin if Damian might have prevaricated? Didn't Nathan suggest that exact thing? In a more subdued tone, he said, "Your father told me that you couldn't touch your trust fund and that's why you kept trying to make Julian Raines jealous--to wrangle more gifts out of him. I never said a word about being interested in your money."
Luke flinched as if he'd been slapped. "You'd say anything to hurt me, wouldn't you? It's convenient for you that Damian isn't here to defend himself. When have I ever given you a reason to think I'm interested in you for your money? Name one time, Reid."
Reid thought back, searching his mind for one instance where Luke had displayed a bit of greed. But even with his photographic memory, Reid couldn't think of an answer to give the blond. His face flushed and his stomach twisted at the realization. "What did he tell you?" Reid asked in a soft, determined tone.
"That once you found out I couldn't touch my inheritance, you admitted you were only interested in the size of the donation I could make to your neurology unit."
"And you believed that?" Reid asked incredulously, outrage once again beginning to build up inside him.
Luke shook his head. "Not at first, but you wouldn't speak to me. Then you called me a 'waste of time.' What was I supposed to think?"
Reid rubbed his fingers over his eyes. "And then I bankrupted you." He said it more to himself than to Luke. The image of the two Snyder girls looking at him in disgust rose to his mind, and he realized just how much he deserved it. He couldn't believe he'd called Luke a "waste of time" so soon, and so cruelly, after they had slept together. That he'd said it--and, oh God, so many other things--to an alcoholic, a man with admitted self-esteem issues over losing a kidney, was appalling.
He thought he might be sick. Before anything else could hinder it, he decided to get the rest of the story out on the table so Luke could understand. "Your father told me point blank that you hired that guy to attack me in the garden so you could play the hero."
Something in Reid's tone must have cut through Luke's suspicions because the blond appeared startled and wary. "What? How did he even know about it?"
"Well, I assumed you'd told him about it, and he made it seem like it was commonplace with you. So between that and what he said about you and Julian, I left. He was…convincing. When I heard some guys talking about investing in Grimaldi, I just blurted out the truth. I wasn't thinking clearly. I swear I didn't think it would really hurt you."
Luke turned toward the fire and braced both of his hands on the weathered mantle. He closed his eyes and said nothing for several long minutes. Finally, he dropped his hands and pivoted toward Reid. The fire in the hearth seemed wintry compared to the heat coming from Luke's eyes. Slowly, he began speaking, his voice increasing in volume and speed as he went. "You're telling me because of Damian's lies and your stupidity that I've been forced to barely eke out a living for the past few years? That my siblings have had to wear hand-me-downs and skip school functions because I couldn't afford them? Julian has been hanging around like a vulture ready to swoop in and take the farm if I'm a minute late with my mortgage payment. Do you know how much stress I've been under?"
Reid couldn't bear to look at Luke. "I didn't know," he said weakly.
"Didn't know! Did you know someone has been trying to sabotage our horses and doesn't seem to care if I get killed in the process? You remember, Reid-- you accused me of trying to frame you for attempted murder. Of course that's before you became so busy accusing me of being a fucking prostitute. So when would you have had the time to find out the truth? Henry, the completely heterosexual guy you like to call my pimp? Well, if Henry hadn't offered to go into the horseracing business with me, I'd probably be living in a tent in Jack's backyard! He's been the only thing between me and poverty. And you're telling me it's because my own father lied, we both believed it, and then you decided I deserved to be punished? What is wrong with you?"
"Luke, I'm sorry. I didn't know!" Reid felt pathetic at his weak apology. All the crap he said to Luke over the past few weeks came flooding back to him: how he'd termed Henry Luke's sugar daddy, how he taunted Luke about his wealth and greed, how he'd thrown money at Luke this morning and called him a whore. Christ, Reid had felt so self-righteous and smug when Luke had apologized for costing the doctor his job. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the first intense wave of regret washed over him. Horror rushed through his veins as he cataloged every appalling mistake he had made. How could he have been so sickeningly wrong?
Luke shook his head and walked over to a worn armchair that was covered in a crocheted afghan. Looking at his hands resting on his lap, he said barely above a whisper, "I work two jobs, go to school, and barely see those kids, and it's all because Damian lied and you couldn't stick around for five seconds to hear me out!"
Without another chair close by, Reid kneeled down in front of Luke. At this point Reid needed to know everything--the whole fucking truth that he'd willfully ignored for weeks. How many signs had he dismissed? Luke's plain clothes, his work on the farm, the way Luke never complained in the cabin--everything had suggested that Luke wasn't the greedy, manipulative liar that Reid had stupidly taken him for. Reid had seen what he wanted to see. He had said horrible things that were unforgivable--and that was before this morning. Luke had seemed to forgive him those things, but Reid couldn't imagine that the younger man would ever forgive being offered money for sex and called a whore. It was too much to ask of anyone.
Two years too late, Reid realized Luke had an honorable and forgiving soul. He now realized he had been so very fortunate in Luke's treatment of him. Luke had never, not once, made any accusations or said anything hurtful to him. And how had Reid repaid him? With insults and venemous accusations. All this time, Reid had thought the blond was living the high-life, but Luke was taking care of three children and barely scraping by and…oh God…when Reid thought about all that he had said and done, he felt small and insignificant in comparison.
Starting where Luke had left off, Reid asked, "Why are you in school?" He thought Luke had every right to throw him out of the house, but the blond surprised him by answering.
Luke seemed dazed and small as he related the story. "It was part of my deal with Henry--he insisted I go because I had to leave college when my parents died so that I could come back home. When I got here, I found out my mother had squandered every last cent we had with bad investments and I had to sell everything, including the cabin we were in, to keep this farm. I just wanted to keep some of the warm memories from childhood for the kids. Then Damian came, and we tried to make a go of Grimaldi, but it just didn't work.
"I can't believe he'd do this," Luke said helplessly and with self-loathing. He began speaking to himself, as if Reid wasn't there. "After all the times I've forgiven him, I thought he'd finally been honest with me. Without my dad around for competition, I thought Damian might be able to stay sincere. But no, he lied, it blew up in his face, and then he took off for god-knows-where. Trust? What the hell was I thinking?" His laugh was brittle as he buried his head in his hands. "God, I’m so tired of dealing with everything myself. And Damian knew it. He knew I missed my mom and dad. He knew I needed help, and then he left me with all this."
Reid stared in horror at Luke. The picture of Luke's life for the past two years--maybe longer--was coming quickly into focus. Luke had never been the spoiled mercenary Reid had thought. Instead, Luke had labored for years just to put food on the table for his siblings, a responsibility that he shouldered alone and without complaint. He had taken on a staggering burden at a young age, determined to provide for his family out of love. He'd buried his grief for his parents and grandparents and raised three children with love, doing his very best to protect them.
Clearing his throat, Reid tried to think of anything he could say to make Luke feel better. "Look, I can't imagine what you went through…what you're going through. I've never been responsible for someone else, and I'm not sure I would have handled it as well as you."
Luke seemed startled to hear Reid's voice, as if he'd forgotten the doctor was even in the room. Wearily, Luke said, "I really don't want to discuss this with you of all people."
A cold knot formed in Reid's queasy stomach over his own idiocy and heartlessness. "Luke, I know you're upset," he began, not sure what he was going to say but feeling the need to say something about how he regretted his behavior. And which behavior would that be Reid, he asked himself with acute self-recrimination. When you bankrupted him without listening to him? Or how you accused him of being a greedy whore while he lived here on this farm trying to raise his siblings as best he could? Reid couldn't believe how abominably he had behaved in the face of Luke's honorable behavior.
Luke sighed. "Reid, can't you just leave me alone? I've got a lot to deal with."
"Luke, I'm sorry." He was so sorry. His ability to self-destruct apparently knew no bounds. Reid had blown the best chance at love he would likely every have. "Sorry" didn't begin to cover how he felt.
Luke looked directly into Reid's eyes, some of the fire coming back into the blond's expression. "For what? Thinking that I sleep with men for money? I'll have you know that I never slept with Julian, and I do believe you just met Barbara," he said acidly.
Hopeless and wretched, Reid hung his head but didn't look away from Luke. "Yes, for that, for all of it. For what I've said, for what I've done. Christ, for not hanging around for two more seconds at that party to talk to you!"
Luke leaned forward and his eyes flashed angrily as he asked, "What about throwing money at me this morning because that's what you thought it took to get me to have sex? Well, how about it, Reid? Now that you know I truly don't have any money, I must be desperate, right? I bet if you flashed a fifty in front of me, I'd drop to my knees right now. Isn't that how your mind works?"
Reid reached his hand toward the blond, but Luke flinched away. The doctor shook his head and urgently replied, "Luke, no, I wouldn't do that. But if I could help you in any way, I would!"
"Don't touch me," Luke ordered in a lethal voice. His mouth tightened as he considered Reid's question. "And just what do you mean by that?"
Reid stretched his hands, palms up, toward Luke. "Just tell me what you need. Is it money? I could lend a hand--with the mortgage or school or whatever you want."
In a low, menacing tone, Luke replied, "Seriously? After all you've said about me taking money from Henry and Julian, you think I'd ever take money from you? You've got to be fucking kidding me!"
"Don't look at it like that, Luke. This is a sincere offer," Reid said.
Luke ignored him. "Would there be strings attached? Maybe you'd like a letter every now and then from your little foster family telling you how grateful we are and how we're spending your money? Or maybe you're just hoping this is the offer I need to go to bed with you. Maybe I'll 'respect' you then as you said this morning."
Tears pricked the back of Reid's eyes, taking him by surprise. His voice was rough with emotion as he replied, "No! Jesus, Luke, no! I don't expect anything. How could I after all that's happened? I just want to help you and your family. That's it. I was an idiot this morning. I saw the text from Henry and came to the wrong conclusions."
"What text?" Luke asked with hostility.
Reid wondered if he could sink any lower in Luke's opinion. Uncomfortably, he admitted, "Um, Henry sent you a text calling you his 'boyfriend,' saying that he'd paid your phone bill, and that he'd heard you were at 'our cabin.' Obviously he meant his cabin with his wife, but I thought he meant it was yours."
"So your first reaction was to treat me like I walk around in a G-string with dollar bills spilling out?"
Reid looked at the ceiling and tried to find the right words. "I was hurt and stupid." He added in stunned disbelief, "Christ, why did you let me believe you still had money?" Reid knew he'd been in the wrong with all his accusations, but Luke could have easily cleared up much of the misunderstanding.
"Because it's none of your business, Reid. My finances shouldn't be anyone's business but my own. And it's not like I'm living some extravagant lifestyle. I think it's pretty obvious I'm not making six figures. I work at Henry's diner for God's sake."
"You work at the diner?" Reid asked. He'd reached a point of such intense bewilderment that he was almost numb to this new information.
"It wasn't a secret."
Seizing on the word, "secret," Reid felt a surge of impotent fury. Luke certainly had a lot of secrets. "And those kids? Why haven't you ever mentioned them?" he demanded.
Instead of shouting back at Reid, Luke leaned back in his chair and smiled sadly. "I was going to when I thought I could trust you with it. You've been so hideous to me that I couldn't rule out you treating my family badly because they're related to me. How was I to know that you wouldn't use something I've done or something you think I've done to hurt them? At every turn, you've let me know you think I'm the lowest sort of person. What else would I think but that you might treat them the same?" Luke shrugged one shoulder. "So, I didn't tell you about them. The longer you went on without knowing of their existence, the less risk there was of you hurting them. "
Luke's answer hurt him more than he could have imagined. "You really think I'd hurt a child?" Reid asked in horrified astonishment. That Reid had sunk so low in Luke's or anyone's estimation was crushing. A child? Luke thought Reid would hurt a child?
"No, but I didn't know for sure. I was erring on the side of caution because everything I do is about them, not me. They've been hurt by our parents' death and Damian leaving, not to mention the stuff that happened when they were younger. Too much has happened to them in their short lives--too much pain. You'll have to excuse me if I didn't want to expose them to you being a jackass. I have to protect them the best way I know how…I'm all they have, and they're all I've got in this world. I would be nothing without them."
"You're…you're right," Reid admitted sadly. He almost didn't recognize the small voice coming from his lips as his own. When he looked at Luke's unhappy, brown eyes, Reid couldn't blame the younger man for being wary with his siblings. Not only had most people in Luke's life given him reason to be distrustful, but Reid had been single-minded in his malice. Why should Luke have trusted him? If Reid were in Luke's shoes, he wouldn't have. Nausea from the absolute revulsion he felt for himself rose up inside of him.
Luke folded his arms across his chest and snorted. "Tell me something I don't know." In a softer voice, Luke continued, "I have to keep them safe no matter what. No matter what it costs me personally. The least I can do is shield them from harm."
Luke's words struck Reid like physical blows to his heart. After having accused Luke of horrible, self-centered manipulations--so similar to Reid's own mother's actions--Luke turned out to be doing the exact opposite. The blond offered the protection and love to his siblings that Reid had grown up missing. Reid had never been so cynical as to believe that all children had his sort of neglectful upbringing--he'd seen the proof from Nathan's parents--but somewhere in his mind he never thought he'd be offered a taste of that kind of love. He was so profoundly fucked up that he obviously found it easier to believe Luke was some kind of whore than an honest, caring person. How many convoluted conclusions had he made about Luke that proved Reid's weakness?
That Reid had subjected Luke to his own perverted insecurity and lashed out viciously over and over again made the doctor feel bottomless shame.
After a pause, Reid had one last question. "In the cabin, you knew I caused the bankruptcy. Why didn't you say anything? Hell, why were you being nice to me?" He asked this without any acrimony because he wanted to understand how someone could be so kind in such circumstances.
"Well, at first Maddie thought I shouldn't mention it in case you might still be interested in my money. But honestly, as I got to know you, I thought Damian might have misunderstood or even have lied to me." Then, with bitterness in his voice, he added, "Funny how I never considered that he might have lied to you."
Shifting in his seat, Luke continued wearily, "I thought you acted out of anger, which I deserved for lying about Julian. And you told me about losing your job, and I didn't want to seem like I was trying to one-up you. I would have eventually brought it up, but I never found a good time."
Reid remembered how he had debated accepting Luke's apology in the cabin, how he had questioned Luke's very sincerity. He then considered how he had condescendingly doubted Luke's worth, as if Reid were somehow better than the blond. He'd unfairly let Luke shoulder every bit of the blame, which Luke accepted as graciously as he had assumed all the tragic burdens in his life. Reid was sure that he could never feel enough remorse and guilt for his vile behavior toward this noble man.
"Luke, I know you don't want money from me--I get that--but is there anything I can do? I want to make this better." There had to be something he could do, Reid thought desperately.
"Honestly? I want you to leave. It's Christmas, and I want to spend it with the kids. I need time to think. So, can you just leave?" Luke's voice broke on his last words, and Reid realized how close Luke was to falling apart.
Reid's hands trembled as he felt completely helpless in the face of Luke's desolation. He looked at the blond's drawn face, and remembered the first time they'd met. Reid had known in his gut that Luke was a gentle, kind person, the sort of man Reid had always dreamed of meeting. And instead of trusting his own, honest reaction to Luke, he'd spent every moment doubting and denigrating him. It made him ill…now he knew without any bit of doubt that his initial assessment of Luke had been true: Luke was an inherently good and intensely honorable man. All Reid had done was tear him into shreds…he was a monster.
Wordless, impotent rage at Damian for hurting his son and lying to Reid rose up in Reid's chest and then just as quickly turned inward towards himself. If he hadn't had the predisposition to condemn Luke, Damian would not have been able to manipulate them.
Forcing himself to stand up, Reid wondered if he'd see Luke again and his heart lurched. Unsteadily, he said, "I can't wipe away the hurt Damian caused you, but please know I'm sorry for my role in this mess and everything I've said since." He looked down at Luke's pained face and tried to memorize every line--the doctor planned to torture himself with this memory in the empty years to come. Luke was honesty and joy and goodness, and Reid--with Damian--had reduced the younger man to this wretched moment. Reid knew he would no longer need the stars to remind him of Luke; he would carry this heartbreaking image with him for the rest of his life.
Luke raised his eyes to Reid and nodded mutely. Whether it was an acceptance of the apology or a dismissal, Reid wasn't sure. Reid turned and quietly exited the room, glancing once at Luke who still sat on the chair and stared emptily at the floor. As he walked into the kitchen, he picked up his pace. By the time he was outside, he was sprinting to the car as if he could somehow outrun the misery he now carried inside.