Hello Everyone~!
I'm back. ^.^
I know it's been...like...6 months?
Jeez...sorry everyone.
Here's a little update of what's been up..
--I finished my first semester of college. ^.^ Straight A's! Yeah!
...except...this semester is so freaking hard because of stupid Economics. It is KILLING me! My very first test...I got a 60%. So I studied my ass off...and got an 80% on the second test. Whew! Well...yesterday...I took the third test. Ugh...I'm just trying to pull a C out in that class. I'm trying so hard.
On yesterday's test, I feel like I could have gotten anywhere from a 70 to an 88.
I don't understand. It's frustrating because I just DON'T get Economics!!
I hate not understanding.
Because I am NOT stupid!
...but I've already complained to zooozy-sama. You all just have to know that I'm a nerd. A BIG nerd. ^.^
--This past while, I lost two really good friends.
Leiko. (zooozy ...you don't have to read this part). I really did my best as a friend to be there for her. I would respond to all of her blogs...and she would respond to none of mine. But that didn't bother me. What DID bother me, was that after all of my efforts, on 3 different occasions...I said something she didn't quite like. So what did she do? She blogged trash about me!!!
She kept it "anonymous" though...but I'm not stupid.
Basically, I couldn't handle it.
She's a drama-queen...and I couldn't handle the drama in my own life--so why the hell should I have to put up with her and the drama she was TRYING to give me?
...so I let go of her.
I do miss talking to her, but...whatever.
Mark. My boyfriend of two years. He broke up with me...yeah. It hurt sooooooooooooo bad. So so so bad. I miss him so badly. He doesn't have a Friday night radio show anymore...maybe I'm a stalker, but I found out he has a new Wednesday night show so I listen to him every wednesday. Because I miss his voice.
But he doesn't know.
After a solid 4 year friendship...he cut off all ties with me so he could date some chunky blonde...but whatever.
--With me though...I've been depressed. I don't handle things well at all.
But I told my mom the one thing I've always DREAMED of telling her: "I cut myself because daddy makes me feel like crap."
She doesn't think he does. She thinks her dad was worse. But she doesn't understand.
Not one bit.
She sort of does now though. She told me, "if you need professional help, now's the time to get it."
It's been 10 years of this self-hurting, you know?
But my mom is still too afraid to admit it, so she told me to use rubber bands instead of cutting. And told me to talk to her when I feel like that...and I told her, "I can't."
I hate my dad. I can not stand him. He treats me like a dog. He always has. Even when I was a 9 year old little girl. He CALLED ME BY MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG'S NAME!! Come on...how could he not have seen this coming? I hate him.
I gave rubber bands a try. But I snapped myself so much, I made my arm swell and bruise.
So I used my nails instead...and my wounds are infected.
Nails don't work. Rubber bands don't work.
Blades work but they look deadly and have a bad connotation.
I can do this. I can get over this addiction one day. I can do it!
I'm just so glad I have friends to stay by me.
All of you. Thank you!
--I really want to draw. Do something creative. jean_kun 's painting she did for me is so...INSPIRATIONAL! I stare at it all the time...*sigh*. She's a copy ninja. ^.^ I've been doing a lot of sketches lately though. And I want to try to incorporate it with a photoshop background. It's my next project. I can't wait to see what happens.
--Lastly...last Saturday...April 4--WE HAD SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! I was so surprised! It's starting to feel like spring though. It's in the 40's ((yes, that's warm for me now. T^T...I can't believe I've actually adapted to this weather-ish!)) and it's been raining all day. *sigh* A storm's on the way, so I must get going.
I promise to update more frequently! And maybe even...*gasp* SPAM?!?!?! Maybe. ^.^
Oh, tomorrow's my birthday!
Yay!
My sister and I are going to go shopping with my mom...ALL DAY...and daddy won't be there. ^.^
Oh, on one more side note. Missy's 1 year anniversary was like...2 weeks ago. I'm okay. I survived. I don't believe I cried so hard. And I'm really starting to love Precious. Really. But not as much as I loved Missy. <3
Take care all!
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