so um yeah...

Jun 22, 2005 23:45

oh my I must say, confusing situations sure do make life interesting. It seems as though once a plan seems to be set in motion, there must be some sort of outside force holding you back. It's not to say that I'm angered in anyway, rather I seem to find myself sad about it. Really on the one hand it seems so easy, yet at the same time it seems ridiculously complicated. I've come to realize that in any sort of new scenario that is quickly approaching there is some sort of temptation to stay. To live in the present and lose sight of the future. However, that's an impossibility. One must never lose sight of the future, if some of it is predetermined it must be taken into consideration. To me it seems somewhat biblical in the sense that God tests us, with a temptation, ie Judas betraying Judas. He took into consideration the present, that being the reward, not the future, his fate.

So the question becomes, what is there to do? Unlike Judas, my life is not in some sort of balance that I must maintain, rather it's just a tie back to this place I once found myself so desperate leave. From the sounds of it, I may seem depressed. Quite to the contrary, I'm actually quite happy. I just wonder what would make me happier, continuing with what I'm doing, or playing for the present. Despite already knowing the answer, that being that I cannot play for the present, the future has too great an affect. I know what the future will be right now if I stay on this track. Should I choose to stray from this course, I will soon find myself in uncharted territories, unaware of the road that lies ahead. While that can bring great fortune, it can also bring great despair, and not being in need of any sort of great reward, I see no reason to take the risk.

I must say though that I had a fantastic day, which is probably what adds to all this confusion. I really just love hanging around and spending time with awesome people. I know that I'm on my way to one incredibly memorable summer and I like that. I was so worried that it was all going to blow up in my face and become just plain awful. I was prepping for it before I even had some sort of hint of that actually becoming a reality. Oh well, it's all past and no longer something I need concern myself with.

I'm going to new york this weekend to see Spam-a-lot, I'm excited yet I 'm missing the sounds of the underground tour, I'm quite torn. Oh well, hopefully it'll be a good time.
Previous post Next post
Up