Fic: Hwlabr
I'm supposed to be writing an essay on Nietzsche in German, and somehow I just don't feel motivated, so I thought I would post the first chapter of my first-ever H/W fic on here. It might as well be called "Night of the Living Mary-Sues". It's really un-great. But I'm bored. So meh.
Title: He Was Like a Bearded Rainbow
Chapter Heading: The Rainbow Has a Beard
Rating: PG-ish, for now
Pairing: House/OF; House/Wilson (kinda)
A/N: The titles are from the Cream song Swlabr. I'm extremely sorry about the Mary-Sue. I just can't help it.
Feedback: Be gentle with me.
His normal gait, unbalanced but strangely graceful, had turned into something almost resembling a swagger. Instead of his cane, he was leaning on a young woman. They shared the infuriatingly smug half-smile of the newly coupled. The redundant cane looked out, forlorn and vaguely reproachful, from its new horizontal position in his right hand.
"So why have you been keeping me away from Wilson?"
"He would probably try to sleep with you, that’s what he does to anything else that moves."
"I see. So why now? Decided to share?"
House grinned into the top of her head. "Never! But I eventually decided you could be trusted. Even if he can’t. So promise me you’ll be a good girl and not run off with Uncle Wilson."
"OK, just one small point? The whole thing where you infantilise me really isn’t working."
"Sowwy, It’s just because you’re so cute, aren’t you? Yes you are!"
"That’s it, it’s over, you’re dumped."
"That’s cool... can I still lean on you? Just until we get to the theatre."
"Only if you buy me a drink afterwards."
"Done."
"One more thing."
"What?"
"Do I have to call him Wilson?"
Wilson leant against the wall of the theatre. It wasn’t a pretty theatre; not the kind of theatre he imagined when he heard the word ‘theatre’. It was concrete and it hurt his back. House was bringing along his new girlfriend, Mo, or… Jo, or… something. Actually, this whole outing had been her idea. She was from England. Wilson wasn’t entirely sure why, but this woman was annoying him already. He tried to imagine what her voice might sound like… Daphne Moon from Frasier? Or maybe she would be a cockney. He couldn’t think of any other English accents, off the top of his head. He could see a couple approaching, and although he knew it was them, he kept on staring past them. The road behind was strewn with blossom which was swirling in the breeze, and he narrowed his eyes and looked steadfastly at the 7-eleven on the corner, and at the setting sun.
"Hey, Wilson. This is Flo. Flo, Wilson."
"James," she intoned, bowing her head slightly. She sounded amused. So did House, for that matter. As though they had been laughing, and had now stopped for his benefit. She had the same accent as Kristin Scott Thomas.
"Pleased to meet you. I like your…"
"Shoes?"
"What?" He replied, startled.
"Were you going to say earrings? I’m not wearing any. I thought I’d help you out. How are your dreams, hopes and aspirations?"
"Did House tell you to say that?"
"Absolutely. In actual fact, he has his hand up my arse as we speak. He’s working the mouth."
Wilson turned to his friend. "I didn’t know you could throw your voice."
"Just don’t ask me to get you a bottle of beer," said Flo.
"Hey, now you’re messing with me. You’re short enough to be a dummy, but there’s no way you’re old enough to order alcohol."
She exhaled slowly as though trying to hold on to her temper, but then cut this activity short and started laughing. "And I thought Greg was a bastard."
"Hey, hey, hey! There will be no casting of aspersions on my status as supreme bastard, thank you very much," House interrupted, enjoying the fight.
"Where were you when my honour needed defending?"
"Getting my hand out of your ass."
"What about my honour?" added Wilson, looking peeved.
"I have no excuse for that one. As I’m sure you will confirm, my hand was nowhere near your ass. Now stop looking so peeved."
House handed his cane to Flo and put his right arm around Wilson’s shoulders. "Now let’s get us some culture!"
The threesome strolled into the theatre. Two of them were smiling despite themselves. One of them was just smiling.
Part 2