(no subject)
I have decided, instead of studying for my 10:15 am final I am going to write an entry. Possibly one of substance, so please, hold on tight and don't look down or to the side.
This term is almost over, but I still have a bit to do. As my first term out of the dorms it was pretty much awesome. I have now come to terms that I hated the dorms and RA life quite a bit. Lately I have been having about housing and my staff. They normally end in me bitching everyone out. What my staff doesn't know is that I left because of them. I felt like they treated me like shit and didn't give a damn about me. I felt so out of place and ignored. I went to Carson countless times to find people that I liked and considered to be my friends eating together, yet they never thoguht to ask me. Its little things like that...That really bother me. I am a pretty sensitive, fragile, meekish kind of a person. Not only that my boss was not relaly supportive of me at all. But its in the past, there is really no need to dwell on any of it.
Apartment living is fine, sans the constant loud sex.
I like being a waitress. Although I forgot to charge someone for their pot of tea today...But its only .95 and I told Bimb and she laughed and said it was ok. Its pretty easy work, but just having to be rushrushrush all the time. Sometimes I get a little behind and Kannika will remind me to bring a table wtaer and I want ot tell her that I was going to but someone decided to pay right when I went to get glasses for water. Its not that I have forgotten, its just that someone else is commanding my time.
I have been wrestling with bouts of general lonliness here in Eugene. I am a pretty social person, but my shyness overcomes my need for friends. But laely I've been feeling so lonely for friendly contact that I've reduced myself to tears. I feel just about the same as I did in high school.
In high school I always felt invisible and out of step with everyone else. My senior year was a disaster because of the fact that I really didn't have acess to friends during the whole the school day. I had Traceh, but we rarely saw each other over the course of the day. Kim and I had our...moment in the winter. I felt so lost with out my constant companions Eirc, Nick, and Kevin. I would spend my lunches, open periods, and whatever time I had to occupy with doing something in the libary. I would be on the Anime Online forums chatting it up with people of, obvious, simaler intrests. I hated school, I hated my classes, over all I hated being there. Even when Iwas in Teen Theatre I felt like an outcast. Its sad even in a group of outcasts, people I thought I would grow so close to , ignored me. I don't know what it is about me but I always get excluded one way or another.
So, yeah, I am lonely. I am unsatisfied in the friend part of my life. Mainly in the vein of strong female bonds, ehich I never really have been able to obtain and maintain well.
To combat all of these feelings, and being thr shy mouse I am, I turned to the only source that I could possibly find new friends. I turned to Craigslist. I actually met a really nice girl too. I am going to call her B for now. But we went to dinner last nite and chatted for two hours. We don't nesscialry ave alot in common, but we hit offf really well. I reallly like her and I have intentions to call her when I get back from Meddy.
I get back my paper from Mideval history tomorrow, and my imatation project back on wednesday. I just relaized this fact about hour ago, to my horror. I hat ethe waiting game for papers I feel like I biffed.
I got a B on my last Enlightenment essay quiz thingy. Go me. Go slave revolt in Hati.
Summer plans thus far...I am goign to Meddy on Wednesday till Monday. Then I work a shitload. Then I go see Serenity in Portland with other Aaron. Aaron moves in with me end of this month. Then I go back to Portland to see Cameron, my childhood friend from Texas. Hopefully he'll be able to meet Eric and Kevin. We'll go to gay bars and have a gay ole' time. Then more work and pet/plant sitting for the family that I babysit for. Theeeen my geoloy class starts, 8 am sharp. Inbetween class andnot going to class will be even more work till we close ot expand. Then come my intensive German class. More work when reopen.Then at the end of summer Aaron and I move into our cute apartment and decoarte it.
Nothing to outrageous.
I want to go to England this winter holiday with Aaron.
I am still thinking about studing in Japan, even though all I can say is that I am a history and anthropology major. One of the lanaguge requirements is really lax and I fulfill it. Go me.
But. There will be a time that I will never have to study for astupid final even again.
This term is almost over, but I still have a bit to do. As my first term out of the dorms it was pretty much awesome. I have now come to terms that I hated the dorms and RA life quite a bit. Lately I have been having about housing and my staff. They normally end in me bitching everyone out. What my staff doesn't know is that I left because of them. I felt like they treated me like shit and didn't give a damn about me. I felt so out of place and ignored. I went to Carson countless times to find people that I liked and considered to be my friends eating together, yet they never thoguht to ask me. Its little things like that...That really bother me. I am a pretty sensitive, fragile, meekish kind of a person. Not only that my boss was not relaly supportive of me at all. But its in the past, there is really no need to dwell on any of it.
Apartment living is fine, sans the constant loud sex.
I like being a waitress. Although I forgot to charge someone for their pot of tea today...But its only .95 and I told Bimb and she laughed and said it was ok. Its pretty easy work, but just having to be rushrushrush all the time. Sometimes I get a little behind and Kannika will remind me to bring a table wtaer and I want ot tell her that I was going to but someone decided to pay right when I went to get glasses for water. Its not that I have forgotten, its just that someone else is commanding my time.
I have been wrestling with bouts of general lonliness here in Eugene. I am a pretty social person, but my shyness overcomes my need for friends. But laely I've been feeling so lonely for friendly contact that I've reduced myself to tears. I feel just about the same as I did in high school.
In high school I always felt invisible and out of step with everyone else. My senior year was a disaster because of the fact that I really didn't have acess to friends during the whole the school day. I had Traceh, but we rarely saw each other over the course of the day. Kim and I had our...moment in the winter. I felt so lost with out my constant companions Eirc, Nick, and Kevin. I would spend my lunches, open periods, and whatever time I had to occupy with doing something in the libary. I would be on the Anime Online forums chatting it up with people of, obvious, simaler intrests. I hated school, I hated my classes, over all I hated being there. Even when Iwas in Teen Theatre I felt like an outcast. Its sad even in a group of outcasts, people I thought I would grow so close to , ignored me. I don't know what it is about me but I always get excluded one way or another.
So, yeah, I am lonely. I am unsatisfied in the friend part of my life. Mainly in the vein of strong female bonds, ehich I never really have been able to obtain and maintain well.
To combat all of these feelings, and being thr shy mouse I am, I turned to the only source that I could possibly find new friends. I turned to Craigslist. I actually met a really nice girl too. I am going to call her B for now. But we went to dinner last nite and chatted for two hours. We don't nesscialry ave alot in common, but we hit offf really well. I reallly like her and I have intentions to call her when I get back from Meddy.
I get back my paper from Mideval history tomorrow, and my imatation project back on wednesday. I just relaized this fact about hour ago, to my horror. I hat ethe waiting game for papers I feel like I biffed.
I got a B on my last Enlightenment essay quiz thingy. Go me. Go slave revolt in Hati.
Summer plans thus far...I am goign to Meddy on Wednesday till Monday. Then I work a shitload. Then I go see Serenity in Portland with other Aaron. Aaron moves in with me end of this month. Then I go back to Portland to see Cameron, my childhood friend from Texas. Hopefully he'll be able to meet Eric and Kevin. We'll go to gay bars and have a gay ole' time. Then more work and pet/plant sitting for the family that I babysit for. Theeeen my geoloy class starts, 8 am sharp. Inbetween class andnot going to class will be even more work till we close ot expand. Then come my intensive German class. More work when reopen.Then at the end of summer Aaron and I move into our cute apartment and decoarte it.
Nothing to outrageous.
I want to go to England this winter holiday with Aaron.
I am still thinking about studing in Japan, even though all I can say is that I am a history and anthropology major. One of the lanaguge requirements is really lax and I fulfill it. Go me.
But. There will be a time that I will never have to study for astupid final even again.