All hope lost, but then again there's Pascal's Wager
Before all this, I have to say that I am committed to truth in my life. I am committed to the good, the bad, and letting myself take it as it for real - so if you feel bothered by someone really speaking completely as who they are, where they are, and just being real - I'd suggest reading something else. I have a lot to offer the world - but no one goes through life without having rough spots and if you don't care to be around people who do - you're a lot more fucked than you can imagine.
This year was a somewhat pleasant and somewhat tough set of holidays for me. It's the second year that my father has been passed away - so no hearing from him. No hearing from my step mom either, but that's a whole different blog entry.
I had a relationship that I tried to keep working for a couple years that I finally decided it was too much to handle. Too much good mixed with bad and craziness to lead my life into an abyss of confusion and pain. So, I broke that off earlier in the year. The feelings I have remind me of a french film called Trop Belle Pour Toi - not at all in the content of the film, but the strange way that the story is told sort of is what it feels like - a confusion of realities and outcomes.
My financial situation was pleasant with the exception of the continued loaning of money to family in the US which has been a topic of a lot of pain and annoyance to me in life. You do what you should to take care of family, but there's limits that we all must face in life as to when we're burning ourselves out. I love them very much and I have them in my thoughts every day wherever I might be.
I had a lovely visit with my friend Erik for Christmas eve and received the one gift of a large piece of cheese. Thank you Erik. I'll be baking some Vasterbrottens Östpajar when I can. The conversation at his mom's Christmas was really nice and interesting. Otherwise, I didn't get any presents. Maybe I could say that I've been working out and I'm giving myself a gift in the form of good health. Then again - the worst curse in life could be living a long tedious and painful life - based on great health.
New Years with the D Unit was pleasant. My conversations with Dee keep getting more interesting through the years which is pretty awesome.
What does this all add up to? When life gives you lemons, they're fucking lemons. You still need sugar and water to make the lemonade. It might sound bleak and awful - but I've been worse off and the truth is that we have no choice other than to keep playing the game and hope it can get better. I've got a lot to look forward to regardless of all the shit.
Pascal's wager relates to this in the fact that if there's no downside, you always make the bet. There's no downside to keeping going - so I keep making the bet and 2015 is here.
This year was a somewhat pleasant and somewhat tough set of holidays for me. It's the second year that my father has been passed away - so no hearing from him. No hearing from my step mom either, but that's a whole different blog entry.
I had a relationship that I tried to keep working for a couple years that I finally decided it was too much to handle. Too much good mixed with bad and craziness to lead my life into an abyss of confusion and pain. So, I broke that off earlier in the year. The feelings I have remind me of a french film called Trop Belle Pour Toi - not at all in the content of the film, but the strange way that the story is told sort of is what it feels like - a confusion of realities and outcomes.
My financial situation was pleasant with the exception of the continued loaning of money to family in the US which has been a topic of a lot of pain and annoyance to me in life. You do what you should to take care of family, but there's limits that we all must face in life as to when we're burning ourselves out. I love them very much and I have them in my thoughts every day wherever I might be.
I had a lovely visit with my friend Erik for Christmas eve and received the one gift of a large piece of cheese. Thank you Erik. I'll be baking some Vasterbrottens Östpajar when I can. The conversation at his mom's Christmas was really nice and interesting. Otherwise, I didn't get any presents. Maybe I could say that I've been working out and I'm giving myself a gift in the form of good health. Then again - the worst curse in life could be living a long tedious and painful life - based on great health.
New Years with the D Unit was pleasant. My conversations with Dee keep getting more interesting through the years which is pretty awesome.
What does this all add up to? When life gives you lemons, they're fucking lemons. You still need sugar and water to make the lemonade. It might sound bleak and awful - but I've been worse off and the truth is that we have no choice other than to keep playing the game and hope it can get better. I've got a lot to look forward to regardless of all the shit.
Pascal's wager relates to this in the fact that if there's no downside, you always make the bet. There's no downside to keeping going - so I keep making the bet and 2015 is here.