"It's how I love the feeling, of sex and desperation..."
ugh I can't ever seem to figure out why I get this way, why I have moments where I just get a little down. It's the kind of thing that doesn't make any sense. I should be happy, yet for some reason there's this feeling eating away at me, almost like something is missing. I can't quite explain it, and really it's nothing to pay attention to. I think it's just confusion on my part. Confusion about why some things are the way they are or what I should do about other situations. I feel like I want to give some sort of definitive answer yet it's not a possibility. I wish I could put my finger on it and explain it, but I can't. I've just have had that sort of blah day that doesn't make any sense. I have no idea why, and I'm sure this is completely irrelevant and should merely be disregarded...
So last night was prom, of which I was not in attendance. To be hoenst, I had a great time and I'm glad I didn't go. Prom to me is nothing that I enjoy and I had a fun night without the unnecessary dress and such. Although in a sense I do feel somewhat guilty, it has become very apparent to me that my mom was incredibly disappointed she didn't get to see me go to a senior prom. I can't change that, it's the way she is. She's one of those people that really likes seeing my dressed up and partaking in the stereotypical social events
organized by the schoool. However, as is the case with most of my life, I don't conform to it. And I discouraged I didn't go? No, and that makes me feel all the worse. I have no regrets about not being at my senior prom, when I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to look back upon it and say, "I don't care that it's not my thing, I should have been there." But I'm not like that at all. I suppose one could draw the conclusion that it is my way of rebelling against the norm; or rather, me attempting to be an individual. Regardless of waht it can be labelled as, it doesn't change the reality. I wasn't there and I don't regret not being there. If this is a disappointment to anyone then I apologize with 100% sincerity.
So thus concludes another rant of mine, one which I'm sure becomes old after a certain amount of them. Unfortunately these are the thoughts that formulate in my brain and I enjoy expressing them in the form of writing. Writing has truly taken on a much more important and dear role in my life. It allows me to clear my head. I don't know, I've come to realize that when I write it's no longer for a purpose, it's for speculation and it's as though I'm attempting to figure out just what's on my mind through the process of elimination. Regardless, I continue to write. Quite simply because it seems to work for me....
So last night was prom, of which I was not in attendance. To be hoenst, I had a great time and I'm glad I didn't go. Prom to me is nothing that I enjoy and I had a fun night without the unnecessary dress and such. Although in a sense I do feel somewhat guilty, it has become very apparent to me that my mom was incredibly disappointed she didn't get to see me go to a senior prom. I can't change that, it's the way she is. She's one of those people that really likes seeing my dressed up and partaking in the stereotypical social events
organized by the schoool. However, as is the case with most of my life, I don't conform to it. And I discouraged I didn't go? No, and that makes me feel all the worse. I have no regrets about not being at my senior prom, when I'm supposed to. I'm supposed to look back upon it and say, "I don't care that it's not my thing, I should have been there." But I'm not like that at all. I suppose one could draw the conclusion that it is my way of rebelling against the norm; or rather, me attempting to be an individual. Regardless of waht it can be labelled as, it doesn't change the reality. I wasn't there and I don't regret not being there. If this is a disappointment to anyone then I apologize with 100% sincerity.
So thus concludes another rant of mine, one which I'm sure becomes old after a certain amount of them. Unfortunately these are the thoughts that formulate in my brain and I enjoy expressing them in the form of writing. Writing has truly taken on a much more important and dear role in my life. It allows me to clear my head. I don't know, I've come to realize that when I write it's no longer for a purpose, it's for speculation and it's as though I'm attempting to figure out just what's on my mind through the process of elimination. Regardless, I continue to write. Quite simply because it seems to work for me....